Weight of Nations

This is a sneak-peek into a fantasy series of mine called (as of now) Weight of Nations. It's not my epic fantasy I've been working on, but I wanted to see what you thought nonetheless.

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_______She flew past the guard watchman, who shouted something obscene behind her back, and then raced down the dusty path that led to their corner of the camp. Wherever Ladon was, he must have seen it too. And if he hadn’t, it was the most important piece of information he would hear the entire day. If she could only find him.

_______“Where is that man when I need him?” she murmured aloud to herself, just missing a log that had been abandoned in the middle of the pathway by two men. They stood on either side of it now, petrified as statues, incredulous eyes fixed on a faraway point in the sky. They had seen the stone too then, and undoubtedly knew why it had been released.

_______They didn’t matter to her though. Only Laden  mattered. This occurrence would change everything -- all their meticulous planning and careful plotting, it was all of little consequence now due to the gravity of the event. Maps would have to be rewritten, strategies recalculated, men relocated, and if any of that did them any good at all it would be a miracle. A bloody miracle. If anyone knew what to do though, it was Ladon.

_______Sidestepping a half-fixed wagon wheel, she rounded the corner of a tent and stumbled breathlessly into a pair of sturdy arms.

_______“Ressa!” Ladon exclaimed, holding her waist to keep her from falling. His eyes searched hers urgently.

_______She pulled herself upright. “Yes. Ladon . . . ” she stumbled over her words, “Above Augden . . . Dasto . . .  Did you see -- ”

_______“Yes, yes, I saw.” he said calmly, turning northward again. “I never thought he would . . . We’ll have to change a lot . . . not start over, but change.”

_______“We don’t even know what it is yet.” she said. Maybe it wouldn’t bring anything too potent. A small hope, especially considering the stone was a gift from the Tara, but it was something.

_______“An army no doubt.” Ladon said. His eyes still searched the skies, but all panic and disbelief was gone from them. He knew what the following days would bring, and he was acceptant. Ressa admired that.

_______Doubtless though, new plans and ideas were already spinning webs in the corners of his mind. The man was never without some grand scheme brewing back there, some carefully-thought-out contrivance formulating itself into a new angle of his. This time however, his plans would need to be on a much larger scale than ever before. A simple fancy would not be enough to save them.  

_______“What’s all this fuss about?” a thunderous voice grumbled. Korbelle emerged from the tent behind them, swatting at flies with a lazy hand.

_______They both turned to face him.

_______“Dasto released the Starstone.”  Ladon said.

 

 

_______Korbelle’s face paled. 

_______“Dasto what?”

_______“He released the Starstone.” Ressa said, “The Light of Tara -- ”

_______“I know what the bloody Starstone is, little lady.” Korbelle interrupted, “But Dasto did what to it?”

_______“You heard us the first time.” Ladon said, “Look.” He pointed toward Augden, the point at which the Starstone had been sighted leaving the ground. A faint trail of smoke could still be seen on the horizon, leading up past the distant clouds. Where the stone had gone and what it would bring, only the Tara knew.

_______Rubbing a thick hand over the back of his head, Korbelle joined the two of them in staring at the Starstone’s trail. He grimaced.

_______“We’re dead.”

Author's Note

Critiques eagerly awaited for.
As of now, my story is a rough draft and I would love all critiques and criticisms you can give. Thank you. :)

I know this part of my story isn't extremely descriptive, nor does it touch much on the fantasy aspect. But as I was reading over it, I just thought it would be kind of a cool scene to share. Anyways, have at it.

Oh, and the heavy line through the middle is because in my book, there's a chapter break there.

Reviews

[Underestimated]

Wow. You're awesome. The way your words flow kept me in the story the entire time. Dang, I wanted more. It sounds exciting. I would love to read the rest.
I'm not experienced enough to critique, sorry. :-) But nice ending, it put a smile on my face....if it was supposed to.

[Tai Ryens]

You've done a remarkable job with this write, I look forward to more additions to this; and I do kindly ask that you keep me updated with read reviews. Well done!

[Jasmine Thousand]

I think it's great so far! I hope you start on the entire book soon. I like the idea of the Starstone, it sounds interesting. Characters seem to have depth at this early point, I can't wait to see where this goes!

~*Jasmine Thousand~*

[dan nacario]

wow..you are an amazing writer..great ending..

[Stella]

I really like your story so far and I look forward to reading the rest of it. I thought your story was pretty descriptive but a little more never hurts. The characters seem really interesting and I can't wait to read more.