Mind Twist

A pantoum inspired by the faithful :p

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If you would let me twist your mind,

you’d see the spiral of my thought,

where any answers you might find

could be the very faith I sought.

 

You’d see the spiral of my thought,

a lie that you are flawed from birth;

could be the very faith I sought

is your denial of your worth.

 

A lie that you are flawed from birth;

it could be true, don’t toss the dice.

Is your denial of your worth

not worth eternal paradise?

 

It could be true, don’t toss the dice.

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul,

not worth eternal paradise.

Relax to it. Give me control.

 

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul.

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Relax to it. Give me control

and let the current feed the spin.

 

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

and let the current feed the spin.

Embrace your gullibility.

 

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

where any answers you might find

embrace your gullibility

if you would let me twist your mind.

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to get your mind twisted. Keep the mind alive and working.
"Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea
where any answers you might find
embrace your gullibility
if you would let me twist your mind."
I did like the above lines. It is easy to twist some people. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[Ruth]

Makes me ponder on faith's control - organised not so much of a path to follow - true spirituality being from experiencing it within self - I would say follow self to gain insight and enlightenment if that makes sense - good to read you today :) Stay well...

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Poppy! :)

[julius_wyann]

This is really great work. I wasn't sure where it was going until the end. I love the message. Faith and religion could definitely be tricky and this poem puts that into words beautifully. Great work

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Julius! :)

[Laz K.]

Form and content are both great here in this poem. I think we are all flawed, and many hunger for some spiritual fulfillment. This need is often used and manipulated by nefarious forces.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Laz! :)

[Neville]

......... a fine Pantoum if ever there was :)

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Neville! :)

[Neville]

....................... my pleasure entirely

[Robert Trakofler]

I have felt the sin upon my flesh well before I could form a sentence, the blood of the redeemer was upon my hands brother Mattavelli... but one day I took a bath and all is good and by the way, I kept getting more of the stuff on my hands the older I got so now I pay good money to get more baths and think good thoughts while I oppress for greed and selfish needs:) I now keep a bottle of holy sanitizer in the car for last-minute emergencies for on the go complicity redemption

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Bunny! :)
Have you tried the miracle spring water? It heals gout and creates bank errors in your favor. Haha

[barleygirl]

Your poem has definitely twisted my mind. Typically I don't like forms that require line-repetition thru-out, as the repetition hijacks my focus & the meaning of the poem goes by the wayside. In this poem, I thought you handled the repeating lines masterfully, making sense but still twisting my mind into a whirlwind of admiration for how well you applied this form! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Barleygirl! :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Nicely twirled, Matt. I really enjoyed the rhythm of this piece, and the thoughts it provoked.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Rita! :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

This reminded me of Inception, for lesser reasons I'm sure. found this write interestingly worded, informative and entertaining. Well penned. tyfs

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Cyprian! :)
I liked that movie. It was weird. Haha
Ya, I think the premise of the movie was to inject an idea into someone's mind, get him to think it was his own, to coax a behavior. Its very similar to my thoughts here.

[Chris Shaw]

Greetings mattavelli. . Not one of us is flawed from birth, we start off innocent and spiral downhill thereafter:) All of us are flawed, some more than others. You are King when it comes to form poetry. You just get it, and the flow of your lines is impeccable. Ha, I leave this piece knowing we are all sinners. Good afternoon mattavelli.

Chris

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Christine! :)
You're no more a sinner than a fish in the ocean is. Those seagulls are the bad ones. Haha

[Chris Shaw]

Ha, you sure know how to charm:))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

some can be too easily convinced that they do not matter...a twist of the mind, or as Dylan might say "a simple twist of fate" that can cause us to wallow in self-pity or cling to a higher calling...knowing we are worthy of doing anything we put our mind to.
I can't do this kind of form and admire those who can. You do it so well, Matt.
j.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Jacob! :)
Writing these poems is a bit like doing Sudoku puzzles; most of mine end in a frustrated scribble. Haha