Chapter One.

How can someone get lost twice in one day? Surely once you know where you’re going, or where you want to end up, it’s impossible to get lost right? I guess that in getting lost, life brings you to where you are meant to be. That’s the thinking that lead me to believe where I was now was the place I was born to live in. I’d packed up my small apartment in Melbourne up and left. I didn’t even say where I was going or even think about who I was leaving behind. I just left. I was in search of something more fulfilling and satisfying. I just quit my job and drove.

 

And the place that I found was beautiful, an hour just outside of Melbourne. The people went about their business without care and every face had a smile. At any moment, I swear a dance sequence was about to break out. I’d often wished that would just spontaneously happen but I’d be waiting forever to experience that. Maybe one day but I wasn’t holding out much hope. Maybe the universe would send one my way.

 

The streets were busy with cars and people walking on the footpaths, some even wearing headphones to accompany them in their walking journey, dancing along to the beat. The city was busy but this small town was on a whole new level. It was more comfortable instead of feeling like it was overcrowded. Something was pulling me to this town and I was really glad it did. I was in love already and I’d only been here for 24 hours now. I guess luck was on my side when I found the most perfect little house near the river and then the landlord’s permission to decorate how I saw fit. My creative brain started jumping up and down with the new project and all the possibilities that came with free reign, it was dangerous.  My furniture looked out of place though. I had a second hand grey L shaped couch lying underneath the window near the front door. The kitchen was off to the left hand side of the lounge room and my bedroom was just through the other side with the bathroom attached. I didn’t have too many personal touches but in time, I would change that. I did have a few nice cushions lying on the couch but none of them matched anything else within the house. I’d taken a one bedroom Melbourne apartment interior and shoved it into a small Geelong cottage house.

 

I was sick of the repetitive cycle that had been my life since I was 18. Now it was time to just be me and live the way I wanted.

 

Everything seemed to fall into place already, like it was meant to be. Well, at least that’s what I was choosing to believe anyway. This free feeling was different and it was a little overwhelming. It was just me. No parents, no siblings, no friends, no one. I was suddenly starting to get a little lightheaded so I continued to walk along the beach side path one afternoon. Maybe some more walking would clear my head and stop a certain panic attack from taking over my entire body. I’d known that feeling a little too well and wasn’t too thrilled that they’d come back. It kind of worked but not to the extent that I needed it too.

 

And then it all hit me at once. I was really alone.

 

“Are you alright Ma’am?” A grey haired man asked. I could only just hear him as my panic attack grew worse by the millisecond. I collapsed to my knees; the cement ground was hard and unforgiving. I knew there would be cuts and bruises already forming but I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. I felt like I was being suffocated from the inside. Something had a tight hold on my lungs. That something was choking me.

 

“Hey now, you’re alright just look at me and take some deep breaths,” the old man said getting down to my eye level and forcing me to look at him.

 

I could see him but the whole breathing part was tricky.

 

He wouldn’t give up; he just kept on talking to me and getting me to focus. I knew I could trust him in that split second before my oxygen was completely cut off. I had too. I really liked living and if I was going to continue on with this new journey, I needed to be breathing for that. I closed my eyes and focused on unchaining my lungs however I could. Several minutes passed by and I heard several new faded voices but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I could if I focused but right now, breathing held a little more importance. More minutes passed by at a snail’s pace before everything became clearer and I was able to breathe normally. My lungs were thankful for being released from the tight grip. I was too for that matter.

 

“There you are,” he whispered with a crinkly smile on his face.

 

It reminded me of my own father; my strong and stubborn late father who didn’t take s**t from anyone, including my late mother who was the complete opposite of him. He shrugged his coat off his shoulders and wrapped them around mine. I was warm instantly and it was extremely welcomed right now. There was a storm brewing judging by the speed of the wind and just how cold it was turning.

 

“Thank you,” I choked out as he rubbed my back for extra warmth as well as keeping my panic under wraps. Hopefully they would leave altogether.  

 

“Let’s get you inside before this storm hits,” he said helping me up slowly. My legs were like jelly as I stood up and begun walking forward.

 

“Well, as far as a storm goes in this town. It’ll be over in minutes,” he chuckled to himself leading me into a small building.

 

I wonder what he meant by that?

 

“Mum said I shouldn’t go with strangers,” I whispered, trying to use some humour to get back to myself.

 

Wonder if that had worked? Probably not, I still felt the same as I did earlier. The old man laughed so I guess it might have worked. Or he was just being really nice. Who knew?

 

“It’s just a café,” he said politely.

 

Inside, my brain started to identify those normal café sounds one hears like lightly played music overhead, the mugs carefully hitting the saucers as they were put down and chit chat from each occupied table. It was so relaxed.

 

“Beth, could you please make a hot chocolate and my usual please?” he asked the young blonde girl behind the giant coffee machine.

 

And giant wasn’t even an understatement. She nodded with a smile and then got right to work, concentrating on each element.

 

“Hot chocolate?” I questioned raising my eyebrow.

 

“How did you know I liked that?” I was so confused but seeing as I almost died, it was acceptable.

 

But still, everyone assumed I was a coffee addict.

 

“Everyone loves hot chocolate,” He chuckled once more and then pulled out a chair for me to sit in.

 

I sat down then he moved to sit in the opposite chair. They were actually pretty comfortable considering they didn’t exactly look it.

 

“I think it might be the marsh mellows that draw people in,” he said.

 

“I don’t like marshmellows,” I scrunched my face up to emphasise my point.

 

“Well then, I’ll steal yours,” he shifted in his seat.

 

 “So what’s your name?” He then asked in a fluid topic shift. It threw me off guard a bit.

 

I bit my lip harshly. I was thankful that he helped me overcome a panic attack and I sort of trusted him but just not quite that much. I wasn’t an easy book to read. I was complicated with a lot of chapters and hidden secrets. I knew how to hide them so no one else could find them. It was a talent of mine. That way, no one could hurt me. It was my most proud skill, my only skill really.

 

“It’s just a name,” he pressed carefully.

 

Well okay, maybe I was overreacting just a little bit I guess. A name wouldn’t hurt. Would it?

 

“Rebecca,” I answered as the girl named Beth walked over handing me a mug of hot chocolate and the old man a coffee.

 

I couldn’t tell from where I sat what kind of coffee but he smiled and thanked her. Beth smiled at me sweetly as she left which made it seem like she was a lovely girl. I knew that things could turn, but you couldn’t be too careful. Still, she didn’t have to smile at me at all. I concluded that she was nice.

 

“What brings you to this lovely old town Rebecca?” He asked leaning forward slightly, leaning on his elbows.

 

 I sat back in my chair. The stance was a little over powering which I wasn’t expecting at all.

 

“I didn’t catch your name,” I deflected.

 

I knew the answer to his question but it was a little too revealing. I had a clean slate in this town. I could be anyone I wanted.  

 

“Bill,” He answered.

 

“Now your turn. What brings you here?” He wasn’t looking like he was backing down at all.

 

I wasn’t giving in either. We both had clear signs of stubbornness.

 

“Who says I was new?” I answered his question with a question.

 

People hated that, me included and I shuddered with annoyance at myself. Bill frowned but answered anyway. Well, that didn’t work.

 

“I know everyone in town and I never forget a face,” he replied cryptically.

 

S**t, I wasn’t fooling anybody, even myself. I secretly hated that but didn’t give anything away.

 

“I’ve owned this café for 20 years now. It’s where I met my wife,” Bill said toying with the edge of his coffee cup, smiling at the memory.

 

 “Our kids are here too. Beth is my daughter but my son chose another path,” he finished, still smiling.

 

Maybe I judged too quickly. Bill was a family man and he seemed to be the kind of guy willing to give a hand when needed. I felt really guilty right about now. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have a friend or someone to lean on. I didn’t have any idea what was up ahead, it would be nice to seek comfort in someone whenever something horrible did come about.

 

“I needed something new. I was stuck in the same old job with the same old life. I couldn’t take it anymore so I packed up and left,” I said not daring to meet his eyes.

 

My defences were falling down quickly. I didn’t have any reinforcements.  I was screwed.

 

“You just left everyone behind?” He asked raising an eyebrow at me.

 

I nodded.

 

“I had no one to leave behind,” I muttered which made him flinch slightly.

 

I flinched too. He had a family; I didn’t. He wouldn’t understand. No one would.

 

Silence passed between us as he tried to find some words to say. I knew there weren’t any words to be said. I needed to leave now. Things had gone on for too long and in a few more minutes, he would start asking the family questions and I was in no way, shape or form to be answering any of those.

 

“Thank you for your hospitality but I really should leave,” I said lifting my head to meet his eyes.

 

“My kitchen is still bare.” I faked a chuckle.

 

He made a face that showed he knew the laugh wasn’t real; I was the worst actor alive. There should be an award for it. Was there one?

 

“Of course,” He smiled sweetly then bowed his head once.

 

“If ever you need to just relax somewhere, or you’re in need of some quick cash you have a place here.” He stood along with me.

 

I smiled at him as I took his coat off and handed it back. I made a small mental note to find a coat like his, might come in handy in the future.

 

“Thank you,” I replied before walking out of the café and outside.

 

The fresh air felt different now and instead of choking me, it was calming me down, changing my entire outlook on the rest of the day. I felt different too. Funny how something that isn’t visible had such an effect on someone. It was an incredible element.

 

Back at home safely, I decided to put on some music, no matter how much my neighbours may hate it, and then did something that I was growing to love; redecorating. First I had to clean up so I started with wiping down every surface so that it was dust free and I ended up sneezing with every stroke that blew dust around. I was never fully diagnosed with a dust allergy but with every sneeze, I was beginning to believe that I actually had it. It was annoying. All my furniture looked old and plain which I would normally like but with this whole new clean slate, it wasn’t going to cut it. So I grabbed my bag, put on my shoes and dashed out to the closest paint shop I could find. As it turned out, there wasn’t a shortage of them in this town. Go figure. I just picked the best looking and closest one, found a car park and walked in.

 

I had no freaking idea what I was doing. Who knew paint shopping could be so difficult. I looked like a lost puppy starring at the wall with all the paint colour samples hanging from it. I was actually a lost puppy. No one stopped to help either and I had all but given up until I turned around and literally smacked into some guy. My hand grazed sharply across his face and my knee smacked him right in the southern regions. Anyone would think I was just attacked.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” I shrieked, trying to help but actually making it worse.

 

So much worse.  

 

“Do you need any help?” He wheezed out.

 

He was hunched over almost rolling in pain. The aisle was too small for him to do so which might have been a good thing in the end. I didn’t want this scene to get any bigger and more embarrassing than it already was.

 

“Um, I’m pretty sure you need more help than I do,” I said biting my lip.

 

He unfolded himself and then towered over me. He still looked to be in a fair bit of pain but pushed it aside like it never happened.

 

“I really am sorry,” I replied in the most apologetic voice I could muster.

 

“Surprisingly this happens a fair bit,” He chuckled, wincing again.

 

“You looked a little lost so I came over to help,” He recovered before I said anything stupid.

 

“Uh, yeah,” I said still struggling to get my words out.

 

I mentally smacked myself a million times over. Such an idiot. My heart was still unsettled the longer he stayed by my side. Why was it doing that?

 

“So I take it you’re looking to buy paints,” he said motioning to the wall of colours.

 

I followed his gaze then nodded.

 

“I have no idea what I’m doing or what I should even be looking for,” I chuckled.

 

And I blushed deeply when he laughed along with me. Or at me, I didn’t know which one was more embarrassing. Either way the sound was lovely.

 

“Okay so what’s your project?” he asked turning his gaze from the wall to me, crossing his arms over his chest, and then looking back at me.

 

I blushed deeper.

 

“I want to paint some furniture I have,” I answered.

 

“I want them to look new.” I said, hoping he would know what I meant. He nodded like he understood.

 

I wasn’t making sense at all. I think I confused us both with that brilliant sentence.

 

“I have the perfect kind for that,” He smirked.

 

“Follow me to my office,” he said starting to walk away but keeping an eye on me making sure I followed.

 

He was acting kind of like an a*s right now but I sadly didn’t have any other option other than to go with what he said. And besides, everyone else was busy. He was the expert here, not me. He led me over to a bench wrapped around a giant machine that was whirring away and pulled out some catalogues, flipping through the pages before finding the one he wanted. He wore such a serious face as he scanned the pages.

 

“This is the best brand that you want to be looking at if you’re painting any kind of furniture,” He said pointing to the page.

 

I followed his finger and read the small bits of information and I mean small. How did anyone read this? But it matched what he was saying so things were looking up and made more sense than just a wall of paint samples.

 

“It has proven to last a long time and in a variety of elements,” he said with conviction.

 

A total salesman speech if I wasn’t mistaken. I had to fight an eye roll.

 

“Then I think that’s the ones to get,” I said smiling. This seemed so easy.

 

“Is there anything else I need other than paint?” I asked. Which sounded really dumb and I wanted to curl up into a ball in the corner for that. My cheeks got hotter. Any hotter and I’d light the place on fire.

 

“You really haven’t done this before have you?” he asked chuckling, finding so much enjoyment in this. I shook my head.

 

“Just some sand paper and brushes if you don’t have any. And I’d suggest some newspaper underneath,” he replied helpfully but had an amused look on his face.

 

“Thank you,” I said still embarrassed at how dumb I was making myself look.

 

I actually felt a little insulted but played it off casually.

 

“No need to thank me. That’s what I’m here for,” He smiled and my knees almost buckled at it. He had slight dimples on either side of his mouth. It reached all the way up to his deep brown eyes.

 

“Pick out your colours and I’ll sort it all out for you,” he said smugly.

 

I didn’t get it. Was he an a*s of a guy or really nice? I was so confused with the mood whiplash.

 

I nodded then went to pick out some safe colours then stopped half way back to the counter. Safe colours were the old me and if I wanted to change, I needed to step away from things that made me safe. So I dumped them and then went back to the wall, picking out a nice teal, yellow and grey colours. After I paid for them, there was no going back. I was definitely changing. This was it. While the paint was being mixed, I located the brushes and the sand paper that was recommended. I picked up a few of each brush, not knowing the exact ones I needed. I was winging this entire shopping trip but at least it was getting me out of my house and doing something productive and new instead of going out of my mind. I even decided to pick up some takeaway on the way home. It was a day of successes.

 

“Your paint is ready,” the young brown eyed boy said to me.

 

 I snapped out of my thoughts and walked up to the counter to collect them.

 

“Thanks again,” I laughed grabbing the plastic bag off of him. It was heavier than I thought it would be.

 

“I’d still be looking at the wall without you,” I replied with a chuckle.

 

“And I wouldn’t have been injured and...Well…you know,” He laughed.

I blushed deeply.

 

“I’m so sorry about that,” I apologised again.

 

I was Little Miss Clumsy.

 

“You can make it up to me by coming out to dinner with me,” he said giving me a cocky grin.

“That’s a horrible pick up line,” I said quickly reading his name badge before continuing, “Dan.”

 

“It worked did it not?” he asked raising an eyebrow. He was now oozing cockiness.

 

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. This guy, Dan, was mood switching so quickly. One minute he was funny and a little bit sweet, then 10 seconds later he was a complete a*s. Just like every other male I had met. And I worked with my fair share of them.

 

“Thank you for your help,” I said turning on my heels and walking away.

 

“You’re welcome Rebecca,” he said.

 

I stopped dead and then slowly turned around, just like in the movies. I was beginning to fume now. I shot Dan a glare and he stood there smirking still. I wanted to smack it right off again.

 

“How did you know my name?” I almost growled. I almost sounded like my mother.

 

I don’t remember even mentioning my name to him or anyone. I only spoke to him about paint and brushes.

 

“I saw your driver’s license when you paid for the paint,” his smirk grew wider and the urge to smack it off grew along with it.

 

It was close.

 

I didn’t say another word. I actually couldn’t think of anything to say in all honesty. I just turned on my heels and walked out of the shop. Dan may have been helpful but he didn’t need to be an a*s about everything after that. I got more and angrier as I drove home. How dare he act that way to me, or to anyone for that matter? Didn’t his mother give him the speech of ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’? Judging by what came out of his mouth, I was saying no. And wasn’t it the number one rule of customer service to always being nice to the customers? Was he actually horrible to me though? No. He was just an a*s, complete and total a*s.

 

I reached home a little too late to actually start cooking anything and I was more than hungry. Completely forgetting to stop and grab something. The only downside was that my fridge was empty. Well, not true, it did have something in it but I was pretty sure the milk was off. I needed to get some food and do it quickly. I was about to die from hunger and the shops weren’t open much longer. I made it just in time.