Why Does it Fly?

So difficult to write;

Impossible to say out loud;

I delight in the sadness;

Wrapped happily in my melancholy shroud.

 

It makes no sense at all;

That missing you hurts and heals me;

Pleasure and pain mix nicely;

Intoxicated, my captive heart feels free;

 

A child who cries ‘cause he’s leaving the park, and forgets the sweet moments of play;

That’s just how I feel when we have to part at the closing of each too-short day.

 

Eyes like yours can’t exist;

Yet you own a pair, unaware;

Of how they render helpless;

Captivated admirers caught in their stare;

 

Truth of identity;

Somehow you discovered the way;

To happiness and solace;

You shine like the sun through the clouds and the grey;

 

A man who is given one more day to live, and spends it lamenting his fate;

That’s just how I feel when we’re cuddling close and too soon the hour is late.

 

You read me a chapter;

And ran your soft hands through my hair;

One night you gave completely;

I wanted to pause life forever right there;

 

I’m lying in bed now;

It’s not the bed of my choosing;

Our bodies aren’t entwined now;

Sleeping apart is just time that we’re losing;

 

I know I am selfish, I saw you tonight. Tomorrow I’ll see you again;

But just like the child and the man that I mentioned, I’ll cry from now until then.

Author's Note

I wrote this tonight for someone who has touched my heart in a way that nobody has before. I can't sleep because I'm thinking of him. I don't want to stay awake because I would miss the chance to dream of him. He's above me, but, as undeserving as I am, I want him anyway. I hope you like it. As always, criticism is welcome.

Reviews

[MJ Durston]

Overall, I don't think I could find a bad thing if I tried. I could just be in a good mood, but I thought it was good. You had grammar in place, everything seemed neat. I liked it.

Something Bad: I guess all I have is, in a few sentences there are a little too many words messing up the flow of the poem a little. For Example, the last line in both the first and fifth stanza.

Something Good: I loved all the different images you gave the reader, the child leaving the park - or a man with one more day to live his life. Great metaphors, even better poetic images.

Keep Writing,
Melissa

[Lorraine]

So nice and touching. While in reality, I would probably think that this sort of exaggerated love is insane, I find it quite so romantic in your poem. I like the way you make it seem like love is the only thing that exist in the world. You give love such great power and appreciation. Nice Poem.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Devons]

The three couplets which pin together the poem in between the paired verses are exceptional. They run so well and have power. This poem depicts a strong insight into the complexity of secret worship and obsession.

On a technical level I feel it just needs tightening up a little here and there to make it scan better. Just some subtle fine-tuning. NB. the couplets scan the best.

Also, I really like "Eyes like yours can't exist" - but I think it ought to be "shouldn't exist".

One other thing - I think "cuddling" might be a bit too soft and off-putting. Maybe "holding" is a little less so. Something like that anyway; you know what I mean.

[Jeremy D. Andrews]

I am grasping at what you wrote and the title. The poem describes a great life experience that we all wish we could relish in all the time. Yet the moment goes away as does the emotions. Why does it fly? I also see the elation of the statement in the poem. We get caught up in the moments and are flying high, until we come down from that moment and wonder why. I can also see how this could depict the flight itself of the moment. Why do some moments have a greater impact than others. Your poem brings to mind all those moments we each have had that have given the same emotional response and wish we could have basked in it for a longer time. Great job.

[Samuel Dickens]

You're very in touch with your emotions and unafraid to bare your underbelly, so to speak. Though some might see it differently, I see it as bravery and strength. This is more very good writing, my friend.

[Crowley]

Ahhhh....the minced feelings of longing an fear, loving and being loved. I could so identify with this one. Some great analogies her as well, and once again the writing is very solid and the rhyming worked well, sometimes poor rhyming so disrupts the flow. Grat job. I like.