Together, but Alone

We might be together,
But I am still alone.
Staying away,
Not wanting to be close.

Hiding behind a mask,
That shows smiles instead of pain.
Pushing it all away,
For emptiness to gain.

No tears come to my eyes.
Just smiles to my lips.
Not complete broke,
Just a bunch of tiny rips.

Reviews

[lee von cleef]

Just a bunch of tiny rips, now this is inventive, true wording,

[A. V. Madison]

Another excellent poem from Ms. Tackett. Bravo, hon.

[Jeffrey]

This was excellent, thank you for sharing!

I would take a look at your last stanza, though...

The first two follow a type of grammatical cadence. Comma, period. Comma, Period. The last stanza could and should followthe same cadence. Also, the third line in that last stanza has some wording issues that will be easily addressed with a simple edit.

Outside of those simple fixes, I thought that this was terrific!!!

[bursting colors]

its a great poem

[None]

I like this a lot. This is such a real and relatable circumstance and you capture it simply and bluntly. Each line feeds into the next with the reality of the feelings you have. One suggestion: "not complete broke" doesn't make sense, do you mean "not completely broken"? Just pour over that one for a minute. I am sure you will find what you mean. That line has a bunch of ways it can go. Great work!

[RachelReaper]

My stanza was the last one, because its like, your not quite dead, but being tortured from the inside. You really caught the essence of it and I like it a lot!

[SeventhSin]

I freaking love this! Mazie Tackett has once again hit a home run! :)

But I really love how I can feel/see the emotion put into this! If this is from experience then keep strong girl! Keep up the amazing writing! You should be very proud of your work. :) Great job.

[T. Logan]

This is sad and really adorable at the same time. It seems to describe a lot of relationships, where one person feels insecure and doesn't think he or she can be loved.

[WickedPenWielder]

You capture the sadness of being in a relationship where the love from one end is dying and you are desperately trying to hold on and make things work. In your words I was there. Great job!
*typos (complete should be completely)

[Owlgirl]

Great wording, and amazing rhyme scheme. It has a nice flow and emotion just seems to seep out from the lines.