Please help me choose a title

I plan to submit this poem for Publication. I'd appreciate any advice or suggestions you may have.

it's hard to state just how bizarre 
Our efforts to seem special are, 
as life's become a clearance sale 
where reason's swapped for fairy tale; 
and repetition seems our way, 
to cling to comfort, rarely stray;  
and when we do 
the thrill and dread collide. 
And when the new world rises 
It will be our ways that died. 

So let's get rid of special, 
and ignore the branders' screams 
that frenzy us with slogans 
and distract us from our dreams; 
let’s rip our minds wide open 
so our souls can touch what's real, 
and savor every heartbeat 
as we watch our culture heal. 

Let's toss away religion 
and forget to fear the dark, 
and love ourselves in everyone 
and shape a world less stark; 
and marvel at our feet, 
they've spread our species so diverse; 
and focus on the betterment 
and share to change the worse. 

Let's celebrate the value 
and the values of our kin, 
place children above trophies 
as their epic tales begin; 
and recognize that feelings 
are the seed of every act, 
that want is all we do, 
and all we know hangs from that fact. 

Let's want to make a better world 
and want to share the feast. 
Let's want our lives to matter 
more than some obnoxious beast; 
but let the need to shine be stripped 
and fed back to the stars, 
so our whole race can gleam in grace

and know the light is ours.

 

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Rew]

It is unfortunate that humans are human.
" special "
It is the only thing which humans can attain to be, " to have this want", among 8 billion other "special" people.

I'd like to see religion disappear but when it disappear it is usually prompted by a Mao Zedong, a Stalin, a Hitler or a Trump. And then they become the religion.

Hitler became special in a special way.

As has Trump and his adherents.
It's the only way some people can become special.

Like I said it's unfortunate that humans are human.

This is not to detract from your fine work but merely to point out that we all have this desire to be special.
This is why we write.
It is our only way, to attempt, to be special.

That's what I think.
Rew.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Rew, and for your thoughtful comments on humanity! :)
Worship is a digesting behavior. I think the desire to be worshipped tops it though. Do you write for yourself, to feel special; or do you write for the reader, to share?

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

A fantastic write, words and sentiments more of us need to hear!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Travis! :)

[Zaliodir]

Its very freeing isn't it to just be yourself and express what you believe at its face value? A society that prizes the affection of some group, or some thing above the ties that bind us together is bound to be come cold and without affection. Savoring is a lost art in the fast glitz and glamor of the current fad or trend. A divine poem to be sure.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Zaliodir! :)

[Beccy]

Entirely agree with the sentiments you express, especially when it comes to 'branding.' The more we immerse ourselves in pointless consumerism, the more we lose sight of what really matters.

We are a strange species are we not. Knowing deep down that our headlong race to the edge of the cliff will be our demise; yet somehow, even after centuries of stored knowledge, unable still to apply the brakes.

'place children above trophies.' Indeed we must, they are so very precious.

Beccy.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for read, beccy! :)
If we're not hopeful, we should pretend to be, and motivate the next generation to be better.

[Yuet]

Rhythm of an Age, mayvi suggest

I like the first part, clearance sale, repetition, fairy tale
But when it becomes Let..., it seems to me a bit explicit

[mattavelli]

Thats a great suggestion. Thanks for reading! :)

[Neville]

some extraordinarily good lines here which collectively conjure up some incredibly graphic but nevertheless pleasing images .. I can't help with the title but I note some of my reviewing predecessors have suggested several very good ones .. Good luck,

Neville

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Neville! :)

[Pete]

what a caring, noble write. smooth flow filled with the right stuff. we are all brothers and sisters with more similarities than differences. all life is special and should be treated as such. the media, culture are offering the illusion of being someone or something else by obtaining things - temporary escapes that ultimately don't & can't change a thing. "False Magic" came to mind, "Winning The Race" perhaps, not sure ... :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading and the suggestions, Pete! :)

[Summer Emswiler]

"A Call to Reason" or "The Light is Ours" I feel would be fitting titles, that's just my 2cents. This is a gorgeous poem, the rhyme and rhythm are so satisfying. One of my favorite things to do with poetry is to read it out loud and this one just flows out of the mouth.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Summer! :)

[Sherri Moshman Paganos]

Loved this poem and your skillful use of rhythm and rhyme in your plea to better the world. Some lines are real standouts: "let's toss away religion and forget to fear the dark," "let the need to shine be stripped and fed back to the stars" I agree with Julie about the title "The light is ours." Well done Mattavelli!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Sherri! :)

[MsJewel]

Such beautiful thoughts shared in this wonderful poem. Wouldn't it be lovely.....
I think I would call the poem "The Light is Ours".
Julie

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, MsJewel! :)
That would be a great title.

[Patricia Wedel]

Children do create Epic Tales... a beautiful line. Each of us has the “right” to believe what they feel and experience through observation.. as long as we permit others to do the same.
My Religion is based on the Spirit that is “brought to light” when each Baby is born. Our Spirit stays with us until we take our last breath. The Great Mystery is— What happens to that Spirit when we Pass? No one has the “Right” to Demand that others feel a Certain Philosophy. I Rest my Case. P.s. I can only say the above as a Critique. We all must be our own Poet with unique words and nuggets of wisdom.
gently, Pat

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Patricia! :)
The religions that I've come into contact with have been simple death worship painted with pretty phrasing. I agree, beliefs shouldn't be forced on people, but that is exactly how religions have spread, submit or suffer tactics. We all have different perspectives.