Deep in a Crack

Its a short rhyming fantasy.

Deep in a crack, where the floor meets the wall,
there's a path that winds back to a doorway so small
that the tiniest ant couldn't squeeze in or crawl,
but this story will walk you right through.

So, just loosen your thoughts to what comes from the reading
and try not to guess at the plot, where it's leading,
as whimsy surrounds us and logic's receding.
We're here, the way's open, let's go...

We step outo a land where minds go when they wander,
where artists employ what the daydreamers squander,
while philosophers stack thoughts like blocks, as they ponder;
all ignoring our casual stroll.

Many things are familiar, yet shifted askew.
Like, our shadows walk with us, mimicking what we do
and they constantly whisper about déjà vu, 
insisting that we know the future.

The horizon's a slide show of cities and field.
As we watch them go by, fantasies are revealed.
And they lure our hearts to the pleasures they'd yield, 
but that's a journey for you to write.

The reason we're here's not to find paradise
or to go up a mountain for my grand advice.
All this rhyming's a spell to coax your sacrifice.
I want space for my thoughts in your memories.

And I'll chase you all day, through what landscapes you choose,
'til, with evening, we tire and you grant or refuse
my single desire. You've so little to lose.
Let it rest, the spell is still spinning.

Looking up to the sun, it just smiles and winks.
Then it's gone and the sky holds its breath while it sinks
through a radiant spectrum to the blackest of brinks,
where it skids to a stop amid sparks.

The stars in this sky aren't like other stars.
They're an army of fireflies locked up in jars,
each containing a dream that was flung from the bars
of an imagination caged in order.

And we dance in the night, our toes tickling the grass,
throwing stones wrapped in thunder to shatter the glass.
With each burst of release, booming echoings pass
and hope's back, free to pilot the breeze.

But, as winds trade their whistle for thrashing, we stumble,
and the gusts scoop us up as the ground starts to crumble
in a great swirling storm that subsides with a mumble,
leaving me to drift in the void.

So, I've lost you, my anchor, whose eyes ruled the page.
You, who gave me a moment to soften my rage.
You were real, no mirage. I was free from the cage.
I will remember you.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[William Michael Reeves]

My first thought about what it is you lost...is your thoughts? Am I right or wrong. Artists employ what the daydreams squander. I'm thinking that the answer is in that. Our thoughts. Love it when a question at the end makes you go back looking for the answer. I might keep looking....

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, William! :)
I lost the reader, you. Haha

[Sunrising]

"The stars in this sky aren't like other stars.
They're an army of fireflies locked up in jars,
each containing a dream that was flung from the bars
of an imagination caged in order."

Well done, mattevelli,, above line stolen my heart.... thanks for sharing.............
Best
Sun

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Sunrising. :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Lovely visualization and romantically told. The beginning jovial tone transitioned smoothly into one that was more grand and dramatic. I understand that the first few stanzas are laying the foundation for the rest, but it feels just a tad too long. Overall, though, very good work with this piece.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Clifford. :)

[Julia Ledo]

I LOVE the construction of this! I didn't think I was going to like the rhyme scheme but it's used so cleverly. The rhythm is consistent and reminds me of "The Fairy Reel" by Neil Gaiman. Love it.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Julia. :)
I'll look for Neil's writing.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the photo and the logic/thoughts in the poem.
"And we dance in the night, our toes tickling the grass,
throwing stones wrapped in thunder to shatter the glass.
With each burst of release, booming echoings pass
and hope's back, free to pilot the breeze. "
The above lines are wonderful. We can learn from anyone or anything. Life is simple. Enjoy each new day. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Coyote. :)
The child in the photo is my son.

[Coyote Poetry]

I have three grandchildren. One is two. Best times for me. Time with them and you are welcome.

[Oydrin]

It is a story on its own. Yet when the stanzas are taken individually, it seems like they can stand alone. Amazingly written! And it even involved the reader in it.

[mattavelli]

Hi, Oydrin, thanks for reading and ther feedback. :)

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I love this! What a delightful experience to come along with you - as indeed it felt as if I was there with you in the poem on the page. Love your rhyme and the entire piece. Bravo!

Absolutely especially "The stars in this sky aren't like other stars.
They're an army of fireflies locked up in jars, " how perfect!

[mattavelli]

Thank you. :)
I'm glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun writing it.

[Relic]

I think you deserve a gold star at the top of your page Matt. I love the internal rhymes in this as it goes along. Excellent poetry. :-)

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Relic. :)
Hello poetry looks different. I'm going to try it out.

[Relic]

I have an account there but I've been absent for a couple of weeks. There are some great writers there.

[Abigail Jackson]

i loved that. it was really descriptive and i could imagine everything clearly

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Abigail. :)

[Matching Socks]

I am a big fan of rhyme so you got me straight off.
Very fun and really enjoyed it!
Since you asked for thoughts I have just two.

Third stanza. "We step outo a land". Was that a typo or intentional. 'Out to' or 'onto'
If I may also, but up to you totally, a suggestion... Fourth stanza from the bottom might sound cleaner with a few less words to help the flow.


The stars in this sky aren't like other stars.
They're an army of fireflies locked up in jars,
each containing a dream flung from the bars (this is where I took two words out)

Overall though it was super. Great imagination!

[mattavelli]

Hello, Ana, thanks for reading and the feedback. :)
Yes, the "outo" is intentional.
I think I'll let this one sit for a month and see how it reads for me then, maybe cut some words.
Have fun!

[Matching Socks]

Makes sense Matt. I've enjoyed reading your writing.

[LindsayAmelia]

I really enjoyed this! It made me think of my own imagination and how sometimes I think up strnge imaginings or stories. Great job!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Lindsay. :)

[LindsayAmelia]

you're welcome! :D