She Fail!

A lone girl wishing to be welcomed.

In the corner she hid, trying not to cry. The room was full, buzzing with excitement, but she felt all alone. People she considered her friends sat just within seeing and hearing distance, but she knew she wouldn't, couldn't go to them. Even if the table hadn't been full, she wouldn't have joined them. A burden, a bother, she refused to be. She stared longingly, wishing desperately that she fit in somewhere. Everywhere she went, she felt like an intruder, and made herself and those she cared about uncomfortable. The corner is lonely, but safe. It provided her protection from the rejection, it gave shelter from the rain of tears sure to come. The ones she held dearest to her heart, felt no connection to her at all. If seated amongst them, she would have sat quietly, listening and observing her loved ones. Their thoughts, feelings, opinions, meant the world to her. To hear the disgust, disappointment, or distain in their voice would break her heart. It would shred what hope she had at friendship, slight as that hope may be. The stares from her friends made her heart sink lower because they did not contain smiles. She writes, pours out her emotions, onto a page, to empty her heart. The facade she hides behind stands within their presence, but crumbles when alone in her own thoughts. They care for her, but do not necessarily want her around. She is their past, while they are her past and present. She relies on distant memories to keep her company when she can no longer stand being alone. Though to her, they seem to be trying to forget. These feelings, she hates, make her feel weak and dependent, however, she cannot help it. These people found a hole in her wall, and crawled their way into her heart. There, in the hollows of a grief-stricken chest, she unwittingly held her treasures hostage in her weeping heart, unable to let them go. She tries subtly to be a part of their lives, little by little, to wiggle her way into all least their thoughts. Alas it seems, she always fails.

Author's Note

So what do you think? Anything you would say to this girl? What do you think about her thought process? What about her friends? Do you think they really don't want her around, or is it just her own fears?

Reviews

[emmajoy]

To feel like this is more than wretchedly sad, Mazie. It's like reading about someone being eaten alive by isolation and fear which is terrible, absolutely terrible and terrifying. But, reading a second time, can't help but feel that you, fact or fiction, a character, could make efforts to escape from a situation that has become a miserable, mishapen habit. Your words speak clearly but without colour or hope. Perhaps a vestige of both now and again would lure the people around you to be more empathic. Perhaps? To raise a boulder one has to use a certain kind of strength... tis said.

[Ahmad Cox]

I think you described the way a lot of people feel when they are used to being rejected and I think people can relate to this story.

[Philip Muls]

I believe her friends can feel her confusion and do not know how to deal with it so they leave her be. Which she considers to be a sign that she is unworthy...so she is trapped in a loop.

[Valentine]

Write something happy for a change.