Chapter II

PART - II

 

“Good Morning!  Welcome to Informatics Helpline, How can I be of assistance?” Suparna could hear the voices of her colleagues offering assistance to various callers in their own way. She has been at work for the last two hours and didn’t have any calls to look into right now. She decided to take a break .

 

“Anju ! can u cover me up for 15 minutes. I need a break.”

“Okie Su!, But not more than 15  minutes, as I have a hunch that we are gonna be flooded with calls.”

“Thanks Anju, I will be back soon. Do you need anything?”

“No, am fine, thanks”

 

Suparna went to the pantry and made herself a cup of coffee .She sat in the table next to a glass window and her eyes started to wander the streets, observing all the people walking on the road. After sometime, her gaze fixed on a young couple who were holding hands and walking slowly. They looked so happy and peaceful together and this brought a smile on her face. Her memory started wandering backwards and came to a stop at the image of she and Rahul holding hands. He was the only person; she had ever come to love and still in love. He was her best friend in her college days. He knew everything about her except those incidents which had left her wounded. She fell in love with him and knew that he loved her too. She wanted to be true to him. So she told him everything that she had been hiding from him. She thought that he will understand, but his reaction was opposite to what she had expected. He slowly withdrew from her till there was no contact.

 

Not wanting to breakdown in the office, Suparna relaxed and found that it was almost 15 minutes. She left the pantry and on entering the work area, the same cacophony of voices greeted her. She went to her seat and carried on with her work after thanking Anjali. She became busy in the second half with a flood of calls just as Anjali had predicted. After a hectic day at work, Su and Anjali went back to their place. After having their dinner, they decided to turn in for the day. Suparna went to the living room and switched on the light and opened her satchel that contained her diaries and randomly picked one. It was diary of the year 1997. She immediately realized that it’s gonna be a long night.

                                  January -1997 

“Hi there,                             14^th January 1997                    

          I am in my native place in uncle’s house for the pongal celebration. This is the first time that we are coming to my native place for pongal. Usually we celebrate it in Chennai itself. Today morning, my brother was wearing a traditional dress called “panjakacham” in Tamil. I, bro and cousin sis went to the temple with our uncle in BLACKIE. That is the name of Uncle’s car. On her way back home, blackie stopped functioning. My brother had to walk 2 kms in his dress to get some fuel for the car. I was laughing at the image of my bro in his  attire. He looked so funny.He was very angry and irritated that he had to roam around in the stupid attire and he was having trouble to make it stay.On reaching home, I shared this with everyone in house and we all had a laugh at my brother’s expense.Poor bro’s face went red with embarrassment. ha ha ha .”

 

Suparna was chuckling as she completed that entry on her diary. She turned sober as she missed her brother and the silly fights with him. She then browsed  her entries and her  hands stopped at the page dated March 28^th 1997.

                        March 1997

“Hi there,                   28^th March,1997

    It has been a long time since I had the nightmare of that Uncle. But yesterday night , I woke up with fear because of that nightmare and  couldn’t sleep after that. So I switched on the lights and started studying for the English "II exam that I had today.The question paper was very easy and am sure that I will definitely score a centum in it. If I do score well, mom had promised to get me a ladybird cycle. I have science exam tomorrow and am prepared for it. After the exam , I have to attend the special class for physics. So I will not be able to sleep in the afternoon, so I better get to sleep. But am still wondering about the nightmare. Hope I do not get the nightmare tonight. Ok then, bye Good night .Sweet dreams.”

 

Su knew what was  gonna come in the next day’s entry and  her hands were trembling as she turned the page. Her eyes were already filled with tears.

“Hi,                            29^th March, 1997

Why does it always happen to me? Life is so dirty. I don’t wanna live. I feel so dirty and like garbage. I feel like am gonna become crazy. Why do some human beings behave like animals and why is it that am so unfortunate, that am being picked up as a plaything by these animals. I am so scared. I am not sure whether to tell mom or not. I don’t want to school anymore. Hell, I don’t even wanna live anymore, let alone going to school. I never thought that physics sir would do something like this to me. HE is an animal. HE dirtied me. I fought him , but he was so strong. I  screamed for help and this aayah saw my situation but she never helped me .Are her eyes blind or heart? I am so sick of people. I don’t know what to do . Am very scared. But am angry too, on this animal who should have been a teacher to me. For God’s sake these persons are supposed to be educated.They say that education turns you into a human being from an animal. But this pig still remained one even after education and gaining so much knowledge. There are so many pigs like this one roaming in this world and that’s what I am scared of. Am very scared. God HELP ME PLEASE.What mistake did I do ? Why this cruel punishment. It is more worse than a guillotine.. I don’t wanna live . I hate u god! . Y do u have to be so harsh on me. This is not fair at all. I hate you and I will never pray to you again. U are a bad god. U are very partial. I HATE U. Do u get that? U have lost one child. U could have done something, but u chose to do nothing . I HATE U AND I HATE MYSELF.What am I gonna do ..”

 

Su closed the diary as the memory replayed in her mind. She couldn’t control it. She started crying, still cursing God for scarring her at so an young age. She then remembered that her best friend died because of the same animal. She couldn’t bear the anguish and so committed suicide. She was also dirtied by the same animal. But nobody did anything. Even Su couldn’t do anything because of the fear. She hated the man who had spoiled her in young age never letting her be happy When she told Rahul about this , he felt betrayed and this memory served the purpose of separating them. All the anguish, that she had locked up in her heart resurfaced again and she felt like she was choking. All the memories were playing in her mind. Her eyes were drooping with tiredness and she realized that it was already 2:00 am  in the morning. She went to the bedroom and lied down on the bed .She was crying and slowly she slipped into sleep with the memory of her first meeting with Rahul. The memory slowly drifted into the dream and she entered the abandoned alley once again.