Summer Morning

Pantoum form

My wife and son chase butterflies
in the mornings of summer days.
Beneath the South Florida skies,
I watch as my family plays.

In the mornings of summer days,
my worries glide off with the breeze.
I watch as my family plays,
while I relax beneath shade trees.

My worries glide off with the breeze.
They drift to join the building storm,
while I relax beneath shade trees,
on days when morning seems so warm.

They drift to join the building storm,
those pressures rattling their cage,
on days when morning seems so warm,
I wait for the thundering rage.

Those pressures rattling their cage,
where sea breeze meets the heat of day;
I wait for the thundering rage,
while all my cares just float away.

Where sea breeze meets the heat of day,
beneath the South Florida skies;
while all my cares just float away,
my wife and son chase butterflies.

Author's Note

This was my first attempt at the pantoum form. It took a while to get the ending how I wanted it. Please let me know what you think.

"PANTOUM

A poem in a fixed form, consisting of a varying number of four-line stanzas with lines rhyming alternately; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated to form the first and third lines of the succeeding stanza, with the first and third lines of the first stanza forming the second and fourth of the last stanza, but in reverse order, so that the opening and closing lines of the poem are identical."
http://www.poeticbyway.com/

Reviews

[M. J. Smith]

Sometimes, finding beauty is as simple as pulling off the road and looking across the rolling hills for just a few moments. If we let her, Nature will show us what is most important in life: the simple things. Breathe, my friend. Beautiful images, wise thoughts, and an amazing setting. Loved it.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[M. J. Smith]

You're welcome, Sir.

[William Michael Reeves]

Ok. That helped me understand the form. And inspired me to try it. The other pantoum I read of yours seemed different. I'll have to read that one again. Seemed the lines were different.
Now I went back and read this one again without studying it and it was fun!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, William! :)
These are fun to write. You should try, and share it with us.
I think the other of mine, that you read, reads better than this one.

[William Michael Reeves]

I'm trying to find other pantoums. I'll search them. Checking to see if you have written more

[mattavelli]

I have one titled Pantoum. I think Richard has one posted, and I know Fran Marie does, but couldn't tell you which page of hers its on. I enjoyed your post. :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

matt finding balance in life and enjoying what the world has to offer with those we hold dear from beginning to end is what its all about. thank you for sharing

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Mauricio! :)

[Pete]

how delightful. as i read though, couldn't help but think of the families devastated by the collapse of that building in florida- boggles my mind. anyway, your poem is terrific and the form is striking and memorable. the repetition is powerful. now, today all i'll think about is chasing buterflies. kudos ... :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Pete! :)

[Fran Marie]

Hi Matt this Pantoum
is my favorite of
yours..it has such
a sweet serenity
within each verse
poetically beautiful
you write these
forms so well..

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading and the compliment, Fran! :)

[Samuel Dickens]

I know very little about poetry, but like the way you've written this. There's something soothing about it, but with chaos just out of range. Having lived on the Texas gulf coast for several years, I felt a familiarity.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Samuel! :)

[Betty Hermelee]

interesting structure and rhyme here; I'm familiar with South Florida skies and one minute is is hot and sunny with high humidity, next minute a thunder bolt , lightning and pouring rain, then sun and hot!!! It keeps repeating itself, especially in summer. But these quick bursts don't seem to bother you or your family as they chase butterflies and you are in "gaga land", caring not about the weather, just dreaming on.....
Best, B

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Betty! :)

[L.E.Osborne]

Lovely as always and to know this was a first attempt at such an interesting (but challenging) style, is impressive! x

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, L! :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Talented writer to captivate while following rules. Well done. I was so taken by the rhymes and poetry of it all that I didn't even focus on the form you wrote it in. But it does seem right not that I have read your note. Nicely done, Poet. Keep it up.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Cyprian! :)

[Chris Shaw]

I think you have far more patience than me mattavelli. You do form so well. This is an endearing write of a family spending time together. Visually pleasing and calming. Nice work. I love butterflies.

Chris

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading this one again and the compliments, Christine! :)
I suppose I should post something new, eh? Haha
I'm working on a long rhyming adventure story that I started a few years ago, in collaboration with one of the writers here in the Cafe. The guy I was writing it with died, and ive just let it sit since. I'm nine pages in. Maintaining the rhythm and rhyme pattern on that is testing my patience. Haha

[Chris Shaw]

I enjoy reading poems a second time. There is always something new to reflect on. Good luck with your adventure story. Tragic the other writer you were working with died. Have a good weekend mattavelli.

[mattavelli]

Ya, its a tragedy. He was a great poet, only 15 years old. Check out his writing.
https://www.writerscafe.org/ColemanListon
You have a good weekend too. :)

[Chris Shaw]

Fifteen? Oh my, that is devastating. Will take a look. Thank you.