[untitled]

Reviews

[Sandy]

i liked this story; it has a lot of potential. a line though that you should consider moving is the the one that says "that day nothing made sense...talk to a shrink kind of way". i think it would be better put after parapraph 6 b/c :
1. after the question "should i put it on" leaves readers questioning "Why not?" and the paragraphs that talk about how the grandpa found them and how they might be magical answers it right away.
2. that senence would be better put after it is explained that the artifacts might be magical b/c then it forshadows of the destruction that they can cause.
then again though..moving it there and having it forshadow of the destruction that they can cause pretty much kills the part of the story where it says that the artifacts can be bad.
so..nvm ^.^ good story

[Meaghan M]

wait... does he put it on or not!?!?!?!?!? i need a sequel... or an epilouge, that would be fine too... great job, by the way... i liked it a lot

[LizLadyNinja]

Wow, way to leave off. :( I totally wanted more. I hope you think about a sequel! I'd love to see this story expanded! :D Good Job!

[Ashliejae Cherrie]

hmmm this is intresting but i really really really really like it, keep going on stuff like this you have a good nack for it

[Roy Jacobs]

That was absolutely f*****g AWESOME! I loved this piece and it was right up my alley. Are you going to finish it? I hope you do. I am a big fan of fantasy, sci-fi and horror. This was brilliant and you should add more. Good job!

[Chaos X 3]

Okay I have two lines that I want to nitpick at. "This was sometime after my grandfather killed himself" I feel that if you want to say he committed suicide that would have more leverage than just killing himself. When you say "my grandfather killed himself" it just kinda leaves it open, maybe you could add "by blah blah blah gorey details". Okay next. "slightly changing its for with each owner bringing terrible luck, or great reward to those who own it." This line is really fuzzy. Maybe cutting it into two sentences will clear it up. Otherwise, your story was good. I'm kinda wondering why the narrator stopped when he did. but good job...

[Jared Kardos]

Very interesting. Like some others suggested, it could do with a bit more description, and the time placement of the beginning and end is kind of strange (in the beginning you said it was the day you found the gauntlet, and by the end, without a specific change of time, it's exactly the day to put it on?).

Still, pretty good story. I hope we can get a next installment, where we can see what this gauntlet can do.

[Daniel Packer]

Thannks for reading my work. I really appreciate it. This story is very well written. It really lures the reader, providing satisfying language as it does so, but I do agree with John Roth in the sense that I felt more details need to be added. There is nothing wrong with keeping things from your audience, but in this stroies case, more is needed. Strong voice. Nice lexis. Great work.

Take care

Dan

[John Roth]

Ahhh, I really like this but I want to read more! I also want to know more things the grandpa had. And what the gauntlet does. You should have your character say what some of the clippings and journal entries talk about.

Also, you should edit the last half of it. Sometimes there seems to be a few words that are missing that you need to make the sentences make sense. That's a mistake I actually make a lot.

[Goodbyeguilt]

I suck really badly at story writing so I will simply say I am impressed by the minor knowledge you showed about the war and I can see where the influence would have come from, particularly because you are a soldier so you would know these things. I like the idea of mystical foreign objects found by a soldier as it is a completely new prospect to me. Well done, very good. :o)