Who am I

A story of a young girl battling through every thing she has been.

Marissa got up to a beautiful sunny morning, her red hair frizzy but her heart leaping with joy and anticipation. It was the first day of her new job, at the biggest law firm in the whole town. She was nervous but she knew she earned it, all the hard work and drudgery as a waitress, the self schooling and zero social life had finally paid off.  She hurried through shower and breakfast, only to realize she had a lot of time before she had to show up at work. She took her time trying on various clothes although she had picked the perfect outfit the night before. She checked to make sure her make-up was perfect and her nails were manicured. She did not step aside from her mirror until she was sure she was ready and ready she was. She was ready to "take over the world", as her mother loved to call it. She had always been a momma's girl.

As Marissa went downstairs to spend skimming through the newspaper, read as, calming her nerves, she ran into Kate who looked as she usually did - her hair thrown in all possible directions, her black, almost gothic make-up smudged, her eyes looking as if she had been crying or drinking all night and she always seemed to be wearing the same clothes. Kate grinned at her, her way of saying, 'you look great'. She sometimes said it out loud too but not too much. Kate never spoke out of chance, never really spoke at all, not about her childhood nor about what she did for a living. But she always seemed to pay her rent on time and have extra money for booze and other luxuries. 

"Good luck Marissa", she said in a low, scary voice. 

"Thanks, Kate. I will need it today."

Robyn too woke up to a lovely morning but her blonde hair wasn't frizzy or flowing off in directions. It was straight, without a single curl. She woke up worried, as she always did, that day more than ever. She had an excruciating headache. She was the daughter of a rich tycoon who didn't have to work a single day to earn a penny. Then was it is she worries about, you ask? No one knew, in fact, not even her.

"Honey, what's wrong?" her mother asked her.

"Same as everyday, mom. I feel like I have a hangover." She paused, with a dejected look in her beautiful blue eyes. One would say they always twinkled if it wasn't for the forlorn look in her eyes. 

"Mom?" she said.

"Yes, dear?"

"Do I have to go to work? I feel like I have to."

"No Robyn, you don't. Why don't you try to get some more sleep?"

"Yes I think I will."

She slowly marched back into her bedroom in a hope to feel better after some sleep. She closed her eyes and fell asleep almost immediately. And that was when the voices started again. They were the same voices she heard everyday and every night, in her dreams and in her nightmares. They called themselves Kate and Marissa. 

She heard Kate claiming that she had been abused by her own uncle and she had a father who knew all about it, a father who was never there for her, a father who earned so much money that he thought nothing was more important than money, not even the innocence of his teenage daughter. She took her first sip of alcohol when she was thirteen and had been getting drunk every night ever since.

And Marissa had been born to competitive parents who were obsessed with her success. Everything she had ever done was to please her parents. She had no identity of her own, she was just her parent's daughter, the daughter of the famous defense attorney and a successful business tycoon.

In these two personalities, Robyn lost herself. Abused by a family member, never looked after as a daughter by her parents but as an heir to their property and name, she lost her identity and the only was she didn't lose her mind is by listening to the conversations of her own alters as they spoke out loud, although just in her head about what she had been through. But how ling will she stay sane? She is bound to go insane someday, not identifying the real world and living her life through the alters she had created.