Even Lonely Souls Must Learn to Live

This is my first attempt at writing a villanelle. I did it at the behest of my friend Anette Jay Sweeney.

Brown dust beneath his feet, green arch above,

My tired friend sets out in waning light.

He wastes a pleasant journey seeking love.

 

Oblivious to flower, tree, or dove,

With eyes downcast he marches on till night,

Brown dust beneath his feet, green arch above;

 

Clutched to his chest a fist clad in a glove,

Clings to a thorny rose whose barbs can’t bite.

He wastes a pleasant journey seeking love.

 

Bereft of what the bloom reminds him of,

That frightened friend of mine looks so contrite,

Brown dust beneath his feet, green arch above.

 

But could it be that when push comes to shove,

He’s running like a coward from a fight?

He wastes a pleasant journey seeking love.

 

Resentful of that fool, I’ve had enough.

I cannot bear to watch his craven flight.

Brown dust beneath his feet, green arch above,

He wastes a pleasant journey seeking love.

Author's Note

The man who is the subject of this poem represents a part of me that I don't like. When I get lonely, I get depressed. I tend to forget all of the wonderful blessings in my life and focus on finding that special someone. It's as though I can't be whole without another person needing/wanting me. At those times, when I'm trying to recapture the stability and happiness of previous relationships, I lose all interest in the other joys life has to offer.

Reviews

[Nirmala]

Very common experience well defined in this poem. Blind to the beauty and lost to the joys that abound on the path with ‘brown dust beneath his feet, green arch above’ he wastes a pleasant journey seeking love! Very well written with perfect flow!

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

Matt,
I think you did a really nice job at your first attempt for a villanelle. I'm sure while you were writing it you cursed me for having challenged you. That's totally fine, I straight up told my teacher I hated them the first time I wrote one (incidentally, it was about not liking villanelles: http://lunacyinpoetry.webs.com/apps/blog/show/474584-the-villan-elle).

You captured the style very well. This was good subject matter for a villanelle. It's a good style for writing about hard subjects, especially things a writer/speaker may not want to admit to themselves. I really felt you in this one. I sensed what you were going through. I try so hard to be happy with just myself, but being alone is a burden.

These two lines are fantastic: "Clutched to his chest a fist clad in a glove,/Clings to a thorny rose whose barbs can’t bite." I, like Jeremy, acknowledge that you are saying a lot about how love can hurt you and this subtle way of protecting yourself. These two lines really stick out for me. I can't help but point out that you used clings like I did in "The Bill". You may want to re-work this.

I really like that one of the refrain's is "He wastes a pleasant journey seeking love" since this seems to be the main idea of the poem. I'm not sure if "Brown dust beneath his feet, green arch above," is as well suited. If you want this to tie the reader to the ongoing journey of the speaker and keep him in a certain place, it works really well. It's a good line, so don't axe it, but if you write another villanelle keep the importance of these lines in mind.

I enjoyed this a lot. Keep testing yourself! It's amazing what results can come out :).
-Annette

[A.Lee]

This is really good! I love the form you wrote it in. It had to have been difficult cultivating this type of rhyme scheme as well as the repetition of those two lines (which I loved), but you pulled it off quite nicely which really shows off your talent. I loved the feel of this poem. I could just imagine a man walking along through someplace filled with beauty but he doesn't notice it because he's too busy searching for love. Great work! I love this piece. Very insightful.

[mcg03002]

Jeremy, Thanks so much for your thoughtful review. You always have such deep and beautiful interpretations of my work. Let me tell you what I was thinking when I wrote this (besides "holy crap, this is a tough poetic form").
The basic idea is that this guy is walking a beautiful country road. Thick green trees arch overhead, shading travelers and providing refuge for birds, squirrels, and the like. The path he travels is gorgeous. There are flowers, doves, flora and fauna to please his eyes and soften his heart. But, just like the rose clutched in his hand, all of those things remind him of the fact that he's all alone. Rather than just accepting his condition and enjoying all there is to see along the road, he decides he's on a quest to find love. He stares at the ground intent on recovering what he's lost before he'll dare to look at all the things that remind him, and cause him pain. While the search for love seems like a noble cause at first, using the lack of it as an excuse to spiral into depression and neglect the other important aspects of life is a copout, and not very noble at all. He hasn't wasted his journey because he was looking for love; he wasted it by ignoring all the wonderful experiences he should have had while on the journey.

[Jeremy D. Andrews]

I like how you mention the fist clad in a glove. You are aware of how love can hurt yet you have still put a protective glove to keep the worst from happening to you physically. The depression is not so bad that you are not aware of how you react, in fact you are proactive in acknowledging it. Seeking love is a journey, but never known it to be all pleasant. I can see how the wasting of the love sought is a struggle you have inside of whether or not a decision you have made was in fact tossed aside prematurely. You suggest you have become tired of the journey seeking love which many who are depressed are always tired. They would rather do nothing than improve their situation. Another thing I find interesting is you look upon this part of you that is fleeing from love, yet the part of you looking in on yourself flees from this part of yourself just as that part of you is fleeing. There is a circle of flight with no solution or will to change this destructive behavior.

[KimLott]

Lovely... lovely lovely!! I won't waste part of my own day's journey repeating... again.
Not just a great first attempt, but a really good piece. One of my favorites in your collection. "Bereft of what the bloom reminds him of"...I'm not sure that line is perfect yet, though it has perfect cadence and effect. Quite an emotional change up at the end, which absolutely makes it.

[Ruth]

Wow, impressive imagery friend! Detailed and vivid:) A really thought through piece! Poppy xx