Ballade for Denial

Ballade

Should you attempt to ease my pain,
take warning, mine's a toxic brew,
with any spillage sure to stain
and burn its noxious way down through
those armored plates protecting you,
concealing that soft heart beneath,
a treat this beast will slowly chew...
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth.

My dark mind's torn and hardly sane,
left barren since her love withdrew,
and charities would but profane
those memories I hold askew,
those cloudy thoughts of love so true,
those daggers hid in yearning's sheath
that slice when others misconstrue...
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth.

Go hang from your damned sugarchain
of coaxes meant to help renew.
There are no passions to regain.
There's nothing left here to imbue.
My shattered rose rejects your glue.
It's not a blossom for your wreath.
So, toss your thoughts of breaking through...
the hope's left stuck between sharp teeth.

And, if a doubt remains as to
the character that's underneath,
then tease my shell and watch me spew
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth.

Author's Note

I let the idea of writing a ballade tumble around in my head for about a week, then wrote it all in one late night go. Why did a monster pop out?
Please let me know what you think.

Check out this link for an explanation of the ballade form and a lovely poem.
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1619403/

Reviews

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

Your poem is raw and emotional. The imagery and language used to describe your pain and the toxicity of your emotions are powerful. Your use of repetition in the poem emphasizes the idea that the hope you have left is fragile and easily shattered. The message of the poem is clear: you are in pain and you do not want anyone to try to ease it. The last stanza is particularly striking, as it suggests that others should be cautious in approaching you because of the intensity of your emotions. Overall, the poem is well-written and conveys a strong message about the complexities of pain and the difficulty of healing.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, and the feedback! :)

[Rick Puetter]

The is a beautiful piece, Matt. The beginning catches you immediately:

"Should you attempt to ease my pain,
take warning, mine's a toxic brew,
with any spillage sure to stain
and burn its noxious way down through"

Wow, toxic indeed. And one should take heed of one experienced in life. Life can burn. Life can maim and cripple.

Powerful write. Great composition. Maintained meter and rhyme.

Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Rick. :)

[Rick Puetter]

Hi Matt,

You deserve this praise. A beautiful piece. With our extensive discussion, I have neglected your writing on WC and the writings of others. You've kept me busy. I have been engaged, but not on the range of things available here. I hope I didn't bore you. Trying to get back to my routine.

Very best regards,

Rick

[mattavelli]

Hey, Rick, I enjoyed our conversation.:)

[Rick Puetter]

I did too, Matt.

[....................]

the promise of a bitter heart to reject any attempt to ease the pain...this is a great piece of work, Matt in perfect form...well-done

[mattavelli]

Thanks, FT. :)

[dan]

matt, your skills at employing such varied forms of writing are honed so sharply; your rhyming is impeccable and every beat in place, the pace and blend of all words and phrases so precise...so very, very well done. The story inside the write seems inhabited and propelled by anger and frustration, the result of a love that was tossed aside, leaving you in its wake. This is more like a well-honed rant, in poetic form and reverence, unresolved and troubled. This piece is so STRONG, matt, so very strong. take care...dan

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Dan. Ya, I think this character came through well. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is filled with toxic bitterness...but is so smoothly written, it almost make the edge feel not so sharp...

wonderfully done...and identifiable...i have been there...
"don't like me because i will break your heart, i have a really large wall built up."

expose your feelings and i will bite them.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Jacob. :)

[Willard Wells]

Excellent work my friend. Nice flow and the passion and anger came through.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Willard. :)

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

No holes, no seams, no pebbled path to stumble from, this one is fire proof. Thematic as a meat grinder where the reader knows exactly what the outcome will be but can[t help sticking a finger in just to see. Well written, well paced, well done. Been a while since i read something good.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, thank you, Joshua.

[Julie Fran]

This is beautiful as it is haunting. This reminds me of a fellow writer I know. You have a way of elegantly placing words and letting your work speak for it's self. Beautiful. :)

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Julie. Who is the writer this reminds you of?

[Julie Fran]

Her name's Sam. I will definitely be sharing your work to her.

[Valentine]

Deep wording and imagery. Valentine

[mattavelli]

Thank you, valentine.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words and thoughts.
"And if a doubt remains as to
the character that's underneath,
then tease my shell and watch me spew
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth."
The above lines. The description create place and struggle. I liked them. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Coyote. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Richard🖌]

Die-no-myte, Matt!
I could'na done much better, My Friend (if at all), and certainly not more creative … I definitely cotton to how you stuck to the theme throughout, traumatic and bizarre tho' it be — arrgh … LOL!
Check count in V1L4, and consider: "burning its vile way down and through", or some-such.
Spot-on rhymes, meter, and flow, and I cannot imagine anyone becoming bored while reading this one … ohhh-MY!
Seems you and Roland might have ate the same stuff before writing your Ballades, as they both are quite ugly, image-wise.
L1, Final Verse: Refrain from starting any full line with a conjunction … consider:
"Should there a doubt remain as to", or some-such.

I am ever amazed by that which you are able to make from the new forms I introduce to your pen, Matt … thanks a million for turning this one into a genuine smorgasbord of weird … LOL! 〜 Richard

(98/110 for those two snafus) :-P

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Richard. :)
98, oh yeah!
I counted "vile" as two syllables in line 4. It seems my pronunciation does jive American English. Haha
Yes, Roland and I both created shifty characters. Haha... I'm not sure I'd want Roland to meet my sister. Haha
What's the next form?!? :p

[Richard🖌]

"ville" is one syllable and needs to be set straight before you proceed to any new form, Matt.
Did you consider my suggestion for that purpose?
The "and" issue in your final verse needs to be addressed, also.
Please, let me know when those issues have been corrected, because there is something very interesting I have in store for You and our buddy, Roland.

[mattavelli]

Ok, Richard. Changes made. I really liked "vile", but I couldn't find a vile = vī - el in a yahoo search. Boo
And I magicked that "and" into a transitional adverb by adding a comma.

[Richard🖌]

Matt, "noxious" is a good solution, and here is the way to handle that "And" issue:

So, toss your thoughts of breaking through...
the hope's left stuck between sharp teeth;

and, if a doubt remains as to
the character that's underneath,