Full

About feeling alone and disregarded. About feeling like you are holding all the cards, when you want your partner to hold some too.

Disappoint me, swing me in circles
sweep me under the sweet, sweet rug we wove together.
Drop me like a hot soup spoon,
pick me up only when I've cooled down.

I stare at you with full hands
You stare back with a full smile, a twinkle if you will
I tire, you push
I tear, you bend

Shouldn't we be buried together?
Shouldn't we share this headstone, this monogram?
Shouldn't you tire, tear, be dropped, be full?
Shouldn't you appreciate the heat?

Shouldn't you?

Reviews

[Emily B]

like TLK, I looked for the path to take me somewhere, light or dark it didn't matter, it is your path

the write intrigued me, as old as i am, my attention wanders quickly, I read more than once to be sure that i can give constructive aid

it doesn't feel like a conversation to me and i like the poetic conversation generally, it feels more like a perceptive monologue, this is not the time to ask, this is the time to tell, from here to the stars

you'll have to forgive my frankness, i generally only give an opinion when i see real potential

based on this work, i would be pleased to read more of you

[Brother Rooster]

I ike it. I don't konw if it was intentional but I found parts of it sadly funny. It ade me feel something real and I think that's important.

[Trigorin]

Not bad. I think you might have gotten a little too repetitive in the second-to-last stanza - I personally try to keep that sort of thing to three lines at the very most - but you still have a very clear image and you've done well to expand on it. The first stanza is the best. Good work.

[Mark]

I think what attracts us is often the challenge of someone. You've written that so well. I can feel the frustration; the exhaustion of this relationship.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Clearly there is a stance, akimbo, a sense of syncopation that is out of sync. This seems a likely candidate or back cover footnote or perhaps the forward to a yet-to-be-written book about (allegorically) ploughing the furrows of life from the team perspective. In mule parlance this is learning to "gee & haw" together. However, I find the "Shouldn't we..." lines a bit assumptive; both personally and philosophically. Primarily because these things tend to change over time and there is no acknowledgement of this. However, most readers will not let this distract from the obvious pluck and/or chagrin that ooze from the lines. Welcome to the barn, Mckenzie. :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

The sheer developed reason of take hold and be responsible for ones actions leaves one exausted and feeling ready, well done, good read.

[TLK]

Sorry, Tom, but this doesn't quite make full sense -- "reason of take hold". (Hope you don't mind me asking you for clarification when it's not my writing).

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

O.K., I'll bite - Let's start by being adults - my name is Thomas not Tom. The next point I will make is that this piece releases the innate clamour of taking charge within "reading" text; my point originally is that I was applauding this poet’s perfection in taking charge of the reader’s reliance of guided telling. I do not appreciate being spoken down too - and I will not be reviewing again.

[TLK]

I'm sorry, I'm not sure if that could possibly be a reply to what I wrote.

[TLK]

Apologies to the original author, by the way: I didn't think that Thomas would necessarily reply with such cryptic anger.

[TLK]

I feel commanded by desperation myself reading this: an indefatigable object wilts endlessly in the whirl of another's relentless force.

The first stanza is a magnificent opener. The visual image of that spinning disappointment -- as if it has picked us up and whirls us with excitement even as it deadens our response -- and the callousness of its treatment (to be discarded under a shared object, to be used like a utensil) is quite an immense thing.

You then bring us back to the human world, but leave The Other (Which Disregards) to be just as cryptic as when you used alienating metaphor.

The desperation comes out into almost threateningly tired questions: it peters out into a repetition which is already pointless.


I feel emotionally drained myself. I've subscribed, invited my friends to read, and would like to welcome you to the 'site.

[mckenziereed]

Thanks for the kind words and review. Thanks for spreading the word as well. I am ready to get my writing out there.