Unmasking the Insanity *HOW IT ALL BEGAN*

THIS IS THE BEGINNING.

  

CHAPTER 1

 

THE TALL MAN

 

   Ray Pendleton lives for nothing more than to punish those who sin.

 

   The day had started overcast, the sky awash with various shades of grey, but now it was turning jet-black, just like that of Satan’s soul. The thunder rumbled across the land and the streaky lightning emblazoned the sky.

   Ray drove down the high street in his old, grey van, kitted out and customised for his needs. The back windows were tinted and sealed shut, he’d soundproofed the inside, making it a cozy playroom to transport his victims from one place to the next. Chains and shackles were fixed to the floor and along the wall were numerous hammers, drills, and saws. The van’s side sliding doors made it easy to capture and contain.

   Ray parked his van opposite the Cosmo Bar and sat patiently, lying in wait for the group of friends to arrive that he nicknamed ‘The Sinful Six.’

   On this night, he wasn’t the gatekeeper of the nightclub door, nor was he there to socialise or drink; something far more sinister brewed in the dark corners of his twisted mind. He watched and observed the partygoers coming and going with a look of disgust and contempt.

   Filthy animals, he thought to himself, as they all played out lurid and melodramatic acts of drunk and disorderly behaviour.

   The blackened clouds struggled to withstand the burden of the weight they’d been holding back for a while. But, with another clap of thunder, the clouds suddenly gave way to an instant downpour of thick, heavy rain.

   An immediate covering of water appeared on the street, sending people scurrying off in all different directions as the rain poured down with an almighty roar.

   Ray gazed dully at the dashboard clock; it wasn’t nine yet, but he knew his 'Sinful Six' would arrive soon.

   The rain whipped down like crystal nails but, through the fierce sheets of rain, the Sinful Six had appeared. One by one, they stepped out from the black cab which had brought them into town. Ray watched on as they all made a dash for shelter under the roof of the Cosmo Bar. And, just like that, a curtain of black fell over his graveyard eyes. 

   He’d been a danger in their shadows for several months, an enigmatic stranger some might say, a man who didn’t exist. He looked on at the Sinful Six like that of a butcher, sizing them up like pieces of meat. With a shallow smile from cheek to cheek, his mask was as cold as a funeral.

   The group consisted of a mixture of personalities.  Some had stories to tell while the rest were more conservative and played the quiet and shy kind. But, the one thing they all had in common, the one thing they never revealed to anybody, was the darker side of their persona, shrouding them in a grave blanket of secrecy and sin. Each individual portrayed themselves as a Doctor Jekyll to the outside world but, behind closed doors, their characteristics couldn’t be more different, being more comparable to that of Mr Hyde.  

    There was Zara, a sexually promiscuous woman, who thought nothing about flaunting her body online to like-minded guys while her boyfriend Ben would secretly wager money on a roll of a dice and chanced his arm at the turn of a card. Johnny was the quiet one, an introvert some might say, but he held late-night sexting sessions with Zara, unbeknown to Ben, who sat downstairs, gambling all his money away. Craig was the troublemaker of the group, who was always pulling pranks on his friends. His best friend was Casey, who lived with Drake. This couple was a little older than the rest. They seemed to have it all, but all that glittered was not gold.

   Ray had looked distastefully at the individuals for a while now, knowing that when they laid their heads down at night, each and every one of them would wrap and consume themselves in a blanket of sin, all choosing to bed the devil, Beelzebub and his dastardly ways. His hatred for these people was palpable. But he had plans, plans to deliver terror, turmoil, and anarchy to the doorsteps of each and every one of the Sinful Six’s tumultuous lives.

    Life had dealt Ray some tough blows. His mother was a w***e and his father a gambling man. He’d suffered years of abuse at their hands; every day was punishment day. Both parents had canes " each more than a yard long and half an inch thick. One, two, three " in quick succession, the whooshing sound of the cane coming through the air and then, the thud. Four, five, six. The blows were thick and fast. With each blow, the skin softened and the pain grew. One time, he’d been hit so hard that the bamboo cane had broken, snapped completely in half.  

   But those days had gone, that was Ray’s adolescence life. Now, he was a strong, intense individual, obsessed with philosophies of vengeance and retribution. He lived a single life now, deep in the woods, preferring to stay away from prying eyes and all people who lied.  

   Ray fired up the van and got ready to leave, but not before tapping at his phone and hitting send. Then, lifting one hand, he slipped his fingers under the seatbelt strap and fastened himself in. With a subtle look of amusement, Ray pushed down on the accelerator and drove away.  

   The recipients of Ray’s message were the Sinful Six and the message was sent under the identity of an unknown number. The message which they had all received read:

Soon your secrets will be out. They are not safe with me. The Tall Man is real and he’s coming out to play. 

Author's Note

ENJOY

Reviews

[BBP]

Marky Mark....... You really have such a gift. Like always, your descriptions are so deep and defining, that is where you shine. You can literally feel the rain and see the nightclub entrance.

You can also feel the hatred and disgust Ray has for the Sinful Six. It's almost tangible.

The rain whipped down like crystal nail... That line is ace. Just another example of how versatile you are with descriptions.

This chapter is laid out perfectly to set the scene, even though they aren't that bad of people in their sins, this chapter makes you believe they are the devil's playmates! lol

I love Ray and can't wait to be able to read the entire book...one day I will be buying it off the shelves!!!!!

[Mr.Writer]

Mark... really?!
I-I-I didn't expect this twist to take place!
I never knew Ray's back story and didn't even think about it once when even reading the other chapters!
Mark... you are an amazing story teller! This awesome, eye-gripping chapter, made me at the edge of my seat, making me want MORE!
Lol, I know that's not possible :D
Poor Ray... his parents weren't the best, let's
say... And Zara? I didn't expect a back story from her side! Omg... you tied up the story and used such ideas, that a reader wouldn't at all expect! Now, this is what I call a book! I am proud to say that I will be the first one to buy this! I really will be, hopefully. From looking at the reviews, (15 in one day)!! Yikes! I doubt I'll be the first one now... well, I will buy it for sure! You are like Stephen King, did you know that Mark? Don't deny it, because YOU ARE! In my opinion, you are! Now quickly edit because I'm waiting for this fantastic book to come out in the shelves!
Keep it up!

[Rachid Amrani]

I liked how you introduced the name of the person in the first sentence. What I had expected next was that you would carry on talking more about him. Instead you shifted our attention to the weather (sky with shades, rumbling thunder etc.) This is a very creative way to attract the reader’s attention and glue him to what might happen next. It’s a technique that not every writer masters. Good job on that one.
Then you went back to mention Ray again, and I was just “dying to know what he was to do next like I was watching a movie waiting for the main character to act. That what I noticed about your writing: The way you tell the story with much emphasis on details and descriptions, you put us (the readers) right in the middle of events as they unfold.
You also succeeded in following the chronological order of events, examples are:
Ray drove down….
Ray parked his van…
Ray gazed dully at…
It made it easy to follow and track Ray’s actions. Good work!
Then as we (the readers) were glued to the pictures of Ray watching the partygoers as they came and went, you turned to describe the weather to put us (the readers) right in the middle of events as if we were standing by the nightclub door at that moment. And No! You didn’t write just one line to describe the weather, but you wrote three lines and a half. And of course you did it in a very poetic and creative way!
Then “The Sinful Six” gang arrived, and of course you put us in the picture (like you always do) when you shifted to tell us about how Ray reacted to the members’ appearance as they may their way out of the cab (I have to say I expected them to arrive in their own car and not a cab; but I’m very sure there is a reason for that.)
Of course you introduced the group members focusing on their persona and their life styles. You did it in an effective way that prompted me to say: “Well, no wonder why they all ended up together, because they have that evil side in their persona.”
Like I expected, you talked about Ray’s life, background, past, and family; and by doing that you left it to the reader to judge his present actions. Something a social worker would say testifying in a court hearing about a murder case: “Your Honor, the defendant committed that crime but you have to look into his past. The man had an abusive childhood; his father was an alcoholic; that sort of things.”
Whether Ray ended up in a courtroom or prison, I guess only his creator (author) knows.
Last, we found out about Ray’s message to the “Sinful Six” before he fired up the van. And better somebody watches out because I have the sense he is one of those people whose actions are unpredictable.
Note:
This sentence- The rain whipped down like crystal nails but, through the fierce sheets of rain, the Sinful Six had appeared.
Is it just me and my limited language skills or the sentence needs some restructuring, especially the part where you wrote “but” and then a comma followed to introduce what I believe is a dependent clause.
Just a suggestion-
The rain whipped down like crystal nails. And through its fierce sheets, the Sinful Six had appeared.
This work is a very good piece of fiction and it was my pleasure to read it and comment on it.
Keep up the good fiction.
Rachid

[Tabby Mac]

Its like I'm at the movies watching it all play out! You create a scene like no other my friend! From the rain, to the van, even to the Tall mans gestures.
I can feel the creepiness up my spine as I read your words!
As you explain his demented mind curiosity builds, at the same time reality sets in that Ray is more than a bad guy he is a nightmare.
I know what happens next can not be good, but I am left wanting more. I'm hanging on every word! Like at the end of a movie waiting for a sequel sneak peek!
I've read a few of the other chapters and this one really sets the stage! It makes Ray even more frightening getting a look inside his head!
And the most GENIOUS part is the text he sends to everyone! Love that it plants the need to know what and how everyone is going to react, and/or what is going to happen to them? You can't help but hang off the edge of your seat wanting more!
This book is going to be addicting! I can see it now...headlines...PEOPLE LOSING SLEEP OVER UNMASKING THE INSANITY...for two reasons they are too scared to sleep and they literally can't put the book down!!
LOVE IT!!!! It is AWESOME SAUCE AND IM GEEKING OUT!!
Tabby

[Jennifer]

Very interesting chapter! I like how you put the reader in the mind of the bad guy. :)

[Makrix Mottle]

Quite good, as always! Always enjoyable to get background information! This leaves me wondering about the other four of the six...

[Znikbew]

I absolutely LOVED it! I always enjoy looking at the bad guys point of view in stories. Because I always know.that there is a reason for everything terrible that they do. Thank you.so much for writing this.

[A.K. Rohner]

Ooooooo, interesting. Ray seems like a bad guy with good intentions that aren't that good, if that makes sense. His moral fiber is quite amiguous and that makes him fascinating beyond simple words. I also really like how he scans each one of his "Sinful Six" with the careful precision of an assassin, the likes of which would leave Celaena Sardothien impressed.

[Manasa.L]

This is interesting, I would be looking forward to read what happens next. Thanks for sharing. It awakened the curiosity in me.

[Hanna Arenstein]

Wow! This is incredible! The fervent openness of Ray's past for a viewer to see is intriguing and me in faster than a dog to it's bone. The consuming and profoudn aura of Ray's mental break is amazing and I was eager to know more about him and what made him break, because there had to be something other than the abuse his parents applied to his childhood.

Speaking of the abuse... at one point, you say, "... in quick succession, the whooshing sound of the cane..." and I felt like that spot was a bit dull. The word "whoosh" is such a common onomatopoeia, and I felt that with your skills there could've been a much more descriptive or poetic way of describing that terrible, bamboo cane that whipped against his back. That is one of my mere two comments or suggestions.

My second would be that where you mention the cane snapping, you don't even begin to mention the damage a cane could do already. That could break bones in his spine, rip his skin creating permanent scars. If the bamboo cracked and the cane broke, it would most definitely cut his skin deeply and case ultimately the most painful splinters a child his age could've imagined, Adding mentions of the physical scars could give more imagery to the character other than the fact that we know he's tall and that he's named Ray.

These are merely things I would've involved in my own story, and thet really aren't necessary to involve in this because it is already so phenomenal.