Angels

Emotions that reside with in my heart are present in this piece of writing

The radiant sun was shining as she bled there in my arms, as she struggled with every breath I could feel her letting go. My arms were now serving as her death bed , her blood trickled down my elbow and drop by drop fell onto the the lush green grass present in this eden of death. My arms were stained red with her warm blood as she bled from her wounds.
She then breathed her last ,I saw her take in that last breath that desire to survive had now died with in her. I felt her grip me harder as if struggling to let go. Then she left me she became an angel and moved on and I was left to weep over the remains of my diamond the diamond I had given everything to protect but I failed I failed.
Her body went cold and so did my heart as it lost it's purpose to beat as it lost it's desire to beat. I lay beside her now waiting to catch a glimpse of the angel of death so that he may take my soul and reunite me with my diamond in heaven.

"Angels are invisible to mortal eyes, they can only be seen by immortal Hearts"

Reviews

[Chris]

Did you lose a girlfriend? That's what I'm getting. Unless she really did pass away I'd change the approach just a little. Maybe expanding the story and making it longer and spell out the relationship and explain why she left. Or why you left. Give a little back story. I hope I helped.

[maverick]

She didn't pass away she just left . I decided not to go into the details myself.
Thank you and this was helpful. :)

[Dalton Wagoner]

0_0 that is a deep poem right there! Lol

[maverick]

So here's my second post :)
I'd like to know your opinion regarding it. ;)
Thanks a lot for taking out the time to read it.
I'd really appreciate any suggestions.