a thousand breahs left.

what would it be knowing that you would die. realize the importance of life and live life to the fullest each and avery breathing day.

As of this moment, I have existed 17 years, 8 months, one day.

It is almost mid-summer but for some apparent reason, on this day it started to rain.

 

This may not be the right place to tell everyone… but it’s the only place I can think of.

I’m at the edge of a six-feet cliff hanging by a thread with a thousand and one breaths left.

 

Yes, I am dying…

 

998 breaths left ‘till the end.

9 wasted from saying this.

986 breaths left by the end of this line.

 

My palms, sweaty; my hands, shaking; my breathing, uneasy; eyes soar from helping my self not to cry (I don’t want to make others worry). I’m ok, at least I think I am. Many people are afraid to die, I know, I know some. It comes with the thought that we wouldn’t be able to accomplish the things we want to do. At the end, when the time comes for us to think how we have lived our life and the moment it will end, all we can think of is to spend time with the people we love. Haven’t we have all our lives to do that? Say we love them before we go, or they do? Laugh while smiles are still true? Argue because we know we can make it through? Do all this while we need not to worry of loosing anything but time? Because time will always pass no matter what. 736 left..*sigh*..

 

I started staring at blank space more often recently. I can’t say that I’m wasting my time living by doing this, but most of the time I just do. I’m not really thinking of many things when I do so (blank stare). I just try to feel how alive I am, become conscious that I breathe, aware that I see, know that I hear and feel what feel putting me in a trance where it tells me that I really am alive just so to be able to answer my next question, why.

Somewhere between 500 and 400 breaths left perhaps, I’m shaking just trying to think of it.

 

A friend told me, if she knew she was to die, she want to leave happy memories to the ones she love; another will hug everyone she sees, yet another said that she will tell that she love everyone who deserves to hear that she love them and just live life, not counting how long she would still live. Me, less than 300 left.

 

Here I am nearing my midnight, where I will never see the sun rise for me again, never feel the sun shine on me nor hear you whoever you are, whether I know you or not, whether you want to tell me something or just don’t care who I am does not matter anymore. Yet I haven’t answered the question I seek, the question why. I know there is an answer; I know I’ve already done whatever that “why I lived” is because at this moment all that there is is was, playing with tenses, everything past. I am dead now with a hundred and one breaths left and I won’t end my life typing…  We will know the time when we are there and feel scared. It’s normal to feel scared but don’t fear it while you live for you may dwell your life on the end and regret everything at the end. We wouldn’t want that would we? Fact is that every three seconds a person die. The inescapable truth is that it will come. One thing I know, please never count your breaths.

Later this will come not only to me but also to everyone…

five…    four…    three…... tw

 

Author's Note

do you agree?

Reviews

[Kiya]

Whole heartedly. A great write, I watched as someone slipped away... Scary! Got my stomache clenched and I'm getting a bit hard of breath. Deep and highly thoughtful, this story agrees with me to no end! Like eating chocolate... tasty yet deadly in large amounts. (Humongous amounts, actually.) Well done! - Kiya :)