They Always Said

  They always said "don't drop out of school, finish school. Go to college, find a man, don't get pregnant at a young age or before your done with school.

I always said I'm not going to dropout of school, I'm going to go to college, I'm not worried about finding a man, I don't need a man to do everything I can do it myself, I don't think I'll get pregnant this young, I don't want to get pregnant at a young age I'd like to be at least 23 when I have my first child.

All my life sure they always said the main goals but what no one else heard was the things they always said whenever I made a mistake. I didn't make straight A's at all, but I had decent and above average grades, and I did it all on my own with no help. Yet they always said "oh try harder" never congratulations or your doing great keep up the good work. I always felt alone. Outcasted, too different, not normal, like I always messed up everything. I got to the age where I started to like boys. So I got called a w***e because something happened and I was all alone and had no one there to help me when I screamed and tried my hardest to get away. I was shamed by the whole damn world, yet no one cared enough about what really happened, all they did was leave and call me any shameful names they could ever think about. What did they say? Oh just forget about it. I was getting bullied, really bad for years. What'd they say? Get over it, hurt them back. Easier said then done, when you get hurt all your life you can't just hurt someone and not feel nothing when you have a caring heart and don't want to feel pain or see anyone else go through any type of pain, no matter how cruel one can be. You just can't. Also when your anorexic, it's not all that easy to just hurt them back. Your really stuck. Okay now lets go a little bit farther and kinda to the outlined main events, after recovering from anorexia and depression I'm still in school. I have not once ever dropped out, but I did decide to do a different and faster way of getting school done, but I did not drop out. Afterwards I'm actually going to get my A.A degree, at a college. I am having a child also. Even though the father does not want me to have it or keep it, I am. Even though it hurts me that he doesn't want to be there at all, I'm not letting that effect me on raising the baby, I believe that a child is the most precious gift anyone could ever receive. A lot of people have never had any faith in nothing or in me, but I have not let that stop me from doing whatever I thought was right or let it stop me to not achieve in my life. Hell it's really a new beginning of a new life, a little odd but it's a good start. I've learned not to listen to what they have always said to me because it was always just more bricks to carry on my shoulders and who cares what the hell they say or think, they are not me. This is not their life, and they have never been there. I don't care if their still not there I have myself, and even though sometimes I question if he's there or not I have God there, and now I have a baby boy.      

Reviews

[Chris]

Some things just have that 'real' vibe... this to me is one. Welcome to the real world Macie... you're doing great and becoming the woman you're meant to be. Life isn't fair or easy and choices have real consequences AND power. You've my respect and best wishes.

Chris