Nobody And The Protagonist

 

Guess I’ve let my thoughts drift away

Yet now they won’t return

Just left with little whispered snatches

Embittered fragments of divided opinions

 

I had my heart broken today

A young woman, homeless and desperate

Trying to sell the ‘Big Issue’ for a living

She was callously brushed away by some ‘important’ businessman

Off on his way to an ‘important’ meeting

Important to who, exactly?

 

The tear in her eye as she tried to regain composure

Matched that of mine to perfection

As I sat on a bus, with a future ahead of me

And loose change in my wallet

 

I tried to tell my friends about this girl

They could have told me that I was boring them

That I was saying nothing worth listening to

 

But they just smiled and nodded

Agreeing with it all yet hearing nothing

As shallow as their mock concern

Worried for themselves and nobody else

 

I’m no longer convinced this is where to end

Despite that it is, after all, the end of the page

I still have too much left I want to say

 

To live for fallacies is not to live at all

Reviews

[Bex]

first read:
The vibe i get out of this is cool, I really liked it my first time around. The homeless woman being brushed aside as a point of noting was very neat...
the imagery is sparse so maybe I would suggest first off that you infuse some of the more conceptual lines into an act or image, like you did with the homeless woman. but that's a less introspective approach you may not be going for, in which case I feel this is a great work. (I'm just attempting at helpful ok?!)

second read:
I admit now, to me, the first verse doesn't seem to fit in with the rest. I see now how the rest connect to the homeless woman who was hurt.

Second time around I see you addressed with your friends this moment that mattered to you, and they only pretended it was significant. I am so used to that shiza, so that sticks with me. HOWEVER! I might argue that you shift gears too heavily in the middle? First it's about this one concept, then about an entirely other one. I don't see why this is wrong, except maybe it makes it slightly less powerful. But this is such a cool work, very prosaic, which i love.

Great work!

oOo
very nice *thumbs up*
i like the questioning of society in this one
xXx

[Carrissa Cone]

I like this,... people living for themselves, existing.. instead of living..
CK

[James Jason Dye]

Excellent. There's too many ninnying fatuitous self-important morons to go around. Nice write.

"To live for fallacies is not to live at all"

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is so true. Seems so many people care only for themselves. You seem to have a humanatrian inside you..

I enjoyed this , think it is well written.. ah, not good at critiquing ..I'll simply say, This is a good read.

Peace