Mind Twist

A pantoum inspired by the faithful :p

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If you would let me twist your mind,

you’d see the spiral of my thought,

where any answers you might find

could be the very faith I sought.

 

You’d see the spiral of my thought,

a lie that you are flawed from birth;

could be the very faith I sought

is your denial of your worth.

 

A lie that you are flawed from birth;

it could be true, don’t toss the dice.

Is your denial of your worth

not worth eternal paradise?

 

It could be true, don’t toss the dice.

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul,

not worth eternal paradise.

Relax to it. Give me control.

 

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul.

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Relax to it. Give me control

and let the current feed the spin.

 

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

and let the current feed the spin.

Embrace your gullibility.

 

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

where any answers you might find

embrace your gullibility

if you would let me twist your mind.

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to get your mind twisted. Keep the mind alive and working.
"Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea
where any answers you might find
embrace your gullibility
if you would let me twist your mind."
I did like the above lines. It is easy to twist some people. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[Arundass TP]

Beautiful writing. I love this. Enjoyed reading.

[Melbourne Bound]

A classic, from a classic. It is all just round and round, isn't it?
Well done, old friend.

[mattavelli]

Hey! :)
How’s your adventure going? How are the tacos? I had to delete Facebook, nazis everywhere.

[Melbourne Bound]

The adventure is going quite well. The tacos are delicious! Are you back in China, or in Florida still? How's the gorgeous fam?

[mattavelli]

We’re all happy and healthy, and still in florida. Nothing exciting happening.how about you? What have you been doing?

[Melbourne Bound]

Seriously having the best life ever! I still have to work, but that's the only drawback! I love this place!

[mattavelli]

That’s awesome! Florida is getting stupidly expensive. What city are you in?

[Melbourne Bound]

Guasave, Sinaloa - don't believe the hype about ths place. Nicest kindest people...it's like living in 1950 but with internet. No racism or ageism. I love Mexico and the Mexican people.

[JessyJacob]

It’s whatever what no mater what god knows what it went through who made it through for what they made it through it’s not devilish gullibility it’s entirely a plan. I am sorry this is what I felt after reading reviews. Time will make you to understand anyone’s worthiness. I don’t mind people saying whatever it comes to their mind. I hope my brothers don’t under estimate me for what I am. A woman dedicated to her husband and to one who loves her, also trustworthy to those who left her, still people miss her for what she is. Being disloyal to one who are with is a sim in my view and a brutal cheat which are cheating by bein with someone else. It was told as test to me for my character by M babaji, everyone knows that, and I kept it. Hope don’t hurt the woman in history by throwing stones, if you can’t applaud atleast not blame her. Even your x married didnt she dedicated her life, and divorced, why is it devilish me.....
You can find mark in pure white cloth too, if eyes are not beholder.And nasty dusty cloth can look so pure for the same who is a beholder/biased. Please don’t blame a unsinful woman for your kindness.

[mattavelli]

Thanks! :)

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

I appreciate the creativity and structure of your poem. The repetition and circular pattern of the words and phrases emphasize the spiral of thought and the persuasion of the speaker. However, the message of the poem is concerning. The idea that one's worth is denied and that they are flawed from birth is not only untrue but damaging. The suggestion of giving control over to someone else and embracing gullibility is also worrisome. The poem may be interpreted as promoting a cult-like mentality that encourages blind faith and submission. Overall, the poem is well-written but the message is unsettling.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)
This poem is about the Christian concept, “original sun”. I agree, it is unsettling.

[W. Barrett Munn]

It struck me that these two lines:

If I could live my spiral thoughts,
could be the very faith I sought.

Could be the anchors around which a fine villanelle could be constructed.

Winston

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Winston! :)

[I'm trying my best okay]

That. Was. Amazing. I don't even care which outlook on religion you are taking by writing this (I will not tell mine), but I really enjoyed your perspective and explanation... let me twist your mind, I love it!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)
I had a lot of fun writing this one.

[Ken e Bujold]

this is an extremely clever, devilishly good poem. And I chose the word Devilish intentionally. I love how your start out leading us to think a man speaking to his lover, friend, child, neighbour about self esteem, then ever so slightly shift the perspective to a higher power calling to us, which could as easily be the deceiver. My mind swam over this poem and dived deep to think about not just your construction, but the very thin line that divides light and darkness, worth and worthlessness, and how easily we can be deceived into blurring what should be our self clarity

great poem matt

ken e

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Ken! :)

[duff]

The opening line makes me grin because you don't know which way this will go. Sinister streets or crawling avenues. I like it.

[Stella Armour]

Well done my friend, it all flows beautifully within the form, and love the content too

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Stella! :)