Forgiveness

Chapter Nine

“I’m sorry.” He whispered knowing that I’d figured out his secret.

“What happened?” I whispered, “I’ve been able to touch you through your clothes since before you left… Did last night change that too?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted, “I’ll go downstairs though and you can go to sleep.” I nodded slowly understanding now his reason for getting out of bed. We were too close like this. I sat in bed tossing and turning most of the morning and then I just gave up and went downstairs.

“I’m just fixing lunch.” I whispered when Andy walked up behind me.

“Will we be able to work through this Alex?” He whispered.

“I think that should be my question to you.” I snapped, “After all I’m the one that messed all of this up… right?”

“No.” He shook his head quickly, “No. Don’t think that. None of this is your fault. This is all me. I’m the one that’s messed up and hurting everybody that I get close to.”

“Andy…” I started but he tensed and I realized that I’d started to try and comfort him like I always had and so I pulled away. “I’m sorry.” I whispered and he shook his head.

“I’m going to the shop.” He told me and I nodded slowly.

“I think I’ll go spend a few days with my parents.” I whispered a few days later. Andy had been staying in the guest room and I had been hiding at home as my mood got worse and worse.

“Please don’t.” He whispered but I tensed when I felt his arms wrap around my back, “Please don’t leave me.” He requested as I started to relax.

“You’re holding me.” I whispered refusing to move even to wipe the tears in my eyes. I was terrified that if I even breathed I’d scare him again.

“I can’t lose you.” He begged, “I love you Alex and I can’t let you leave.”

“You still love me?” I whispered and his arms tightened.

“I have always loved you.” He admitted. “I just… I’m sorry Alex.” He whispered, “I’m sorry that my past keeps messing with us and I’m sorry that I keep hurting you.”

“Are you sure you don’t need me to leave?” I asked.

“Positive… I’m one hundred percent positive that I would die if you left me. We’ve tried apart.” He reminded me turning me around, “I thought it didn’t work with either of us.” I smiled some and he gently put my head in his chest.

“You’re still tense.” I whispered trying to pull away.

“We’ll have to work together on this… that is… if you’ll stay with me.” He added and I looked up at him.

“I don’t want to lose you.” I whispered and he smiled kissing me softly.

“Do you think…?” He started but I shook my head.

“I can’t take the risk of accidently touching you again. Once you are sure that you can handle it if I do then I will gladly make love to you until you’re tired of me but until then… I can’t live through that again.” I whispered, “I can’t live through the cold stiff person you turned into after that.” He nodded slowly and I sighed. “Then let’s just get to the shop.” I whispered pulling away and walking to the room so that I could get dressed. He walked in after me and just watched as I changed.

“I didn’t expect you today, Alex.” Eli smiled as we walked in.

“I didn’t feel like being a housewife today.” I shrugged sitting at the register.

“Already tired of married life then?” Bell laughed.

“No.” I promised as Andy’s look turned worried. “I’ll never be tired of married life.” I whispered and Andy wrapped his arms around me.

“Well you look a lot better than you have been lately, Andrew.” Eli commented.

“I feel a lot better.” Andy promised resting his chin on top of my kapp.

“You have a customer.” Bell pointed out a few minutes later as Andy and I just stayed still. I could tell he was enjoying the normal relationship between us after so long apart.

“I’ll be in the back.” Andy whispered and I sighed. “We’ll go to the café for lunch.” He promised me and I nodded slowly. I got up after Andy pulled away and walked over to the furniture the Englisher was looking at.