Mind Twist

A pantoum inspired by the faithful :p

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If you would let me twist your mind,

you’d see the spiral of my thought,

where any answers you might find

could be the very faith I sought.

 

You’d see the spiral of my thought,

a lie that you are flawed from birth;

could be the very faith I sought

is your denial of your worth.

 

A lie that you are flawed from birth;

it could be true, don’t toss the dice.

Is your denial of your worth

not worth eternal paradise?

 

It could be true, don’t toss the dice.

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul,

not worth eternal paradise.

Relax to it. Give me control.

 

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul.

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Relax to it. Give me control

and let the current feed the spin.

 

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

and let the current feed the spin.

Embrace your gullibility.

 

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

where any answers you might find

embrace your gullibility

if you would let me twist your mind.

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to get your mind twisted. Keep the mind alive and working.
"Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea
where any answers you might find
embrace your gullibility
if you would let me twist your mind."
I did like the above lines. It is easy to twist some people. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[Miss Sharon]

I like this write very much! It is deeply spiritual and filled with wisdom. Your words have blessed me today! ~Sharon

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Sharon! :)

[Stan Lee]

I love it....................

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Stan! :)

[Fran Marie]

you've mastered this form
great writing in both
form and content;for
sure not the easiest
to write..I've done 2
of these

but one got deleted
by mistake.
never to be found again
well done Matt

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Fran! :)
I'm sorry you lost your writing. Is the other posted here? Id like to read it.

[Fran Marie]

you're welcome Matt
seems you found it
and I thank you again
where the heck
read moreyou're welcome Matt
seems you found it
and I thank you again
where the heck
did those 5 years
fly to so fast.haha
I had thrown my drafts
away after posting
the lost one ..could
not retrieve it..at the
time I was editing and
hit a wrong button
sestinas are harder
to write ..if you
want to pull your
hair out ..try one
one those..lol

[mattavelli]

"where the heck"... Glitch. We're falling apart. Haha

[Fran Marie]

yes a glitch..
my reply didn't
go through.
all the way
just was referring
wth
happened to
those 5 years;

[Chris Shaw]

Just revisited this one. Sometimes I just like to do that. You write structed verse so well. Not many have that gift.

Chris

[mattavelli]

Thanks for the revisit, Christine! :)
My trick is long sentences. I like to use 8 syllables per line; its enough get to a thought in and end on an iambic upbeat. The longer I string those thoughts together, the more emphasis I get from a stop. For this poem its important too, because the repeated lines need to have changes to feeling or meaning, or it would be unreadable, and I find it easier to make those changes when the thoughts/clauses are dependent on each other. I just ramble on. Haha
I like your poetry too. If you'd ever like to collaborate on something, let me know. :)

[Chris Shaw]

I often use 8 syllables too. Suits my writing style. Thank you for the offer of collaboration. After a disaster ten years ago, I don't go there any more:) Good luck with any you do.

[mattavelli]

Disasters aren't so bad. Haha
Ive written with maybe ten others here, but not lately. There was a Group that paired us up for contests. I doubt its still active. I'll look into it.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

very thought provoking. Good writing makes the reader question aspects of themselves. Their sins, their virtues, what defines them or their nature. When I read this I think of my mom, my father, and myself. My mom was hypocritical in her beliefs in faith, my father was an alcoholic and abuser, and I carried aspects of what defined them. Love can be addictive and destructive, hate can be addictive and destructive, faith can do all these things. Addiction is a powerful drug and encompasses many aspects of self. We as frail human beings can turn our best qualities of virtue into sin. Unlike animals we know we are doing wrong, yet refuse to change. I don't want my thoughts to be construed as an indictment on religion. Religious fervor has given the world beautiful things unimaginable. But contains a destructive nature. As writers and storytellers we try to stay objective allowing the characters we create to speak for themselves. But between the words there are pieces of us that are revealed. Whether intentional or not. I try my best to not present a nihilistic view of the world when I can. Though at times I can see when its use is needed, in order to push humanity into action. Or at best make an individual recognize the wrong within them, and try to want to change. Continued success, Matt, your child is lucky to have a father like you.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading and sharing your self and thoughts, Carlos! :)
I've enjoyed reading your stories. For the most part, I stick to reading the poetry postings here, but your stories have been exceptional.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Beautiful poem
I love this
The most powerful were the first two sentences
A great write ✍️

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Julie! :)

[John Cardwell]

I'm wasn't familiar with this form- pantoum. Makes for a fun read. Really drives home the message with the repetition. Lyrical. Nice poem!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, John! :)
If you try one of these, let me know. Id like to read it.

[John Cardwell]

It's tempting. I'll let you know!

[Marina]

I find there is way too much mind twisting happening nowadays, be it for faith or other areas of thinking. To be told what to think, follow or feel doesn't sit well with me. Our life and our choices are our own and I'd like to think we are all intelligent enough to make our decisions. It's an interesting form and one that is new to me. Complex and thoughtful poetry. 💛

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Marina! :)

[Sherri Moshman Paganos]

Hi Matt. I found this a very masterful poem in its structrure, repetition and rhyme. But not only. Our attention is on the words of the speaker who wants to "twist" (powerful word) the other's mind. A poem that raises questions on faith and lack of it.
S.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Sherri! :)
My intent was to share my perspective and raise questions, turn the screw in the other direction.

[Poetic Beauty]

It can be very damaging when someone is told from the time they are young that they are damaged. The self confidence completely drained and the person over time begin later to believe the lie for they are told it so often.

This is a insightful and thought provoking poem that I would hope in some fashion would make people think about the words that come out of their mouth before they do long term damage

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Poet! :)