Sadness As A Self-Critique

Too many rhymes have graced my sad refrain,

all rung out rags of feigning draining tears.

Strip them away, and just the mad remain,

a ragged raging phrasing of my fears.

 

No measure holds the pleasure life has shown,

the joy that’s filled my years beneath the sun;

just quirks within the rhythm, as I drone,

and shimmers in the smears where ink has run.

 

And all of it a convoluted mess;

each picky word, so special to my mind;

and none of it, as read, was worth the stress,

no hidden depth of wisdom here to find.

 

So, I will think a bit on what to say,

and maybe share some happy thoughts some day.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think. I think its depressing, maybe just refreshing the page. Haha

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

You know we are our own worse critics when it comes to writing. It can be such a slog. So much effort can go into it and we are forever left pondering on whether it is good enough. When we are writing about writing I don't think we will ever convey happy. That is for other things. This piece of yours has great rhythm and alliteration and describes well that we will never be satisfied with our own work. Well done you for a super read mattavelli.

Chris

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Christine! :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Ah, this is interesting. One has to look so deep in one's self at times to write, I do all the time, and I think that journey within alone brings a lot of unhappy feelings to the surface of our written words, but that's not always a bad thing, for in every story there is a conflict, but a resolution too. I think of what Spielberg said,

"“People have forgotten how to tell a story. Stories don't have a middle or an end any more. They usually have a beginning that never stops beginning.” That story I just read of yours had a good ending I believe about the black dot and the little girl.

Btw, thank you for reading my story. :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Cyprian! :)

[Marc]

Love the meta treatment here--writing about writing and how hard and self-conscious it can be. The connection between poetry as a way to process or document life is here prominently, which I think gives the form so much validity.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Marc! :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Love the alliteration used...Yes, it is much harder to write happy than sad.
What did Plath say? "Readers want to know from someone who has been there and felt the worst"---
I believe that...and your writing is definitely "worth the stress"--
it always feels real and from the gut.
sometimes we exhibit the most wisdom when we feel we aren't at all.
Like papers I wrote in college...the ones I thought were great, sucked.
The ones I threw together at the last moment, waiting for my "F"...ended up being high "A's" much to my surprise.
This poem makes us look at ourselves as well.
j.

[mattavelli]

Hello, Jacob, thanks for reading and your thoughts. :)

[barleygirl]

Nicely crafted sonnet that feels unconcerned with form & more involved in the meaning of the ideas (which I prefer!) Even tho your message clearly addresses the futility of life, as it sometimes can feel, I found myself reading this as a statement about WRITING more than about life. I figured, if you've been feeling ALL THIS every time you sit down to write, no wonder we haven't seen you post new writing for a few years there! I love that you're back! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Barleygirl! :)
Yes, its about writing. I'm trying to get back into it, but the bleh outshines the inspiration. Haha
I structured it as a sonnet, but wanted it to read like a knotted muscle loosening. I'll keep at it. Haha