The Arrival

The Arrival of Death...

        The rain howled outside the dim Halls of Alder. Lightning ignited the pitch black sky. The tall pillars held the weight of the building firmly. The colossal glass windows trembled as the wind fought to penetrate into the Hall. Yet the castle still stood gracefully, even against the harsh storms of Regal Bay that could destroy even the strongest of castles. Avis lay in the midst of the large, towering marble pillars. He had been rallied by men from the hills and was brought here, to this dungeon. 

        Eight men with faces hidden from their clothes, tied him up as he was hiking uphill seeking......Seeking what most would seek. They treated him as a slave here, in this land of torture, in this castle of horror, in this hall of darkness. 

A voice rang out through the endless hall as it echoed throughout the building. Perturbed by the unexpected sound, Avis jerked up from the chair he was sitting in. He looked up and saw his master, his torturer striding through the elaborate floor. His face, still hidden from his clothes only his eyes shown. Eyes that had an angry glint piercing through him like knives.

        "Come," he said. He swung around without further response and glided through the elegant floor.

        Avis reluctantly rose from his chair and silently stepped after his master. Their footsteps echoed loudly through the marble hall like an alarm. The two of them walked in silence for a for a few minutes. His master unexpectedly broke the silence.

        "I have found a poor ragged beggar in the main door......Do you know of him? Unlikely. We shall treat him until he finally speaks. Perhaps he shall be some use to us......"

        He stepped toward a door with many patterns and unlocked the door. A man, near his sixties it seemed sat in a dim room, only ignited by a single candlelight. Fruit and wine lay in the table, uneaten. A dark cloak hid the man's face, yet still his snow white beard lay obvious. 

        The man, alerted by the opening door rapidly jerked up from his chair. A small butcher's knife lay in his hands. His hood was thrown back, and his face was in plain view. Avis gasped. His face was wrinkled and old. Scars and scratches showed evidence that he had been in battles. His eyes were most unusual. His eyes glowed in brilliant blue, sparkling like beads of light reflecting on waves. His eyes confused his eyes. Avis blinked and pulled away from the menacing stare.

        "What-" his voice was surprisingly strong and had a high sense of authority. "What do you want from me!"

        His eyes blazed with anger. Avis flinched for his eyes seemed to blur his vision. His master stood calmly by the door. 

        "We, want nothing from you," replied his master in a calm tone. "All I want are answers. Now answer all the answers I say or you will regret it terribly. How did you end up here, Where did you come from, and Who are you?"

        The old man remained silent. Avis's master enraged by no response, glared at the man with intense fury. 

        "Perhaps I shall force you," and drew his own knife in a flash. 

        Abruptly, Avis's master lunged toward the unknown man. Astonished by the sudden attack, Avis staggered back a few steps. The old man, appeared to be absolutely at peace as he countered the attack with a swift blow with his knife. Master, startled by the attack jumped back to avoid another rapid slash by the man. The old man and Master locked knives. Fear shown in Master's eyes as the unknown man twisted the blade, disarming Master's dagger, and had the butcher's knife in the soft skin of Master's throat. A pleading look was in Master's eyes yet still the man's eyes were unyielding, without mercy.

        "Time to die," he whispered softly and struck him in the heart. 

Reviews

[OfDeathandLove]

First off, I loved this. It had a dark aesthetic, and the details of the imagery was amazing. The ending was sharp, ended with a strong event that makes the reader want to find out more.

Second off - the things I had issues with. Now, understand that I'm being nitpicky here...this real was a great piece of work.

"as he was hiking uphill seeking......Seeking what most would seek." I don't understand this part. People would seek different things depending on who they are. Some would seek riches, some would seek power, some would seek eternal youth, some just might be seeking happiness. This will probably be made clearer later in the book, but for now, it seems a bit confusing.

"A man, near his sixties it seemed sat" there should be a comma after "seemed".

"only ignited by" this seems to flow more better if you said "ignited only by", but eh, that might just be me.

"Scars and scratches showed evidence that he had been in battles" What type of battles? How many? Give details on the type of battle. Otherwise it just sort of seemed...bare, and that's not the great imagery flow you give me in the rest of the chapter.

Lastly, after you describe the old man, I have a little trouble following who's saying what...

All in all, though, this was great. You actually made me want to read more, and that is rare for me and fantasy books. I'm excited to read your next chapters.