Mind Twist

A pantoum inspired by the faithful :p

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If you would let me twist your mind,

you’d see the spiral of my thought,

where any answers you might find

could be the very faith I sought.

 

You’d see the spiral of my thought,

a lie that you are flawed from birth;

could be the very faith I sought

is your denial of your worth.

 

A lie that you are flawed from birth;

it could be true, don’t toss the dice.

Is your denial of your worth

not worth eternal paradise?

 

It could be true, don’t toss the dice.

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul,

not worth eternal paradise.

Relax to it. Give me control.

 

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul.

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Relax to it. Give me control

and let the current feed the spin.

 

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

and let the current feed the spin.

Embrace your gullibility.

 

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

where any answers you might find

embrace your gullibility

if you would let me twist your mind.

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to get your mind twisted. Keep the mind alive and working.
"Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea
where any answers you might find
embrace your gullibility
if you would let me twist your mind."
I did like the above lines. It is easy to twist some people. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[Alan S Jeeves]

Hi Matt. A good pantoum I think. We don't see too many pantoums these days so thanks for adding this one for all to read.
Kind regards, Alan

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Alan! :)

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
I enjoyed the read... and, your structure with flowing rhyme...
twisting your mind issue a great line... If one reads between your lines there are loads of hidden meaning...
Makes one ponder...
Does religion cleanse your soul... I say no it does not...
I have several poems posted that you might like... Innocence or Cry are just two...
Lisa, now in Spain

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Lisa! :)
This one was a fun write. I'll check out your posts.

[Lisasview]

Thank you!!!
Lisa

[Esther:)]

So beautiful and heartfelt. I enjoyed the depth of your words

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[JE Falcon]

I'd have to agree with Rew on much of what she said. And I too will have to do some pantoum research, also. However, I found your words to be asking for other religions to be cast off, put aside, and to find religion in your words (?). Is that right?

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, JE! :)
I wrote this poem to highlight the absurdity of “original sin”, a concept that has been used to justify countless atrocities, from the enslavements of Europe and Africa to the genocide of the americas. My expectation is that some will find it offensive, and maybe contemplate, but I’m not offering anything but but perspective and satire.
The pantomime is a fun write. If you post one, please let me know. I’d enjoy reading it.

[JE Falcon]

Hmm, I didn't get that. Sin is just another word for lawless, and humans love to be so, in one way or another. So, I wonder, is the concept a warning or a judgment?

[mattavelli]

It’s a judgement applied to people of other tribes/religions, something that is cleansed by investing in the “true god’s” ways. I’m not sure about a human desire for lawlessness, but I’d agree that an organized religion does organize people by imposing laws. This, however, doesn’t make original sin any less absurd a concept. Thanks for the conversation.

[JE Falcon]

Strange things happen when philosophy and religion meet, even stranger when they mate.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

WOW!! I love this piece, love that last stanza a lot,
very poetic, I feel this has religious feel to it.
nicely written and presented

[Rew]

I haven't come across a pantoum before (I shall explore this form later,)
Your interpretation of the form seems very hypnotic. (I've not seen one before so nothing to go on)

Although on first glance it seems religious.
I think this particular one is a skit, an exposé, of religion of what it can and does do, namely, hypnotizes.

I've no axe to grind regarding religion.

It can bring comfort to some and, a good living to others.

So, that's what I think.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Rew! :)

[Ada]

I don't believe in being flawed from birth or the concept of original sin but your piece suggests that redemption is possible. Nice

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Ada! :)

[Writergurl]

Wow, This is so profound and so well written.
So well intriguing as well, I have my spin on religion as well.
Thought about writing it, but can't get myself to.
This is wonderful

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[M. J. Smith]

Hoo! And I thought I had a some critical ideas! My brother, you and will never be simple sheep! Of course, if their were more of us... Well spoken, I say, well spoken!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[M. J. Smith]

You're welcome

[Cherrie]

Oh, I haven't written one of these in a long time. You've inspired me. This is on today's to-do list.
Great poem by the way.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Cherrie! :)