Vague Expectations

The confusion and perplexity of the demands of youth into adulthood

When I was young my expectations ran high; life as I knew it held so much promise- stability, love, health and happiness.

As I grew older, these same expectations of my youth grew more vague and the expectations of adulthood were slightly marred.

The stability I knew as the warmth of a cocoon now was my responsibility to keep alive-

The love was still there but now left much to be desired and on a quest of ruin I pursued-

The health I had been so freely given, now a steady mental decline; and happiness I started to question it's true existence.

As my life continued past trials and troubles, my expectations of what life was to hold grew ever so dim.

Worn out and tired, cynically calloused became my heart as it was beaten and tattered, shattered and torn-- my thinking was such as no care I had.  How could you fix what was broken only to have it broken again.... if I left it unfixed then my hopes would never rise to be dashed and destroyed by the world I reside.

Of death I desired, of life I had no use, of hope I had none.... just left with vague expectations from a time long forgotten.