falling ships

Take a journey into my mind as my words reveals my hearts deepest struggle with love and loss

And so we cast out in the torture of our silence, the winds blowing the sails, hovering and puffing them with the ocean air. It was winter now, and we had lost the warmth of fire and the warmth of love. We were in the ship sitting far apart from each other, unable to see one another. No one sailing our ship. I have been at sea for many years now, I know when the fleet will surely hit rocks and break in the crash. Drowning us. So now I wonder.' Should I let you take the life boat and let you leave, or should I keep you with me, and die with you in our last gasps of breath. Tomorrow maybe our last day, so curse it, I shouted in the dismay, crushing in the tantrums of the day. I hope everything will be okay; The sorrow of the inevitable draining all hope from within our hearts and mind. We have seen many sinking ships, never did I think even this one would see its last day. Maybe I was foolish, maybe I was naïve, to believe staying too long in shallow waters would lead us to finding treasure at the depths of the sea. We should have settled for the shores, but we wanted more from the abundance of our mystery. Now we are nothing more than smoke lost in the wind. Tears and misery awaits us. No more sunshine and sunsets. Just clouds and angry storm, raging the waters. That's how life and love is when you approaching the bitter end. Nothing more than falling ships

Author's Note

Tell me what you feel

Reviews

[PaintedBirdy]

hey doux polverenere! i liked reading this story. the symbolism of ships and sailing is fantastic. i really enjoyed how you captured this relationship between the narrator and the other person. every sentence was amazing, and poetic.

i 'feel' like you captured something human and real and raw, something everyone feels at one point or another. love & loss.

i loved the line "no one sailing our ship" because, to me, it shows how random or fortunate life is with relationships.

i try to always provide suggestions too, so
suggestion 1: i'd like to read more, so maybe write this as a longer story.
suggestion 2: this feels like poetry, so maybe write it as poem rather than prose.
suggestion 3: if you keep it as prose, maybe break it up into paragraphs because it would, as a reader, make it easier to read one thought then the next thought then the next thought, rather than everything as one 'thought' in one paragraph (if that makes sense).

[M.R Steiner]

this was wonderfully written, to it it was very powerful and delivered a sense longing and extreme isolation, even with other people. but that's just what I took from it, you managed to convey a lot in a very subtle way :) in other words I liked it a lot :)