Recalculating

A short story, somewhat based of personal experience, about love, life, relationship timing, and all the wonderful uncertainties of life

The crisp air of the impossibly perfect summer evening danced around us, as we made our wake back to car, hand-in-hand, laughing together in the most comforting way. I had somehow managed to find myself in love with the wonderful boy that walked beside me. I had known this all along throughout our entire what would now be five year relationship, but yet right now it seemed the most obvious to me at this moment. It had never been clearer. I think I was having what would be considered a revelation.

            We had just finished a surprisingly exciting round of miniature golf. Earlier that evening while we were just sitting together, we got the sudden urge to go miniature golfing. We immediately looked up a course closest, found the address, and punched it into our trusty GPS. Within 20 minutes, we had arrived at one of the most whimsical miniature golf courses we could have imagined. Each hole had a theme, and included practical jokes to surprise oncoming golfers. We had the most fun just laughing and enjoying ourselves. By the end of our adventure there, we declared that this course was a hidden treasure of the city, and that it was beautiful and wonderful. Sometimes it’s the simplest things that can make our emotions race the fastest.

            “Do you think you’ll come back here anytime soon?” I asked Arthur as I climbed into his car.

            “Most definitely. It was entirely worth it. Great price too,” he replied.

            “Thanks for taking me. It was really fun…This whole weekend has been fun actually…You didn’t have to do all this for me. I just want to be able to spend time with you.”

            “I know, but I love you. And you deserve the best.”, he said as he typed his apartment coordinates back into the GPS. “I’m still going to use the GPS to get back. Just in case we forget.”

            Arthur and I had been a couple for exactly five years as of tomorrow. Spending this entire weekend together was our way of celebrating. It had been a great five years. It had seemed to fly by. As I reflect on the years, I realized so much between us has changed, but for the good. We had grown up together within those years. We had been 16 and 14 years old when we had first fell for each other, and now here we were at 21 and 19. We had both experienced each others’ drivers licenses, high school graduations, first years of colleges, practically everything. We were there for it all. We had become each other’s best friends, yet loved each other with an amazing passion. We seemed to understand each other in a way that no one else could. Things weren’t always easy, but we still made it through. Our relationship had its imperfections just as much as any other.

            As we started our drive back, we began talking about pointless topics and silly things. We laughed at people on the streets for no reason. We listened to the country music on the radio, and let it fill up the car and the empty silences between sentences. We could always be ourselves around each other no matter what. I think that is one of my favorite things about him. This was one of those perfect moments in life where you try to hold on to every detail.

            But something in the back of my mind seemed to be tainting this moment. Lately, I had been thinking, almost obsessing, about my future. Being in college, made it seem so much closer than ever before. All around me, people that I went to high school with were getting married and having children like no tomorrow. I think I’ve been feeling pressure. I had an inkling, but it wasn’t quite an inkling either. It was more of a hope that Arthur would propose to me on this anniversary, but I don’t know why he would. It was entirely not the right time. We’re not in the right place in our lives for this to happen, and we both know this. But, it’s a thought that has been running through my head for months and months. It’s been spreading like a disease, and I haven’t been able to stop it. I’ve been thinking constantly about where we’re headed, what we’ll do, and who we’ll be.

            I’m pretty much obsessive over the idea of a wedding and getting married. I think it’s because I feel like I should be thinking about this at my time in my life. I mean, so many other people are in my life. My mother was when she was the age I am now, just barely twenty. I kept telling myself that my dreams had all been leading up to this weekend, and that it was finally here. He would propose to me, I would say yes, I would tell everyone, be entirely happy, he would graduate college, I would graduate two years later, we would be married, we would move, get jobs, and eventually have children. This was my plan. I had literally planned every move in my head. Each aspect of our lives had been carefully plotted. I had let it get this far. I had even planned what I would say when he proposed. (I had practiced my face too.)

            This all seemed so silly in this moment now. Things were perfect now the way they were. We didn’t need to be planning our future at this moment. We were still so young. An engagement would not feel right. It would be like a round peg in a square hole. It would fit, but not quite right. Maybe this was the real revelation that I was having. If you dedicate all your time to making the life ahead of you fabulous and all you ever wanted then you will miss out on perfect moments like this that would make it all worthwhile. Things will happen when they happen. We’ll know when it’s right. I would just let my future come to me. I knew we were in it together, and that’s all I needed to know; this adventure was ours and I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

            So in that moment in the car, I dropped all perfectly plotted plans. A wave of happiness swept over me and warmed me all over. I smiled at Arthur sitting to my left. He looked so perfect to me. This was how things were supposed to be. I reached up to the GPS suction cupped to the windshield, and took it down. “Let’s try to make it back without the GPS. I think we can remember the way. If not, we’ll figure it out.”

            “Alright, let’s try it,” he said with a smile. We continued on. I had not only just removed the GPS from our ride, but I had also removed it from my relationship. We were to be our own guides. We would have mistakes and successes along the way. We would laugh. We would cry. We would fight. We would get hurt. But most importantly, we would love. We would have each other all through the unplanned adventure that was waiting for us. Life’s every moment isn’t meant to be scheduled and planned, for if it was that way I don’t think there would ever be anything to laugh or cry or even think about.

            There were a few wrong turns and unsure decisions on the drive back. We turned around and backtracked quite bit, but we made it all in one piece and with a much more exciting journey than we would have had. As we parked the car and walked hand-in-hand to the cozy apartment, I thought to myself this is how it should be. I had never felt more free and happy at the same time. 

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think. Honestly! I really want to know what I need to work on.