About My Fear Of Death

English sonnet sandwiched between some Eights 'n Sixes

Children of God, pity my flawed
and dull sense of self-worth.
While heaven may find you someday,
I'll return to the earth.

I'm nothing but a wisp of swirling dust,
set out to please my heart and gut; and bound
to disappear in time, as all things must,
that come from and return unto the ground.

And, like a stone that's beaten by the wind 
or twigs picked up by birds to build their nest,
those pieces forming me, upon my end,
will go back in the mix with all the rest.

And, as our world is eaten by the stars,
in time so stretched, but no concern to me,
there will be none who care about what mars
and taints my current swirling ecstasy.

I'm living with the suffocating fear,
that when i die, my mind will disappear.

So, if it seems I'm chasing dreams,
betting on illusions,
just leave me be, in reverie,
amongst my delusions.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[William Michael Reeves]

Hey stranger. I was looking for Petrarchan sonnets by different poets. Couldn't find one that you had identified. Studying the resolution in the sestet of the octave. Ran into Richard. The one with the pen.

I tried not to be distracted by the bread and ate the meat of the sandwich first. Not sure if I can alleviate your fears, as I believe we are as organic as all around us and death takes our minds in the end. Excellent expression of fear though. I would like to think my essence might end up in a nest, of life. I really liked the sonnet and can see how you might want to add to it. The sonnet form is so brief. And you used your last quatrain to completely resolve your thoughts.

Direct me to a Petrarchan Sonnet if you have one. Thanks

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Bill! :)
I direct you to my Sonnet For Regret. Enjoy the writing. That sonnet form will inspire lots of word folding.

[Diane]

Great imagery. This kept my attention, Probably because the words that were used were dramatic and entertaining. it's a little dark but just enough. it was really enjoyable to read

[JP142000]

This is breath-taking! Lyrical and thought provoking! Fantastic! A great read!

[mattavelli]

Thanks, JP! :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Contemplative, gentle, profound poem. Dust to dust. "Just leave me be, in reverie,"-lovely. Lyrical, eloquent, rhythmic and flowing...'Energy can neither be created nor destroyed' so say the geniuses- then we were always existing, and we will always exist in some form. In between form transitions, we forget- except for racial memory and deja vu experiences...just my ramblings. Absolutely beautiful poem!

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Annette! :)

[Hebe]

Absolutely fantastic.... i have the same fear and relate to your words..... you described perfectly how our energy returns to the universe!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Hebe! :)

[Michael X]

Cuts like a knife, those last two stanzas brings what follows to harmony. Philosophical and well thought out! This is a touchingly abstract piece!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Michael! :)

[Lorry]

Nothing more than swirling dust captures so much more about us than any book could ever say. We consume all within our mind, but fail to see that our mind is our universe and all that can matter, because it is our constant companion. No matter what other peoples universes think about us, they are free to mingle and interact with ours to an extent, but they can only visit the mind in which we live, we must live there constantly.
Love the fear of your mind disappearing and the summation of this piece, that we can be happy to live in our own delusion. Superbly written and thought provoking piece Matt.

[mattavelli]

Hi, Nemo, thanks for reading and the interesting thoughts. :)

[barleygirl]

I don't spend much time pondering death, so your message takes a little getting used to. To me, returning to the earth seems just fine & yet in your poem, it sounds like something less than fine. Regardless of how the message didn't really resonate with my own mindset on death, I am very impressed & as-always admiring of your writing style, using tons of imagery, fresh word choices, & imaginative ways to describe things that have been written about a million times. You've definitely shown your readers that the idea of death is a haunting contrast to one's currently brightly-shining life.

[mattavelli]

Hello, Barleygirl. :)
Thanks for reading. I didn't mean for "returning to the earth" to seem less than fine. My message here is that nothing is permanent and I don't like it. Haha

[Matching Socks]

You write beautifully of death. Super.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Ana! :)

[Nolo Segundo]

Dust to dust? Of course you're right-- our bodies and brains are mortal, and will perish as though they have never been ( the body I had as a young man 50 years ago has already perished!) And therefore life, sentient life, is meaningless, purposeless, a cosmic fluke in a frigid, uncaring universe. But suppose, just suppose,that THAT is the illusion, and that each of us has an immortal part, an endless consciousness that existed before and will exist after the death of the body (and brain) it 'inhabits'? Then suppose this immortal part-- let's call it soul for convenience sake-- will go to another world when it separates from its mortal doppelganger. It could be heaven, it could be hell (oh yes,that too exists and it is more terrible than anyone could imagine), or perhaps it is reborn in this world, or even on another planet in this vast universe-- perhaps even as a different sentient species in another universe. And everything we do matters, because the problem is not that life is meaningless as atheists/existentialists would have it, but that there is so much meaning to every life that even the best of us cannot comprehend more than a very tiny, tiny bit. I'm not talking religion here, but experience, for I was once naive enough to think I could escape my self, my mind , my body. Finding God has not made my life easier-- in some ways it's much harder than when I was a carefree agnostic; for I know now that everything I do subjects my soul to judgment or karma if you will-- and that the sense of immortality, of existing always, can be 'scarier' than the idea we cease to be.
Everyone who develops an adult mind gets to choose whether to live with God or without God, or to put it another way-- to live by only what yours senses can discern, or to reach out to the vastness of the universe in order to reach inward to your soul. For me that was decided by a near death experience when I once tried to 'escape' ( and no, it was not the white light I went to but an utter darkness... and torment ). I was given a second chance and am very grateful for that; for most though, it is an act of faith, a brave leap towards God. Those people I admire.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Nolo. :)
I have pondered the "soul". You can read about that in my poem, "Fog Above The Stream Of Time".