january 17th (letter to my unborn child)

the life and times of an untold story

I had a dream about you, kicking out so wild.
Crying out so loud.
I am shell shocked to see another me;
Made by the girl who to me is my love, my desire and my fantasy.
She even had a name picked out for you, she called you Luna
She said it meant moonlight
Deep down within me any little me and her was equivalent to any light.
It was now a month and weeks nd the red river hadn't come
My love was sick a lot,
To me it meant the seed had caught
And so that's why I had the thought
-of my beautiful Luna brought forth by my soulmate
It was a pretty dream; accept it was not a dream it was real so what I call logic kicked in.
Wait; we don't have money to raise our child.
Strange how in matters like this, someone always has the money to kill a seed.
I always say the one with the greatest possibilities is not the tree, but the seed, it can reach the furthest heights.
Avoid making mistakes of not giving that seed a chance, and so I left it to your mother's hands, when she asked what to do. In my heart I wanted you. It just that you arrived three years before we planned for you
These sort on things have a way of haunting you, a voice whispered in my thoughts.
A few days later your mom called me and told me we can't keep you.
For moments that sounded like a lifetime we mourned you as she cried in the other end of the line
We lived in two different cities, we couldn't have time to be a family for our unborn child.
I told her I love her, and she didn't reply.
But later that night your mother send me a profound answer

"I Love You More My Love...confession: The thought of terminating the fruits of our love makes me uneasy, I am not sure if we are with child or not but it really brakes my heart that I even suggested that termination was an option,the thought paralyzes me with trepidation.

maybe I am looking too much into the spiritual symbolism of it, sure logic comes with what seems to be 'great' reasons but the Universe reminds me not to make my decision based on fear.

the Universe sends you gifts and if you dispose of them it knows not to send such gifts your way in the future, I believe in karma my Love and I am not sure if termination is the route we should take. I just can't wrap my head around terminating what we made, what our Love made..if we are pregnant.

Sure my people will be disappointed but they will live!!!.... My mom would disown me if she found out that I terminated and of the record I wouldn't blame her cause if she had terminated when she was 21 my sister and I wouldn't have been born and I know you can't imagine a world without your soulmate.
it doesn't matter what happens my Love, pregnant or not I am not terminating, All I know is that I Love You and the Fruits of Love are ALWAYS a Blessing.
so yeah, phewww, now I can look at myself in the mirror without judgment, and sleep better! I Love You."

So far I had the biggest smile
Sometimes daydreaming about you,
Staring in my eyes that have seen evil
People killing people, broken families. The betrayal and lies.
I just wondered how am going to protect you from that.
I pray staring in my eyes does not reflect all these things to you innocent soul.
Am powerless now, everything else I live to the power of Thee Most High.
So as you grew everyday. In my heart and mind you grew too;
Your mother would spent hours in front of the mirror picturing that our love child is sleeping within that belly barely yet grown.

Weeks later with her body still the same and the sickness faded, along with the stress in parts of her family life.
She called to tell me the red river had come flooding and so all thoughts of you were dashed. Taken from grip the way water slips another hand holding unto yours.
That time of the month was just really late, almost two months.
I put our story and my sorrow in on this page to tell you your truth.
So that one day you know, I lost you though you were not born
Hope to tell you of this day whenever I capture the Reminisce of January 17th 2017