Four Line Valentine

I’ll long for you, like flowers do,

while the mean moon mimics the sun,

‘til breaking through, you dry dawn’s dew

in dizzying proof my world has spun.     

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

Very good work, sir. I'm sure this brought a round of applause on valentine's. Have a great day.

[Diane]

Takes skill to write short poems.
The third line is personally my favorite.
.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Diane! :)

[Jessica Lima]

This flows so nicely!!! And the imagery is incredible.
Very beautiful. Raw talent.

But if the world
No longer spin
Turn on the light
You have within
And I swear
No flowers will die
And as your friend
Neither will I.

Great work!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Jessica! :)

[Gee]

Roses are red
the grass is green
I love your legs
and what's in between

A mate of mine sent this to his missus, romance ain't dead in their household eh.
Yours,beautifully written Matt

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Gee!

[GreenShoes]

Nice form! You've got mid and ending rhymes, as well as some alliteration, and some nice stressed/unstressed syllable usage. Very nicely done, a poem doesn't have to be lengthy to be good.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Karen, I put a lot of effort into this. Thanks for appreciating it. :)

[Matching Socks]

Sweet Valentine for your lovely lady.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Ana. :)

[Lee Bakes]

Everything about this poem beginning from the name is so catchy! I love your rhymes and alliterations! I must say it took me more than one read to get it totally but these lines are really, really profound! you are evidently a very observant person!! :)
Regards
Lee

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Lee. :)
I'm an obsessive person who stays up too late choosing words. I shouldn't be encouraged. Haha

[Lee Bakes]

Wordplay is the only thing that's worth any while don't you think B)

[mattavelli]

Its a lot of fun. Looking for topics. Haha

[.]

Very short and nicely written.

Nice use of alliteration in the second line.

A tender quartet.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Dooley. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sometimes simplistic might work with the theme as the words don't draw too much attention individually, they work more as a group...this is straightforward, arrow shot through the heart love....but what an expression of how love can turn us upside down....

like it.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Jacob. :)

[barleygirl]

This is a very cool poem. Even tho the rhymes are a bit simplistic, they also flow naturally without distracting from the reading. Nice alliteration: "mean moon mimics" . . . plus the moon mimicking the sun is very clever & imaginative. I think "you" in line 3 might need to be "your." Not sure what dry dew would be like. All in all, it's a huge refreshing relief to read a love poem with a unique message & sophisticated turns of phrases & word choices.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading and the feedback, barleygirl. :)
Simplistic rhymes.... I'll work harder. Haha
I don't usually use alliteration, but I felt it would give this short write more substance. I'm glad you liked it. Also, with the exception of amphibole, I usually try to avoid ambiguities that might strain the reader. Here, I intentionally stacked thoughts in a way that would confuse my wife. Line three references "you", the sun, drying the dew upon arrival. - matt