Sample Text

a rhyming poem about gun violence

It seems that love should counteract
what must be b*****d specs of hate.
And, shouldn't hopefulness distract
from vicious deeds we contemplate
when egos, seeping rage, inflate
to drown a heart in moods, so cold;
a life prepared to detonate...
What comforts lurk in murder's fold?

What comforts lurk in murder's fold
for broken minds, fogged up and cracked,
compassions drained and reason holed, 
convictions thundering to act,
renouncing law and common pact;
for sure to silence the debate
when arguments aren't met with fact, 
but metal tooled to devastate.

What comfort lures from righteous rage,
from tantrums, raving all we want,
the shattered bars of virtue's cage,
as beastly man goes on his hunt,
to take a life, a weakling's stunt;
A manchild grinning to his ears,
so sure he's proved he's not the runt, 
that he can overcome his fears.

Yes, he can overcome his fears,
but not his pride and anger, no,
he's tangled up in his own gears;
each turning tick leaves less to show,
each twisted act leaves less to know
of innocence beneath the sun,
where blood can chill and passions flow,
and anyone can shoot a gun.

Author's Note

It's a bit obscure. I started writing this soon after a man with a rifle attacked a nightclub in Orlando, FL, 6-12-2016.
Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Papaya]

Great job with the poem Matt.
I have a friend in California, him and I are always have the gun debate.
I don't believe civilians should have the right to bear arms, he disagrees.
Strong arguments for both sides I suppose.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Ana, and for trying to fix your friend! :)
Gun makers sell tools to murderers. The government refuses to stop them. I guess it's too good a stimulus for the economy.

[barleygirl]

You're expressing very original thoughts here, on a topic that's been written about & talked about so much, I didn't think there was anything new to say. Even tho I enjoy & relate to your message, the standout star of this piece is the word-crafting. Your word choices, rhymes, rhythm & repeating lines are so well done -- like a master! It's refreshing to read something cerebral about gun violence, after all the emotional outbursts & strife on every tragedy lately.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Barleygirl! :)
For seven years, I lived in a country with no guns. When I returned to the USA, I was shocked by all the killing. Maybe I'll buy a grenade launcher for home defense.

[barleygirl]

That reminds me of how I never had cable TV for the first 40 years of my life & when I finally did break down & subscribe, I was shocked at the constant ads for prescription drugs! Being a person who tries to stick to natural remedies, it felt very strange that drugs were being "pushed" on national TV! Even tho I sometimes write in a parody of country folks who carry a gun into every encounter that feels slightly dangerous, I also wish our society wasn't so massively addicted to solving every problem with violence or anger (((HUGS))) Thanks for sharing your previous experience that prompted this write.

[mattavelli]

And, why do they advertise prescription medicine on tv... Shouldn't doctors be the ones choosing medications? I've never had a doctor ask, "Hey, Matt, got any prescriptions you'd like to try out?"

[barleygirl]

You catch my point perfectly (((HUGS)))

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Your rhyming is absolutely flawless let me just say. Very impressive indeed.
This poem was moving, and real.
Deffinetly meaningful, and filled with emotion, written straight from your heart, stating exactly how you feel.
I like how real and honest it is.
Great poetry.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading and the feedback, Cimmy! :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Your welcome :)

[LovePoetry0004]

Good, not the best but good. You have a talent with words, but this just wasn't a poem that greatly called out to me. It's purpose was spot on, just not a piem for me.....

[mattavelli]

Hello, Love! :)
Thank you for the feedback.

[1VJ]

Some potent social commentary, not a bit obscure. Guns require a human to pull the trigger, at what cost. Causation be damned. Nice shot, pun intended, at a radical issue of our times effecting lives.

[mattavelli]

Hello, Paloma! :)
Thank you for reading and being my friend.

[Shannon]

This feels like it is made to be spoke out loud. With disbelief, anger and distian. I think despite the singular inspiration it is disturbingly easy to apply to any number of recent situations.

Well written but more importantly for me.... A thought whose time is now, well expressed.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, S! :)
It's almost time to vote. Politicians are out making talk talk and the voters are shooting each other.

[Shannon]

Things seem a little precarious down there from our point of view. I hope some stability happens.... Somehow.

[Wolf_Lord]

Kudo's my frn. Nothing obscure about this at all. The Rhythm and meter are perfect. The message is clear and concise. I could not have done a better job myself. I really like the message and the way you present it shows a lot of skill, and a lot of thought into the matter. Sorry I have taken so long to review this. I just don't have the time for the site I used to. Again, killer poem... lol... (pun intended)
Tony
Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Tony! :)

[Ruth]

I like the pace to this and the potent message woven within. You voice with a passionate outcry that both lingers and shakes to the core :)

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Poppy! :)

[dan]

Matt, Hey long time no review. Here goes: the epidemic nature of gun violence in our society today is so rampant there would appear to be no cure. What it takes is for people to find the voice to combat the attitudes that proliferate the violence and mayhem. More young people like yourself need to step to the plate as you are doing. I'm proud of you for taking this stance.
Police gunning down unarmed people of color (AND the white victims who don't attract the same attention) is a whole different issue but no less important. Police MUST be held accountable!!
Great piece of writing, sir! take care...dan

[mattavelli]

Hey, Dan, thanks for reading! :)
Guns are a lot like cigarettes. They make young people feel cool and they kill. Our society has dropped a boot on tobacco with heavy regulation/taxes and by educating and stripping away the "coolness". However,  the issue of guns inspires too much passion... Old story, group A  says these things are dangerous and should be banned or more tightly regulated, while groups B - Z disagree with group A for various reasons, all pointing to the 2nd amendment of our constitution to support their stance. Meanwhile, children and criminals are, through accident or intent, killing people with guns. 
Here is why our government is impotent:

Amendment II
"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

Group A reads this and says - hey, this idea that we need a militia to secure our free state is totally outdated. We have plenty of military and police forces. So clearly, banning or tightening regulations on firearms would not violate this amendment.

Groups B - Z refuse to discuss it. They make up a majority in our house of representatives. They are guilty of negligence when a child finds a gun on a park bench. 

We can move toward a solution by voting them out of office.

---------------
Police shootings:
Police are people. People make mistakes. When a police officer mistakenly kills an innocent, it's a sad story for everyone.

When a police officer intentionally kills an innocent, such as in the case of a boy playing with a toy/pellet gun in the park being shot dead by a police officer, the punishment for that officer should be death.

If police officers are unable to distinguish between threatening violent criminals and innocents, then we don't need them. With so many people armed and unemployed, we should be able to police our own communities. Haha

[dan]

I agree with you totally Matt. Unfortunately, like you said, the vast majority of congress are of the opinion that guns matter more than common sense. All of them will never be voted out enough to get people voted in who will affect change. What's the answer?
Keep your voice loud and vibrant. Enough voices like yours and change will someday be possible. Good luck! take care...dan

[Stan Lee]

Well said Mattavelli. Strong message, impeccable poem and comes to a genius conclusion. It's so simple, yet true. "Anyone can shoot a gun"
I think you have set out your thoughts very well and the rhythm was flawless.
Great poem.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Andronicus! :)