Sample Text

a rhyming poem about gun violence

It seems that love should counteract
what must be b*****d specs of hate.
And, shouldn't hopefulness distract
from vicious deeds we contemplate
when egos, seeping rage, inflate
to drown a heart in moods, so cold;
a life prepared to detonate...
What comforts lurk in murder's fold?

What comforts lurk in murder's fold
for broken minds, fogged up and cracked,
compassions drained and reason holed, 
convictions thundering to act,
renouncing law and common pact;
for sure to silence the debate
when arguments aren't met with fact, 
but metal tooled to devastate.

What comfort lures from righteous rage,
from tantrums, raving all we want,
the shattered bars of virtue's cage,
as beastly man goes on his hunt,
to take a life, a weakling's stunt;
A manchild grinning to his ears,
so sure he's proved he's not the runt, 
that he can overcome his fears.

Yes, he can overcome his fears,
but not his pride and anger, no,
he's tangled up in his own gears;
each turning tick leaves less to show,
each twisted act leaves less to know
of innocence beneath the sun,
where blood can chill and passions flow,
and anyone can shoot a gun.

Author's Note

It's a bit obscure. I started writing this soon after a man with a rifle attacked a nightclub in Orlando, FL, 6-12-2016.
Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

This is so powerful Mat; you have showed the horror, the pain, the sorrow, the mentality some have, but with no conscience; How easy it is to turn 18; just go to a shop and buy a gun, then spout all over social media that you have a secret; them BAM you kill 19 people, almost all kids die and you die too, a martyr for what cause? so you don't get to suffer in prison for the rest of your life; what a sham; and this heinous crime will unfortunately go on and on. Can kids go to school safely now? Can people go to movies safely now? Can kids go to concerts safely now? I could name more, but the point ins made:gun violence must stop!!!! great write,
Best, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, anyone can shoot a gun...it is refraining from the violence that for some is really hard.
The world is so unsafe now...so many random shootings...one outdoing the next. And so many who perpetrate these acts do think they are in a "righteous rage" as you say.
Nothing righteous about it...they are just twisted in their logic and actions.
a very powerful piece here.
j.

[Norman 223]

You have some very clever references here that describes the mindless random actions of the subject.
This is emphasised by the controlled rhyming narrative of your poem that contrasts with the mayhem that it describes.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Norman! :)

[Miss Sharon]

Brilliant! Love the rhyme, meter and especially the message. ~Sharon

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Sharon! :)

[Jimmy Yetts]

Skillfully written piece.
Powerful offering, M!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Jimmy! :)

[Crystal Poetry]

I really like your poem. The rhyme is like a spiral. Idk if that makes sense. I wish people could stop hurting each other.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Crystal! :)
I'm not sure about the spiral. Haha
There is a pattern to the rhyme, ababbcbc.

[Kenny Whiting]

I think it is dramatically but intricately and wonderfully penned!! Nice work!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Kenny!:)

[aLittlePain]

Social commentary wrapped in Sublime rhymes. super tight real talk. Important, impacting. Great piece. Ray xo

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Ray! :)
I like to rhyme my poems.

[aLittlePain]

You got huge talent...for real I mean that

[mattavelli]

Thank you :)
Do you like to rhyme your poetry?

[aLittlePain]

I'm not too good at it but I've attempted it a time or two

[mattavelli]

Which is your favorite of your rhyming poems?

[aLittlePain]

Oh dear lord now I'm feeling nervous...I consider you an authority after only reading a handful of your pieces. Hmm let me have a think ;)

[aLittlePain]

I like this one:
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Caroline77/1776617/

[mattavelli]

Haha, no pressure. For me, rhyming is a quasi compulsive hobby.

[Roland Petrov]

I'm sober now, and I see that this is indeed a ballade but with a last verse of 8 lines instead of 4. Did you know that if you don't sign in, you can't see the word "b*****d"? Yeah, I haven't been around much lately; been having internet connectivity problems. Things seem a little better now, so I'll make more of an effort. Do you have a challenge for me, perhaps? BTW, I like this poem a lot.

[mattavelli]

Hey, Roland. :)
I'd like to read a funny story.
Ive only written the one ballade, but this and a couple other poems that I've written lately have a ballade-like pattern to the rhyme. I've used more rhyming sounds, which makes it easier, and changed the repetition.

[Roland Petrov]

A funny story? What happened to Woody?

[Roland Petrov]

It sounds so familiar, yet I can't figure out the scheme. It seems a bit ballade, a bit villanelle, and a bit sonnet. Regardless, it's a fine piece, but I think it's based on a misunderstanding. Doesn't the right to bare arms mean that we can wear short sleeved shirts? Surely the second amendment doesn't allow anyone who wants to the right to carry a gun? That would be absurd!

[mattavelli]

Hey, Roland, long time no see. :)
I was going for stacked haiku, but my count was way off.read moreHey, Roland, long time no see. :)
I was going for stacked haiku, but my count was way off.
Have you been writing?