No Name

I'm not sure if I like this one.

I've subdued myself in these black waters,

Lusting after a glance of white light,

Longing for a breath of fresh air.

All I can do is sink, for my body doesn’t have

What it takes to swim to the top.

I’ve lost sight,

Lost connection,

Lost touch, with all that is real,

And fake.

I’ve come to make believe

All that I live in,

Around,

Near,

I float.

I sink.

I fall.

I climb.

I’ve subdued myself in these black waters.

But I believe before long,

I’ll be dancing in the white light.

Reviews

[Gone]

Been in a similar place to what your poem describes.

I’ve lost site,
Lost connection,
Lost touch, with all that is real,
And fake.
I’ve come to make believe
All that I live in,

That sums it up nicely. I love poetry which brings me an emotional connection and this on most certainly does. nice work :)

[Cysmin]

I like how it gives a feeling of loss. Not so much concentration on the light beyond but how society is slowly drifting away

[Crowley]

I like it.....not sure if that end line is death or rebirth though, it could go either way. Dark and deep and a good coudse in introspection and the difficulty in pulling yourself out of the mire. Nice job.

[Jeff]

I’ve lost site,

Lost connection,

Lost touch, with all that is real,

And fake.

I love these lines. Excellent work here!

[Danielle Searby]

Love the word play you use and double meaning of words. I can relaate to this piece of writing very well.

[Alex Zynder]

truly, it's a great piece. its pace is perfect and it keeps you hanging on like a thriller. Good work

[paul]

i think it's brilliant.
the first two lines work really well
a great tale of struggle
and hopeful redemption,
in the end.

[Dilan Gray]

I really like this poem. I really like how there is hope in the end.