Beat

Another love poem.

The heart will throb through all my days,

Its rate heeds not life’s churlish ways.

Rhythm, pulse, and crimson heat;

Course through my veins with every beat.

 

Without request, appeal, or plea

My life sustained shall always be.

And yet there is one pain, one hurt;

Which can the crux and task subvert.

 

The only force which God did make;

With strength enough the heart to break;

Is LOVE, which on its being felt;

The center of a man can melt.

 

Heart and soul and mind combine;

And softened so become entwined.

So, if that love should be withdrawn,

Its white hot flame abruptly gone;

The three will cool, congeal and freeze,

And can be shattered then, with ease.

 

You are the fire that keeps me whole;

Your heat melds reason, core, and soul.

I’m nothing more than flesh on feet;

It’s you that makes my life complete.

 

Until I die, I will be true

My life, my cadence, sings for you.

Reviews

[MJ Durston]

Overall, Brilliant! It was absolutely beautiful - really. In areas it didn't flow so well, but the beauty of it kind of distracts you from grammatical or structural errors.

Something Bad: I thing it's a bit too Idealistic, too impossible. When you're wrting about something real, like love, you don't want to throw in too many images that seem fake, because it takes away from the honesty that comes with true love. Um, Second Stanza, last line - it does rhyme, but it doesn't flow.

Something Good: I absolutely adore the fourth and fifth stanzas, I wish I'd written them. Their so pure and honest and most of all BELIEVABLE.

Keep Writing,
Melissa.

[Doreen]

Oh, wow. This is just wonderful. Your rhyme is perfect, the message so bittersweet. Very well done.

[i am skeleton jelly]

this is beautiful