The Kiss

In a universe not very different from our own, lived a teenage girl whose last happy moment is her first kiss.

Skin to skin contact is forbidden and here stands Ava Dax lip locked with a boy born pure. Bo, the boy who grew from a sack in the ground, his genes randomly selected, and filthy without apology. Ava had not been told directly to stay away from Bo, it was common knowledge that he was trouble, but after getting to know him she thought that he was worth it.

            The teenagers are standing lip to lip in an endless field of pods, now glowing, as the first sun moves towards the east and makes its way beneath the mountains. The trees sways gently, creating a light breeze. The podlettes giggles at the antics of the teenage stowaways.

            "Ava!" Bo whispers.

            Caught off guard she manages a fragile. "What?"

            "Are you alright?" He steps back giving her space to think. "We were having so much fun today and I thought that I could, would-" He stares at her hoping that she would interject at anytime. He studies her eyes and overall body language and is unable to read her, so he assumes the worst. "I am sorry, if I over stepped or did I hurt you."

            Ava smiles apologetically, "It was fine, you are-." She takes a deep breathe, and corrects her posture. "I was just taken by surprise. I did not expect this day. Me. You. I did not expect that I would be anyplace with you--ever."

            Bo looks thoroughly confused, he opens his mouth to speak, but stops himself, he tries to speak once more but no sound came out. On his third and final attempt he musters up, "I though that you were different from the other Techs, you spend all your time with the Arzus, I did not think that you would mind."

            Bo's statement made her infuriated, she rolls her eyes and squeezes her eyebrows together in fustration, then turned her back to him and walks away slowly shaking her head. Bo waited for a few seconds still confused, he skips to catch up to Ava, then taps her on the shoulder and turns her back towards him. Ava looks directly into his eyes in hopes of showing her complete honesty as she prepares herself to speak.

            "You are not the most honest person, you do things that are considered questionable. I know that you are in the virtual stations daily, experimenting with creatures of all sorts." Ava had no real knowledge of what was done in the virtual stations. As far as rumours go, young adults frequent these venues to experiment with activities that are considered dangerous. She continues her obscure rant. "I also know without a doubt that you provide alternative routes for illegal activities and blocks for the C.I.-"

            Bo throws up his hands in the air, interupting Ava's train of thought. "You got me Ava Dax, arrest me for all my crimes against the colonies."

            "You are not funny. I am simply trying to say that your race has nothing to do with my reservations, your actions do."

            Bo stares at Ava smiling, he grabs her by the shoulders and kisses her again. This time Ava is caught up in the kiss and thinks it through carefully. She is making all the seconds count and storing each piece of information safely to memory. His lips are moist, soft, and gentle, his grip and release are timed with lethal precision. His hands moves from her shoulders to her waist, he takes a breath and lets out a gently gust of mint. He kisses with intent, as if to tell her a secret. With this kiss, she feels something, an overwhelming emotional response. Ava uses her index finger and touched her thumb and it tingles all through her body. Bo takes his hands from her waist and places them to each side of her face, and pushes her slowly away from his body.

            "There, now how was that?" He says boastfully.

            Ava whimpers, "I was good." She shakes her head and tries to recover from her trance. "I mean it not I, I said I, meant it." She holds her head down unable to contain her joy.

            Bo smiles again, the smile that makes others wants to smile. He is pleased with himself. He knows that he is portraying wonderful and getting the very response back without using words.

            Trying to put Ava at ease Bo grabs her hand and pulls her towards the Klacker, a small colony ship they had hitched a ride in on. "Don't mention it. You are the first Tech that I have ever taken to my birth place and I am the first Purist you've ever kissed. We are even."

            Ava was surprised, Bo had given her the entire tour earlier without revealing the significance of the place he and his friends had brought her to. She pulls on his hands so that he would stop, she looked around as far as she would see and took in all the manificient sights and smells.

            "You would share this, with me?"

            "Yes!" He responded quickly. "You showed me kindness when I moved into your father's colony. You encouraged me to do more than I thought was capable of. I am greatful just to know you." He holds her hands to his mouth and kissed them both.

Author's Note

This is actually from a chapter in a book that I am working on and I just want to know if I am on the right track. I need to know the good, bad and the ugly. Give it to my straight I can take criticism.
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Photo reference:
exit scene by `spyroteknik
Digital Art / Paintings & Airbrushing / Sci-Fi ©2005-2012 `spyroteknik

Reviews

[Craig2591]

It's an interesting story. I like it when the writer doesn't explain everything and leaves me wondering about things. Some people want everything explained up front.

You keep changing tense, sometimes in the middle of a sentence.

I definitely think this is worth continuing.

[TL Boehm]

I am definitely intrigued regarding the rest of the book based on this snippet/excerpt. While the scene is solid, romantic and well written - what really piques my interest is the rest of the story - "Skin to skin contact is forbidden and here stands Ava Dax lip locked with a boy born pure. Bo, the boy who grew from a sack in the ground, his genes randomly selected, and filthy without apology. " i want the rest of THAT.
Sounds like a great story.

[reflectingus]

This is so romantic! First of all, great language. The beginning was just perfect, just like the conclusion. I find it really cool how you picked the name 'Ava', something that you don't hear everyday. Adds to the overall uniqueness. Everything between the intro and conclusion, I read every word with great interest, and didn't want to stop. The kiss part was soo cute, and I love all the details you have here. You have really emphasized the personality of your characters in a great way- Ava's thought process, a bit questioning about this Bo (btw, perfect introduction of Bo in the first para), her stammering after the kiss.
I loved every part of this story, and would love to read the whole book, and understand better! You are certainly on the right track, keep writing!!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Great story with an excellent plot, well descripted and the imagery was perfect, which allows the readers not only to read but to see and feel everything in the story, Well written story!

[Coyote Poetry]

A nice beginning to the story. I like the characters and the conversation. You gave some history and the interaction of the character was enough for a opening chapter. You create hope and possibilities in this chapter. A strong opening chapter.
Coyote