Summer Morning

Pantoum form

My wife and son chase butterflies
in the mornings of summer days.
Beneath the South Florida skies,
I watch as my family plays.

In the mornings of summer days,
my worries glide off with the breeze.
I watch as my family plays,
while I relax beneath shade trees.

My worries glide off with the breeze.
They drift to join the building storm,
while I relax beneath shade trees,
on days when morning seems so warm.

They drift to join the building storm,
those pressures rattling their cage,
on days when morning seems so warm,
I wait for the thundering rage.

Those pressures rattling their cage,
where sea breeze meets the heat of day;
I wait for the thundering rage,
while all my cares just float away.

Where sea breeze meets the heat of day,
beneath the South Florida skies;
while all my cares just float away,
my wife and son chase butterflies.

Author's Note

This was my first attempt at the pantoum form. It took a while to get the ending how I wanted it. Please let me know what you think.

"PANTOUM

A poem in a fixed form, consisting of a varying number of four-line stanzas with lines rhyming alternately; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated to form the first and third lines of the succeeding stanza, with the first and third lines of the first stanza forming the second and fourth of the last stanza, but in reverse order, so that the opening and closing lines of the poem are identical."
http://www.poeticbyway.com/

Reviews

[M. J. Smith]

Sometimes, finding beauty is as simple as pulling off the road and looking across the rolling hills for just a few moments. If we let her, Nature will show us what is most important in life: the simple things. Breathe, my friend. Beautiful images, wise thoughts, and an amazing setting. Loved it.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[M. J. Smith]

You're welcome, Sir.

[Ruth]

A most lovely form...a serene scene and yet with insight that those matters are important and matter, lovely...

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Poppy. :)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Nicely done, Matt. Didn't know the pantoum form. However, I like the sound when you read it, guess you can make a good song out of it too. It's a summer scene that I see in my mind after reading your poem. :) Rudi

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Rudi! :)

[Wicahpi]

This is a really good piece of writing. Though I am not familiar with this particular style, I enjoyed the read. Could not have been an easy task. It's rich in imagery and so peaceful. Thank you for entering this into the "June is for Summer fun" group writing assignment/contest for the month of June. Much appreciated. Write On!

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading and your contests. You've been enspiring people on this site. :)

[LastMonth]

Wooah.

Is it weird that the ending blew my mind?
Am I being weird here?
Am I..?

Give it to me straight, lol.
Anyway, if you have not figured it out, I really loved it how the last stanza and the first one are mirror images. The poem itself has a nice, soothing effect. It really brings out the best in writing, I think. Dark Poetry has its moments, I won't deny that. But something about solemn and peaceful poetry really gets to me.

I'd love to read about serenity anytime of the day.
Good job, Good poem.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Lastmonth. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem. Took reader to perfect place.
"Where sea breeze meets the heat of day,
beneath the South Florida skies;
while all my cares just float away,
my wife and son chase butterflies."
Chasing butterflies and time with the family. Best days of a life. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading it, Coyote. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Sonia Walker]

"Summer Morning" is so refreshing to read. When reading it, I felt a change in the weather---- a storm was abrewing. Weather is fickle, especially in Florida. You have painted a lovely canvas by introducing the readers to your lifestyle in mostly sunny Florida.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Sonia! :)

[Shannon]

The challenge of creating stand alone lines that both hold up to rearranging and move the poem forward must be mind boggling. I feel like this one works. I also think double meaning for "thundering rage" adds an uncertain dimension and interest. Or I just read things darker than they need to be.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, S. :)
Its a difficult form for me. This one had been waiting for its last two lines for eight months. I wrote another pantoum about my difficulty finishing this one. Haha
You should try it out.

[Shannon]

I don't think my skill level is there yet!

[Shannon]

PS I don't feel like the struggle shows.

[mattavelli]

Haha, you should try a pantoum. Its fun!

[Ellen Kolman]

Beautiful...simply divine

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Ellen. :)

[William Liston]

This is very good. You conveyed an easy, serene mood very nicely. This also had nice flow and rhyme. Though I'm not familiar with this form, I'm sure you did a great job with it.

[mattavelli]

Thank, William. :)
I added a definition of the form in the author's note.

[andrew mitchell]

not familiar with this form but will look into it, I enjoyed this piece. A lot going on, with the peace out in the fields while a storm of emotions are brewing inside about the work place world maybe, or is this tornado valley? I liked how the first and last stanzas switched lines, to be less repetitious. this worked well I thought. Clever!

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Andrew. :)
I added a definition of the pantoum to the author's note. Its a bit of a brain teaser to write, but fun. We get very few tornadoes here. My home is between the Atlantic ocean and the Everglades, which is a huge flowing wetland. On hot summer days, the everglades builds up steam that pushes against the sea Breese, giving us quick thunderstorms. I figured my own steam could add to it. Haha