Ballade for Denial

Ballade

Should you attempt to ease my pain,
take warning, mine's a toxic brew,
with any spillage sure to stain
and burn its noxious way down through
those armored plates protecting you,
concealing that soft heart beneath,
a treat this beast will slowly chew...
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth.

My dark mind's torn and hardly sane,
left barren since her love withdrew,
and charities would but profane
those memories I hold askew,
those cloudy thoughts of love so true,
those daggers hid in yearning's sheath
that slice when others misconstrue...
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth.

Go hang from your damned sugarchain
of coaxes meant to help renew.
There are no passions to regain.
There's nothing left here to imbue.
My shattered rose rejects your glue.
It's not a blossom for your wreath.
So, toss your thoughts of breaking through...
the hope's left stuck between sharp teeth.

And, if a doubt remains as to
the character that's underneath,
then tease my shell and watch me spew
the hopes left stuck between sharp teeth.

Author's Note

I let the idea of writing a ballade tumble around in my head for about a week, then wrote it all in one late night go. Why did a monster pop out?
Please let me know what you think.

Check out this link for an explanation of the ballade form and a lovely poem.
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1619403/

Reviews

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

Your poem is raw and emotional. The imagery and language used to describe your pain and the toxicity of your emotions are powerful. Your use of repetition in the poem emphasizes the idea that the hope you have left is fragile and easily shattered. The message of the poem is clear: you are in pain and you do not want anyone to try to ease it. The last stanza is particularly striking, as it suggests that others should be cautious in approaching you because of the intensity of your emotions. Overall, the poem is well-written and conveys a strong message about the complexities of pain and the difficulty of healing.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, and the feedback! :)

[LastMonth]

Pretty nice.
The flow is quite fine, and I like how you didn't shy from reusing the same lines.

Either way, the messege behind it is I suppose some people don't want help.
Some people want to just stay the way they are.

And that's quite fine.

[mattavelli]

Thank you! :)
The repeated lines fit the ballade form. ABABBCBC ABABBCBC ABABBCBC BCBC is the rhyme. The last C line in each stanza is repeated. You'll notice that I gave each instance of that line it's own meaning. I went with a mostly iambic meter and eight syllables per line throughout. There are only three rhyming sounds here, fourteen lines ending in the same rhyming sound.
The poem is a description of someone who refuses to accept a loss, a lost relationship. Yes, this person doesn't want help. He'd rather pretend she still loves him. So, his pain drags on.

[Mary]

Amazing write! Great passion and flow and word choice. Love love love this.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Mary. :)

[GreenShoes]

You are simply an amazing poet, Matt. Your work should be published in books, sold in stores. I almost never rate the poems that I read, just review, but I'm giving this a 100 because what could possibly deserve it more?

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Karen. :)
Have you tried this form? Its a fun one, only three rhyme sounds. One of those repeated thirteen times. It took a while to get this one started, but I'm proud of the result. The rhyme, meter and refrains really give it strength. My author's note has a link Richard's ballade posting. He's included a description of the form. Give it a shot. I'd like to read one from you.

[GreenShoes]

You should be proud. It can be extremely challenging working within the confines of only three rhymes. Sometimes getting across what you want to say is compromised because of it. Tell me, is there a difference between a ballad and a ballade? Or are some people just misspelling it? For a poem of that length, I will need some real inspiration and have something I truly want to say, but I will absolutely give it a shot. Thank you for having faith that I can do it, I hope I can make you proud. :)

[mattavelli]

Great! Can't wait to read it. I'll send you a mail. Ballad vs. ballade

[Tristesse]

mattavelli,

Amazing job here friend, you wrote emotions gorgeously. I felt some anger and sorrow. "My dark mind's torn and hardly sane", that's so beautiful. Keep up the good work.

Best regards,
Tristesse

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading. :)

[JBoone]

WOW!!!! This is amazing. Great job. I love it. Perfect example of a Ballade.

[mattavelli]

Hi, Jed, thanks for reading. :)
I had a lot of fun with this one. Do you have a ballade posted?

[JBoone]

I don't but I will work on one to share.

[mattavelli]

Great! That form got me hooked on complex rhymes.

[Lee Bakes]

Wow! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Metaphors and imagery come to you so naturally. I think this is a great poem. To me it sounded a lot like it was about what happens when one has been bested and their pain is basically big and bad enough to consume whatever little hope that may come their way. Youve done a great job with the rhyming (Ive noticed that youre kind of a purist that way). Keep up the great writing! I want to read more of this awesome stuff!

[mattavelli]

Hi, Lee, thanks for reading. :)
I like to rhyme. Haha

[.]

A very nice poem, Mattavelli.

Well written, excellent rhyme structure and flow, and a very well worded piece overall.
Anger and resentment abound in this write. It seems to be referring to a girl, however on a second read, i am not so sure. I can't quite put my finger on it. To be fair.
A very strong write. Nicely done.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Doodley. :)
Yes, the girl is gone. He won't move on. He's in denial. He resents any attempt to pull him out of it.

[Shannon]

Very powerful. Barely contained anger, coming out as disdain.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading. :)

[Stan Lee]

Well, I don't know what I could say that others haven't already. It's great!
This ballad flows very well. It seems inspired. You have used some striking imagery here which makes it all the more enjoyable. :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Andronicus. :)

[Bacchus]

impressed

I think I have some good stuff- but to make good stuff with boundaries... how the hell do you do it.
this is a tight piece

the rose and glue part was the only spot where i felt the flow change...
but it was a memorable visual and i liked it at the end (I'm really picky about people writing about another rose, but yours- was great.)

there is truth that people are out there to devour
bloodthirsty
headed for their horrible desire to destroy
or looking for some kind of revenge

you captured these images well
i think the first two sections are your strongest.

[mattavelli]

Hello, Bacchus. Thanks for reading and the feedback. :)
I rarely have anything worth writing about, so when I do, I like to jazz it up. Haha
I enjoy trying the various forms of poetry.
I know, roses are cliche to the point of corny. Haha... I plead no contest.
Can you explain the change in flow that you noticed in that section?
This poem is fiction, in that there is no lost love that I'm clinging to. The core emotion, denial, is really an expression of how I feel when I stub my toe. It's such a stupid way to cause a shocking pain. I get angry with whatever my toe struck and anyone who might show interest before the pain goes away. When I applied that feeling to this character, he came alive for me.