About My Fear Of Death

English sonnet sandwiched between some Eights 'n Sixes

Children of God, pity my flawed
and dull sense of self-worth.
While heaven may find you someday,
I'll return to the earth.

I'm nothing but a wisp of swirling dust,
set out to please my heart and gut; and bound
to disappear in time, as all things must,
that come from and return unto the ground.

And, like a stone that's beaten by the wind 
or twigs picked up by birds to build their nest,
those pieces forming me, upon my end,
will go back in the mix with all the rest.

And, as our world is eaten by the stars,
in time so stretched, but no concern to me,
there will be none who care about what mars
and taints my current swirling ecstasy.

I'm living with the suffocating fear,
that when i die, my mind will disappear.

So, if it seems I'm chasing dreams,
betting on illusions,
just leave me be, in reverie,
amongst my delusions.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[William Michael Reeves]

Hey stranger. I was looking for Petrarchan sonnets by different poets. Couldn't find one that you had identified. Studying the resolution in the sestet of the octave. Ran into Richard. The one with the pen.

I tried not to be distracted by the bread and ate the meat of the sandwich first. Not sure if I can alleviate your fears, as I believe we are as organic as all around us and death takes our minds in the end. Excellent expression of fear though. I would like to think my essence might end up in a nest, of life. I really liked the sonnet and can see how you might want to add to it. The sonnet form is so brief. And you used your last quatrain to completely resolve your thoughts.

Direct me to a Petrarchan Sonnet if you have one. Thanks

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Bill! :)
I direct you to my Sonnet For Regret. Enjoy the writing. That sonnet form will inspire lots of word folding.

[Cherry Pepperweb]

I hate to think of dying. I just think it's lights out, game over, with no time extensions.

[mattavelli]

Same here. God, you are depressing. :p

[Cherry Pepperweb]

Oh yeah, that's me! :)

[Matt Hope]

Really really enjoyed this poem. Me being a Christian I can say we all (yes even us Christians) have our doubts we struggle with every now and then. I really like your style of writing and can actually feel just a hint of envy rising in me.

[mattavelli]

I'm glad you liked it. I can only imagine that doubts lead to stronger faith. The religions that I've heard of are too complex for me. They come with thick instruction manuals, translated from 1000s year old languages. I'm still figuring out windows 8... Thanks for reading, Matt. -Matt :)

[Gia Houseman]

"Im living with the suffocating fear;
that when i die, my mind will disappear. "

I can relate to that on levels beyond measure. Very well put into words.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Georgia. I think a lot of what people do in life serves the purpose of distracting them from their worries. Death is probably one of the big ones. Haha

[jeannemarie coulter]

nothing can disintegrate into nothingness...so fear not you soul/mind/spirit will remain...a thought provoking poem well penned...

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Jeannemarie. My concern is that my switch will be turned off and the wiring recycled.

[jeannemarie coulter]

i believe that the spark which makes each of unique is the spirit heartsoul that is eternal...it may change, grow and learn but it never dies...

[sereenaoutloud]

Sometimes to live in delusion for a little while is a welcomed break from the fears!
This is a brilliant write Matt! :)

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Sereena. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

One of the great questions with unknown answer.
"Im living with the suffocating fear;
that when i die, my mind will disappear. "
Old Native American saying. "Don't worry about death. He will come. Life should be your concern." Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, coyote. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[....................]

We are often taught to live in some form of delusion and sometimes, it's the best place to live... and death is something we all think about at some point in our lives... this is quite the sandwiched sonnet; one that i enjoyed very much... well-done :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, FT. :)

[~]

Always a fan of sonnets. There is something wonderful in that heartbeat of the iambic verse. A fun way to entertain a new form and add it to the iconic english 14 liner-- i liked it :D

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Ms. Moon. I have a lot of trouble with those iambs. I was living in china for too long. The tones of their languages are so strong. Trying to figure out if a syllable is stressed, in English, is a pain. It takes me a long time to write these. Haha

[~]

ah, but just read it while listening to your heart, and it will flow :D
good job for persevering :D

[mattavelli]

Ya, it should, but my brain accepts the THE the THE the THE. Haha

[~]

nahhh, it is da-dum da-dum and sometimes it skips a beat, da da da lol :D

[mattavelli]

Ok, you win again!

[~]

:) what did I win? lol

[mattavelli]

............... I will write a sonnet for you. Give me a topic.

[~]

oh wow, no way i will let you go through trouble for me. :D but i appreciate the gesture :D

[mattavelli]

Sure, be stingy with the inspiration. I'll go write some haiku. Haha

[~]

bahahaha :D okay, write a senryu for me then :D

[mattavelli]

Without a topic
I stare at the wall thinking
Maybe repaint it

[~]

a wall's improvement
a miracle on its own,
happy lucky eyes :D

[mattavelli]

Ok, you win!

[~]

wow, it is my lucky night!! i think luck of the beginners :D

[mattavelli]

"Luck" I can write about that. :)

[~]

write away my friend!! :D

[Daniel Raftery]

At first I was like"Wait...this isn't a sonnet!" That is, until I realized that my brain is stuck in terms of Italian sonnets and this an English sonnet. I really enjoy this poem for it's descriptions and straightforward subject matter. Many poets, when writing of death, fall into cliches and platitudes, but I see none of that here. The imagery is solid and inspiring and in my belief, the last two stanzas alone could sustain the poem and still leave the reader pondering and satisfied. My only question to you (and this is not about form or word usage) is what did you mean by "And our world is eaten by stars"? I don't think the line itself is necessarily flawed but do you mean the Sun is consuming it or something more metaphorical than that? I've read a few other of your poems and you seem to be someone dedicated to form in a time when many others are falling back on free verse. That is an admirable quality in a poet nowadays. Keep 'em coming!

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Daniel. With the stars, yes; the sun absorbs the earth, the sun explodes, and all the dust gets mixed into other stars.