Demise

I watched this koreanovella and I was moved to tears at a scene where the guy died but his spirits wandered and saw the girl mourning for his dead body. I made my own version of it.

Blinding light shining above

With glassy stairs alluring me to take a step

Should I go now? That I have asked

As I watched you mourn on my lifeless body in depth.

For the first time I saw tears fell from your eyes

As you held my pale warm hands

I hate to see you like that, please don't cry.

I have to leave now, please understand.

When horizontal line was drawn on my health scan

Everything starts to be in a rabble

"100 jolts" says the doctor, the world spun

The room was filled of palpable tension.

The light is slowly swallowing all of me

I saw you faint in tears, down you lied

I stretched out my hand but no one could see

Everyone was crying, weeping, I died.

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is so sad Ink .You have penned it with honest emotions very ,very well :)

[Mirra]

Thank you Vidya :-) Glad you like this.

[Vidya Bacchus]

I did and you are welcome :)

[The Thinkingcap]

nice one... but i was just about to get the feel and you ended it! :|

[Mirra]

Thank you for the review :-D

[Mirra]

Thank you for the review :-D

[Konigin]

Good... But it had more of a Story feel to it than a Poem. I also wanted more to happen... it seemed too short to me... It was a nice poem though. Good Job!

[Mirra]

Yeah, this is I think the weakest of the weakest that I've wrote haha. Thanks for the review friend :-D

[Neeraj V Murali]

Well, I am not an expert of emotions and feelings, but I would say that this lacks a bit of something though this genre is different and you have made a neat job of it.

For example : -

For the first time I saw tears fell from your eyes
As you held my pale warm hands
I hate to see you like that, please don't cry.
I have to leave now, please understand.

I feel that this stanza is a bit crude. When I read this aloud, I feel a bit foolish/uncomfortable....

But otherwise this is a nice poem.... :)

[Mirra]

You think so? I'll keep that in mind :-D Thanks for the review. I'll surely put more attention next time I write.

[RAOrourke]

I thought this was a very good poem

[Mirra]

Yeah. I did not nail it. I'll put much effort next time I write. Thanks for the review :-D this will help me improve my writing.