Written on Yellow Paper with Green Ink [I Don�t Know the Date]

 

A half cigarette and a cup of black coffee
The haze of smoke surrounds me, a greying parody
No more child-like significance left now inside me
Your verbal tirades, they exposed my fallacies
Egotistic, embittered, addicted to Ecstasy
And all of my troubles: they begin with an E
I could have found employment, oh so easily
Instead I steal from you, the hand that feeds
I take a pill to calm down, from a bottle of sixty

My cocktail of drugs it lies beside me
Designed to make my passage from here oh so easy
'Til death do us f*****g part: well now we will see
Where did your loyalties lie, with him or with me?
Yet you accused me of the same far too quickly
You shunned me, cursed me, labelled me FREAK

The millstone of imminence hangs heavy at my feet
My nerve now is weaker than even the meek
About now? Yes now, I think, time to be free
So here, in it goes, on the count, one, two, three
Bye bye, farewell, my dear Emily
The one who's lying on the floor, dead beside me
And now to sleep...

Reviews

[Mishel Rosario Reyes]

Tragic, love it, ==mishel

[Doug Case]

As the others have said, this is dark - but good. I'm a fan of your title. I often get annoyed when people title things "Untitled" (unless there's a good reason for it), so it's refreshing to see a title such as this.

I really like the line "'Til death do us f*****g part" - it's a slap in the face that really pulls your point across nicely (when the reader is least expecting it, too).

The only thing I'd change is to get rid of the part "and all of my troubles, they begin with an E." While you are using alliteration quite well and the girl's name is Emily, that line seems rather forced and out-of-place.

But, overall, great job!

[Ismael Rodriguez Jr.]

powerful and dark images. makes me remember when i took a pill to calm down, then a pill to pick me up, then another to calm me, etc. etc. etc.

[[untitled]]

I love it. Its soo dark and somehow it reminds me of someone i know. Its soo deep and it makes the point perfectly.

[Kasia A. Tilander]

Very dark and full of angst...

There are a few lines here and there that read a little awkward, for example the final line in the second stanza would flow a little better if you took out the 'as a' and just wrote freak, and if you capitalize it� FREAK� it feels more like an actual label.

Thanks for a great read,

Kasia.