The Long Winded Chapter 4

Even more things happen then the previous amount of things

"Welcome to Stage 1" the voice said before the blindfold was ripped off our protagonists eyes. Once again, the trip to his destination was irrelevant and uneventful, and once again, it was where he ended up that mattered.

         He didn’t know exactly where he was at first. He was standing under a stage light, and the light was a perfect circle, pushing the darkness away. It felt like an angel was shining down on him. That is when he heard a voice from the nothing.

         "How much of your life do you remember?" the voice said. He was sure it was Jeff. It had that distinctive tone that a voice has when it's trying to f**k you. Our protagonist didn’t know how to answer, so he just spoke out loud.

         "I remember general chunks. I remember pain for instance, and I can usually place that pain within a specific year and month, and maybe what it was about, but I don’t know why. I remember well too, but it seems much less frequent and far between then the sad memories."

         "Well, I am sad to say that the first development of our journey is going to have you look at parts of yourself that you hoped you would never have to confront. That’s compelling plot if I do say so myself. Anyway, I am going to snap my fingers, and the darkness around you will turn into a memory from years ago, back in High School, the scourge of many a child. You will not be able to touch or interact with anything you see, this is purely a demonstrational trial to see if you can handle the concept of total emotional torment. Any questions?"

         Our protagonist had just one "How many stages are there?"

         "That’s entirely dependent on you. Now, no talking. For this test to be completed correctly, you must just watch and listen.

         Then a flash

         Then a world was created

         And he relived his memories again.

         The world came into perfect form within the time it takes to blink. To try to describe the process in which it was done would destroy an reference you have to how things work.       

         He looked around. He was in a classroom, but class wasn't being held. He couldn't remember where or when he last stepped foot into that classroom, but the room felt like it held significance. Like the things that happened her set a chain of dominos forward that let to something….emotional.

         "Do you not remember your high school club? You had this crazy idea that you would try to meet women by starting a standup comedy club. You thought you were going to start the next big thing. That this would finally be your chance to break out of your intrinsic shell and put yourself out there. You always knew you were funny, but now you just had to prove it."

         Our protagonist tried to respond, only to find that he had been rendered mute by the forces that are. He had no choice but to sit and watch the events Trans fold.

         It was not a second after Jeff had finished his monologue, that the classroom became filled with desks in a circle, and in those desks, people. He took some time to look at each of them. There were about seven of them, each with their own unique characteristics, and yet he could not remember a single person's name.

         "I see you look a little confused. Don’t you remember your club mates? And let's not forget the club president. You looked so much younger back then. You had long, soft hair, a clear face, and eyes that shined and could look into someone's soul. I have to say; maybe if you weren’t such a self-hating b***h in high school you may have actually done something with your life. I mean, I guess it's not fair to judge a situation like this in hindsight, but look at you. Trying to start a club to get friends. It's pathetic. But I want you to take a look at all of these kids one more time, and tell me if one doesn't tug at something deep down in your noggin.

         Our protagonist spent time looking at each character. He didn’t feel any physical feeling, but one person seemed to be more…real then the rest. She seemed to be in a higher resolution for some reason. It was barely distinguishable, and it was only after minutes of carful observation that he realized this women was pronounced then everyone else. He waited for a response from Jeff once he had pointed to the girl.

         "Yup. Her name is Lisa, and you two went through some wacky adventures together, and when I mean wacky, think more of Sid and Nancy from the Sex Pistols and not leave it to Beaver. Do you remember anything about her?"

         Our protagonist shook his head, but just the sight of her brought up so many conflicting emotions it was impossible to tell which ones were floating around in his feeling place. In fact, the image of her brought such powerful emotions, he felt like he was going to be sick, inside of his own mind, after he was already dead.

         "Alright, I am going to kick this production into life entertainment. This is a silent picture though. You will see what went on that day at your pathetic comedy club, and I will be here to commentate. I give you permission to talk while the film is rolling to ask questions, because quite frankly, I'm finding the one sided exchange tedious.

         Before our protagonist could say anything the scene had started, and he became too entranced to ask any questions. He was standing at the back of the classroom, invisible to everyone he saw. The scene started in the middle of one of our protagonists stand up skits. He always used to like to do them to impress women because it showed confidence and he had perfected the art of public manipulation.

         "So, who is she?"

         Before he could realize what had happened, Jeff had re-materialized in his white felt body suit and watched the show.

         "She was something that you never had before up until this meeting."

         "And what is that?"

         "She was someone as fucked up as you."

         Our protagonist took another hard look at Lisa, and started to notice details. Her hair was a mixture of blue and bright red that gave her a cartoonish look. She wore a "Sex Pistols" t shirt with black scattered skinny jeans. She had a Mohawk, and for some reason, our protagonist started to remember.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         The thoughts came rushing back to our protagonists head. He remembered that he took a strong attraction to Lisa from the day she stepped into the Comedy Club with her girlfriend. He couldn't remember the girlfriend's name, but he remembered there was one. He assumed, because of her relationship with another female, that any attempt for her hand would be met with a quick refusal. So, he treated her like one of the guys. No tricks, schemes, or manipulations. However, as time went on, he couldn't help but notice a wicked attraction between the two.

 

         The room flashed with light, and all of a sudden the protagonist found himself in a hail storm, watching all the kids from comedy club try to walk back to his house afterschool because nobody had a car.

         "Remember this? When you guys had to walk back home through two miles of hail. You guys had to huddle together while walking to stay warm, but if you look closely, there are two people who are closer then they need to be, and those people look like you and Liz. Not even you, who were in the middle of it all, ever realized where things were headed. You were so young, so naïve in the ways of social flirtation that you considered her latching onto your arm for warmth a sign of friendship. Her girlfriend was right behind you, and you didn’t care, because in your mind it was innocent."

         And with another flash of lightning, they were in a basement.

         "This is one of my personal favorite highlights of your entire life. This one night really makes up the majority of what makes me who I am. I'm just going to shut up and see if you can remember this night."

         Our protagonist looked around, and for the first time he remembered exactly where he was and what was happening.

 

         Our protagonist decided to throw a party for the people in his comedy club because he thinks people would actually go to that sort of thing. He invited Lisa and her girlfriend, and was unusually excited when they said they could make it. The protagonist had prepared drugs and liquor to be drunk like water, and for everyone to be so messed up that one of them might die. The party started, our protagonist, Lisa, and her girlfriend drank a bottle of cough syrup each, and waited. There were other people at the party, but there actions and personas are irrelevant, as the entire point rests in the next few hours.

         Through a series of not totally understood pieces of touching and feeling, our protagonist entered the bed with Lisa. Lisa's girlfriend was there to keep an eye on her, but she quickly realized that they were too busy cuddling to care about social etiquette.

        

         "This night was a big night for you. It was the first time you ever experienced the touch of someone who cared about you in a way that was no biologically programmed. I remember the party going on inside your head when this happened. You were tripping on cough syrup, you had a sexy girl in your bed that was totally there by choice, and you converted a lesbian. It was a good night, and I want so bad to just leave it here and say that’s how it ended. On a raunchy, hedonistic note. But you know, like most great stories, the apex always leads to a steady downslope till you reach the bottom. And know that you have the backstory, it's time to take that ride down."

        

         Another flash and the settings changed. This time our protagonist was dropped right into the middle of himself and Lisa having sex. He had always wondered what it would be like to watch him have sex, and he realized very quickly that it is a very shameful thing to have to witness.

         "This was the night you lost your virginity" Jeff said as he appeared right next to him again in that same white body suit. "Don’t you remember the amazing time you had here? Both of your bodies writhed in eternal ecstasy. The fingernails of your hands clawing at each other's backs. I don’t know if you remember this, but she was a virgin too, at least as far as penis goes. I swear, if you could see your eyes right now, you would see a life in them that you were never able to get back."

         "You and her spent a lot of time like this, embraced in never ending lover's passion. It felt like you two were going to die in each other's embrace, and you would have been fine with that. Something inside of you was finally fulfilled for the first time. You felt like smiling, and maybe you did once or twice, but these are the fondest moments of your life."

         Our protagonist could not take his eyes of the carnal act that was before him. He was not so much entranced by the act, but by the expressions on the participants faces. They looked so happy, and even though he knew that the person he was looking at was him, he felt like that person died eons ago, and was only a passing stranger in his mind. He looked at his youthful self, and how much passion he had. His eyes were a magnificent shade blue, then green, then grey. He could see the muscles pulse underneath his skin, and he was saddened that this is the best life ever got for him. How he wanted nothing more than to end this memory here, but he knew that being shown this tender display of young love because it will eventually come burning down, he just didn’t know how, and that was the worst pain of all, because that meant he was going to have to re-live it again, anew. He took a few more seconds to sink in the image of the person he used to be, then closed his eyes and waited for the flash, which came almost instantly.

         The landscape was no a dimly lit parking lot. There was a single car parked there, and the world was empty around it. He recognized the car sitting in the parking lot, it was his Mustang from high school. He didn't have to walk over to understand what this memory was, and what was going on inside the car.

         "This is where you found out" Jeff said. Our protagonist turned his head slightly toward Jeff, and looked up at him with eyes that were only fit for a broken and worthless man. Jeff did not seem to notice the decaying stare of a defeated man, and kept on talking anyway. "Don’t you remember. Your best friend called you from work and told you he needed to talk to you, in person. He drove to your work and he got in your car, and showed you proof that Liz had cheated on you with your second best friend. It was scandalous, almost cliché. You guys spent two years together, sharing secrets, merging souls, just for her to turn around and throw it all always."

         Our protagonist however didn’t hear a word Jeff had said. As soon as the memory of what had happened flood back, his entire head was filled with a rushing noise. Like the pure sound of adrenaline rushing through his veins at breakneck pace. He didn’t need to take a single peak inside that car to know every second of what happened in there. He could feel it. All the anger, regret, sadness and tears, it all came back like a brand new scar. It brought him to his knees, filling him with such a dark and deep sadness that he was sure that even in his own mind he could never crawl out of it. It was an unnatural pain. He remembered sitting in the parking lot after his friend left and drinking alone and crying, going over every thought in his head that would help him make some sense of the news he had just received, and he always came up with nothing. He lay down on the pavement and clutched his heart like it was being crushed by the slow tentacles of the abyss, and laid down to die, just so he could make this feeling go away again.

        

         Our protagonist was an unusual case when it came to how people function in society. There was always a natural intelligence, an affinity for critical thinking, and many people saw big things for him. But, like most geniuses, his intellect came with a downfall, and that was his ability to communicate. You have to understand, that growing up, our protagonist's thoughts were not those of a normal child. Whereas most children were thinking about lunch or swings, he as thinking about how he could maximize his potential. He spent hours during recess honing his skills. He found out what people responded to, and built his skills. He was a natural orator. He could speak to a crowd and move them to tears or laughter. However his weakness, his Achilles heel, was personal conversation. He never understood it, but our protagonist could never look people, especially women in the eye. He always felt like in some way they could see into his soul and be able to tell that he was nothing but a husk put together by what people want to see.

         The continued throughout life. He was the life of the party wherever he went but nobody ever quite knew who he was because he never stayed to chat. People would pass stories about our protagonist, and he became an mythos of sorts. Liz was the first person to look our protagonist into his eyes and he didn’t feel the need to recoil away in shame, because he saw the same thing in her too, and he felt completed. I guess one could make the argument that's why he took her infidelity so harshly, but a more educated observer would that maybe he had a little more evil inside of him then she had inside of her.

        

        

         Our protagonist awakes, not in an area from his past, but in the same odd universe where he first woke up in after he tried to kill himself, and sitting across from him once again was Jeff, in his f*****g sperm suit

         `"So, we need to talk about what just happened."

         Our protagonist had no response, as he was afraid that an opening of any orifice, including his mouth, would unleash such an angry monster it would be indiscriminate in its violence. The news of Liz's infidelity still burned just like it did the day he found out. It felt like a ball of hot iron that was left where you heart should be, and every pump of blood release more steam to power your rage. It was the most overwhelming experiences that he had ever gone through, and he figured he forgot about it because it was too painful.

         Jeff, perhaps tired of waiting for a response continued. "Ok, so here is the chain of events. I'm going to number them off because you're kind of slow"

 

1. Boy meets lesbian

2. Boy does dangerous drugs with Lesbian

3. Boy and lesbian do they do

4. They date for awhile

5. Girlfriend cheats

6. B***h feelings.

 

"Does anything on that least seem the least bit odd too you? There seems to be a large gap between you guys doing the nasty and her cheating. You ever wonder what could have happened in all that time to take the perfect example of young love and twist it so horribly it almost destroys you? Well, now is the time for me to put the rest of the pieces into place, and hopefully you see the picture.

         Almost instantly, a screen projector floated down from the nothingness and sat directly in front of our protagonist. What came on the screen appeared to be just a random assortment of photographs that are being cycled through way to fast to make anything out, and that’s when he felt Jeff's voice from behind him, almost licking his ear.

         "You and I both know that if things were as simple as this you would have gotten over it. You knew from the second you felt those emotions that something else was digging at you. Something do dark and hard to face that it ate away at you. It happened in real life and you almost killed yourself over it the first time, and it just happened again, and you finally need to see why that is"

         The protagonist was finally able to muster up some words without exploding with anger. "How will any of this help me! How will destroying me bring my mind back together! I have been following you blindly since this all began, because I always felt like you wanted me to succeed. Sure, you may be some of the worst parts of me, but I cant imagine you want me to fail and have to live in a broken mind for years, so I want some answers, or I swear to god I will lay down right now and stop fighting. I refuse to re-live all of the moments that made it so easy to kill myself, especially when this time I don’t have an escape option."

         Jeff leaned to the front of the chair and put his arms on its back. "You will participate one way or the other. You don’t have anywhere to run here, your trapped, and one way or another you will face your demons. I am surprised though. This is the first time since our entire adventure started that you actually fought back against any of this. Up until now you were just a drown, following orders, asking basic questions, and working autonomously toward the end. But this, this got to you. What was it? Was the pain to much? Did the same thing break inside of you that broke the first time you lived through it?