No One Warned Me It Would Be This Way

obviously i wasnt in the best mood when i wrote this

I’m angry

I’m angry at you

For not feeling what I’m feeling

And for not knowing what I’m feeling

I’m angry at him for being angry at me

I’m angry at myself

Because this is all my fault

So maybe you should all just leave

And ill remain an empty tired husk

Maybe I’m always busy

Because all I do in my free time is cry

And maybe I’m always tired

Because there is more than one kind of ‘tired’

And maybe I will die alone

But so will you

Maybe I’ve already given up

But no

Because I have enough pills to be dead right now

And I’m not

Why can’t I admit it’s all wrong?

I think maybe no one wants to hear

And even if someone does

I won’t know what to say

Because we’re all going through stuff

And no one is happy around here I’m sure

So who am I to complain?

But it’s not my fault it’s all caving in

I know these walls aren’t real

But I feel like I’ve been trapped under ruins for months

Without food or water

And when they find me they’ll say it’s a miracle

That I’m still alive

But what if they don’t?

I’ll die alone under imaginary ruins

I don’t want to die

Because how can you want something you only understand in theory?

When was the last time I told anyone the truth?

How can I say you don’t care

When I keep lying?

So here it is

Yes, I am tired

But I did sleep

No, I am not allergic to anything

There is nothing in my eye

Oh, you like this pen?

Sure, you can keep it

I’m not generous

I’m just not sure I want to stay