Kansas Expressway

Please forgive the lack of structure. I way sidetracked. I am open to advice.

 

Kansas Expressway

 

 

I can’t forget
I remember this all
The headlights so red
The angels fall

 

The tires scream

The windows break

The metal shrieks
Horror beyond belief

 

The car slides

We’re upside down

I think we’ll die

We don’t die somehow

 

Still you are gone forever

Taken from me

Scarred inside like none other

Pray for you now and eternity

Reviews

[TheRavenQueer]

You could possibly make the last stanza a bit shorter. "Gone forever, taken from me, scarred inside, pray for eternity". Something like that. But honestly, I like it as it is. Short, but powerful. Simple, but the emotions behind it are intense. Brilliant. :)

[Science girl]

I really liked this a lot. And I kind of agree with the review below, the last two lines in the middle stanzas are too wordy. Keep up the good work though!

[LiberScriptus]

Great poem! I love how concise the first two stanzas are- how you know precisely what's being conveyed in twelve or so words. I also like the use of slant rhyme- it gives it more of an edge. I think it could be better if the second two stanzas were more like the first two- that is, if they had fewer words. I feel as though the lengthening toward the end takes away from the cold rhythm you set up at the beginning.