It's been a good month

Camping, loving, living, singing, painting, shopping, crying, laughing...... these are the things that make my dreams a reality.  I am slowly but surely realizing how blessed I am.  I have a man who loves me and my daughter, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly... wait, no I havent eaten yet today.... but I have food for the option to eat if I choose to.  I have friends who enjoy my company and a beautiful daughter who is healthy, active and smart.

I guess my perspective on life keep gaining positive momentum all the time, but the huge turning point for this type of thinking was when Kenneth stared death in the face and beat it fair and square.  That night was one of the few times I have been truely afraid.  Me and Kenneth had been together for about 9 months when I kindof freaked about commitment and broke things off.  We remained friends, and actually, our friendship just got stronger.  Then Ken got stabbed and I thought I was going to lose him..... the way my heart felt as it had stopped dead in its tracks when I got the call and the emotions ran wild as I had to find a way to get to the hospital, these were the 'in my face' truths that shook me into realizing what my true feelings for him were and are, that they had never changed but had only gotten stronger.  Before this ordeal happened I had the mindset that God would never give me a break from heartache and pain... ever since Jared died, I felt like God was out to get me.... take my brother, my sanity but please dont take my best friend.... that was the only prayer I could say over and over that night.  God answered and it happened to be in my favor.

I love my life, even through all the bumps and crap that I still deal with.  I really have nothing to complain about, even when I feel like my world is crashing down around me, when the memories of losing my brother hit me so hard I feel like I cant breath, even when my parents act irrationally towards me and my choice of a lifetime mate. 

It has only taken me close to 30 years to figure out that life happens and it is only what you do with what you have that makes all the difference in the world..... enjoy what you have, dont cry over what you dont and live like you mean it