Beat

Another love poem.

The heart will throb through all my days,

Its rate heeds not life’s churlish ways.

Rhythm, pulse, and crimson heat;

Course through my veins with every beat.

 

Without request, appeal, or plea

My life sustained shall always be.

And yet there is one pain, one hurt;

Which can the crux and task subvert.

 

The only force which God did make;

With strength enough the heart to break;

Is LOVE, which on its being felt;

The center of a man can melt.

 

Heart and soul and mind combine;

And softened so become entwined.

So, if that love should be withdrawn,

Its white hot flame abruptly gone;

The three will cool, congeal and freeze,

And can be shattered then, with ease.

 

You are the fire that keeps me whole;

Your heat melds reason, core, and soul.

I’m nothing more than flesh on feet;

It’s you that makes my life complete.

 

Until I die, I will be true

My life, my cadence, sings for you.

Reviews

[MJ Durston]

Overall, Brilliant! It was absolutely beautiful - really. In areas it didn't flow so well, but the beauty of it kind of distracts you from grammatical or structural errors.

Something Bad: I thing it's a bit too Idealistic, too impossible. When you're wrting about something real, like love, you don't want to throw in too many images that seem fake, because it takes away from the honesty that comes with true love. Um, Second Stanza, last line - it does rhyme, but it doesn't flow.

Something Good: I absolutely adore the fourth and fifth stanzas, I wish I'd written them. Their so pure and honest and most of all BELIEVABLE.

Keep Writing,
Melissa.

[zainul]

This epic piece charms my heart.

[Tate Morgan]

Truth love is the only trait truly worth memory.

[Night]

Beautiful. Love is indeed a magical feeling. You wrote of pure, untainted love, something so rarely found today. Great work!

[FlatLineBeauty]

Beautiful and graceful. I enjoyed it. xo Winter

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write,...Thank you for penning...:).....................

[Lorraine]

"Until I die, I will be true/My life, my cadence, sings for you"==> This is a brilliant ending. I can almost imagine it being recited in a wedding ceremony. Although love is such a cliche idea, I still love the way you elegantly weaved your words to make them so soothing to the hears. Beautiful.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Samuel Dickens]

An excellent, inspired piece of writing. I agree with Poeticpiers---you are a poet, and a fine one.

[NSisifo]

I like that this is romantic without the corny lines we've seen a million times.

"You are the fire that keeps me whole;
Your heat melds reason, core and soul."

Not much of a romantic, but it would be nice to see these lines once in a while.
I like it.

[Devons]

Yes, another love poem, but what a brilliantly written one! Your exploitation and choice of words is like calligraphy to the eyes in this poem. It's lyrical beauty flatters the subject to which it is dedicated. These words have much more eternal power than that transient, inconstant heat that is Love.
Every verse is put together so well that it is hard to distinguish a winner amongst them. However, since the first verse was the one that struck me straight-off, I nominate that...
"The heart will throb through all my days,
Its rate heeds not life’s churlish ways.
Rhythm, pulse, and crimson heat;
Course through my veins with every beat."

[Ruth]

Excellent imagery sweet, I love the thought provoking quality to this, that the centre of a man can melt is quite moving:) xx