Addiction and Escape

A Poem by Meagan

The perplexing feelings that surrounded my period of addiction and alcoholism.

To feel nothing and still retain the abiity to experience life as I wish it would always be...

The nubness of my mind- the calm in my spirit is unlike any other, it's the only true escape I ever feel-- the only time that this reality feels right.

I don't feel the need for a prayer of healing, I don't feel the need for material things, I don't feel the need to be filled by fleeting passions- just able to be, in this moment, numb and yet whole.

No one understands this phenomena that ensues in my head.... the collision of word and deed and reality that can bring me to a stand still, and more times than not, the desire to cease existing.

So, explain myself, I don't anymore... trying to fight it no longer appeals, to make everyone happy for it means my own suffering in this hellish vortex of time that is trapped within me-- for me I do these things purly for escape and mere survival.