Empty Alice

A short story (more of a narrative) about a girls life, and the way she lives with depression.

Empty Alice

You know that voice inside of you that says your worth something even if you think you’re not? You know that feeling you get after trying your best and it all goes well? That feeling of belatedness and a sense of life is worth it. Well Alice never had those things. The voice walked out the door at the age of six with her Father. Whenever she tried her best and achieved something the hole that had been open just seemed to consume everything, leaving nothing left for her self-worth. Her Mom was an alcoholic. So the hole just grew. Loneliness took hold of her life, like seaweed in an ocean dragging her under her breathe pushed from her lungs, struggling to catch just one breath. The darkness was closing in so she grabbed on to anything that kept her afloat.

Friends who stab her in the back, popularity with a cost, boys with a mind to only screw her and leave her, no wonder why that ocean kept her under, that ocean quickly turned into an ocean of self-loathing and nights of vomiting all over the bathroom floor after that “raging party”. But those were the lucky nights. When she would get home safely, cause more often than not shed wake up in a stranger’s bed with no recollection of the sex that had taken place. 

By the time she was 21 her life had a japing hole and she didn't know how to close it. That ocean kept raging, but she had stopped kicking, letting it consume her because it was the only comfort to her lonely and miserable life. When she didn't have the empty job of a degrading waitress, she found herself in a room with strangers trying the latest drug that was brought with her body.  So on the day the idea to end her own life came to her, it was a surprise she had not thought of it sooner.

She lay in that bed, letting the drugs and cheap alcohol take over, letting it end a life which she felt was ultimately worthless. That moment was going to end all her hurt, pain and emptiness. As the effects slowly started to take over, something that could only be described as a coincidence happened. With consciousness fading, a small knock in the distance slide through the fog that she had sacrificed her thoughts to. A knock on the door that started to lose strength the more Alice faded away.

And the dream ended, A sweet dream of death that felt so appealing, but lacked conviction. For a dream of death could easily be shaken from her by the current lover in her life. A man who had seemed different from the rest of the rags and dirt she usually affiliated herself with, A kind man, with a kind heart; a man who didn't know what he was getting into with a worthless life like Alice. So she devised a plan, to make him realize what kind of filth she believed she was.

And so on a day he came home from work, this kind man had his heart broken, by a women he hadn't realized he had given his heart to. She had another man in his bed. A rag a piece of dirt, and as she looked into his eyes to see his soul split in two, she felt nothing but regret, hatred and disgust. But she had to do it to make him realize what she was, a part of the dirt.

Two years go by, a new setting a fresh start. No drugs, party’s dirt or filth to stop her life now. But the thing about dirt is it stays there until you clean it and Alice hadn't cleaned her dirt. After a few months in her new suburban home she starts to feel depressed, the passion she felt in the art she made started to darken like her heart.  But with every stroke on the white canvas, every colour that transformed it, took away a bit of the pain and started to lift her darkness. So on the day she had her revelation, the one to make her understand that the life she had been given, the life of misery and despair. The life without love, the life of abuse by herself and others, all of it… wasn't her fault. And the river that flowed from her heart cleaned her of this lie…

She was free.

She’s 42, a new life came out of that day. A year after her cleanse she met a man that went on to be her husband, and father of her children. He was a good man, who loved her enough to fill the void, and in time she started to fill it herself with other things, things called life. She was content, she was free, and she wasn't empty.

The end 

Author's Note

what do you think of my writing style, does it make sense? what can I add?

Reviews

[Yash]

Good, i like it. It will also be super if you can make Alice more full towards the end.

Are you willing to join my writing team if so...
Can you write me something about a girl sitting under a tree.
Like Alice make her empty, she never tried drugs but her dad does.

Please join my team. My group is called A new Writing group.

[Cindy Marietta]

"The voice walked out the door at the age of six with her Father."
Loved that line, great story. Extremely relatable

[Andrew Liddy]

Thank you soo much I love that you can relate to it and think its good. :)

[Warren Daniel II]

Excellent writing, I started off with a slight hate towards Alice then felt sorry for her, I enjoyed the way Alice grew as a character. Would have been awesome if you went into detail about her happy ending.

[Workvio]

A tragically sad story that happens in real life all too often, with a much brighter ending that one might have anticipated ... Life is what it is ... And it is all we have ...

[Andrew Liddy]

Thank you So much, I decided to go happy just cause as a person I try to see good more than bad, but I know 9 times out of 10 it wouldn't be that way.

[GMAngel]

This is really good. You really captured the feelings of someone who is going through a tough time in their life and your detail was wonderful. I felt bad for the guy she cheated on though. I like how you end the story with Alice slowly becoming more full because it shows how time can heal people and that it does not happen overnight. Good job!

[Andrew Liddy]

Thank you so much :)