Fun house

the halloseve tale

Who's their?

What is that?

You gave me a heartache

 

It's halloween

that's your trick

and heres your treat

 

scream and shout 

there is no need to pout

soon your lights will be out

 

Mmm my treat was devine

to bad you had to die

now your like me

 

living for eternity

now your in the funhouse

Reviews

[J.]

You used the wrong word twice. "Their" should be "there" and "heartache" should probably be "heart attack." You have some really random rhymes that are strong, but that makes only the middle of your poem strong. It makes the rest of your poem seem like they aren't as important. Your font is also distracting.

[David E Navarro]

This could have been a great poem with correct grammar, spelling and syntax.

You write some pretty good stuff. Why sell yourself short and damage your own credibility by not taking care with the medium of our craft, language and words.

I like your rhymes and the flow of this story. I appreciate that you shared this.

[Underestimated]

ooooooooh creepy stuff dude. Nice.

[J Todd Underhill]

I like the Funhouse? is that wrong, Gladly living on the dark side of life since 1980 and counting, This is the first piece I have read from you but will not be the last!

[SwEet PeA]

hmmm...... somebody needs a hug. I'm hoping this is a metaphor for something....

[M.E.Lyle]

Yikes, this is creepy. Remind me never to make you mad.

[EMF]

Real nice. I love the way the fear doesn't start to creep in until after you've read it. Wonderful story, marvelously paced and phrased. A marvelous Halloween Treat.

[smileyface123]

oh my gosh the picture made me jump! i love the ending. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A nice tale in this short poem. I like how the trick was turned around. A very good ending to the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Brandi Nicole]

creepy..........